How to tell friend free ride is over

Question

so i got this 'friend' who lives across town from me. she's going on 23, has had no job in 4 years and still does not have her license. when we go to school 45 min. away i have to run across town to get her. our classes begin at the same time but end at different times. i have had to sit up to 2 hours waiting for her to get out and barely make it to work on time cause of it. if i force her to leave early so i can make it to work i get the third degree from her mom. she does not give gas money and has never offered. her mom won't either say you're going anyway. i have cut her off a few times but they give me such a guilt trip i give in and i end up running into her mom who ends up having to drive her and wait for her and i catch h**l from her. what can i do? also, i rarely hear from this 'friend' until she needs a ride then she has no problem calling.

Answer 1

She's not really your friend then if she's just using you to get around, and not care about her family. You have to stand up to your friend and her mom. Don't fall for the guilt trip, because they can use that to her advantage. If they are telling you that you are not caring, then tell them that THEY are not caring, because you have other needs that need to be taken care of. I'd say give up on this "friend" because she is not a friend if she only call you for rides, and not contribute anything. I'd say s***w her.  

Answer 2

This sounds MESSY!  Do you live in a small town (it sounds like it - since you run into her or her mom when you're "out and about")?  

Can you start scheduling dr's appointments or job/school/ internship interviews or church activities at times that would make picking her up/taking her home impossible?  That could be a less "confrontational" way to get out of it.  

It's just amazing at how far some people will go for a "free ride" and you shouldn't have to use up 2 hours of your life (even if they tell you that you could do your homework while you're waiting, etc...) waiting for someone who really doesn't appreciate or respect you, your time or your kindness!

If you're really struggling with getting her to "cut the cord" perhaps you could tell her that you'd be happy to take her car shopping or give her some info on public transportation (and if you don't have any - call a local cab company and see if they can quote you some rates for running her around) but that you have to start taking care of _____ ( your nephew, your mother, walking the neighbor's dog for extra money, etc) and you want to help her find a way to school because you won't be able to do it any longer.  

Once, for extra cash, I drove people from a local nursing home around for $10 an hour. Some of them just wanted me to drive around so they could look out the car window - others wanted to take short trips to the drug store or coffee shop - maybe this girl could find someone who might do that for her (some retired person who has time to take her to class and then wait for her to finish)?

You could also tell her that your hours for work have changed (either permanently or short-term) and they can't wait any longer.

I really hope that you can wean this chick off of you -- you're being taken advantage of.  It's one thing to help out with an occasional ride (every couple of weeks or so) but it's another to be someone's personal taxi.

Good Luck!!!  :)

Answer 3

  

   get lost freeloader

she is not a friend she is a leach

Answer 4

Don't allow yourself to feel guilty; your "friend" and her mother ought to feel guilty about the scam they are pulling, but they probably don't have enough class. Give this "friend" the heave-ho by telling her that the schedule is not working out for you, it's too far out of your way, it's causing you problems at work, not to mention the extra gas, and so forth. Then, either install caller ID or change your number, so you won't be bothered by them anymore.

Of course, you could always get a clever sign for your roof and start hiring yourself out as a taxi, since apparently you are one already... just a thought ;)

Best Regards,

Holly

Answer 5

tell her she needs a job n better get a license cuz ur

tired of being her ******.

Answer 6

First understand she is not your responsibility.  Second she is not your friend, she is a user.  As soon as you are no longer so willing to go out of your way for her you won't hear from her again.  Even if gas was a cheap as it was 3 years ago there is no way I would travel 45 minutes out of my way to pick a friend up unless I was going in that direction.  Let her mother help your "friend" grow up.  You could also tell her about car pools that may be in her area or give her a bus schedule.  Another thing you could do is when she calls tell her you would be happy to pick her up but you need $20 for gas.  See how quickly she will find another way around.

Answer 7

go cold turkey. explain you care about your friend, but you neither have the resources or the time to keep it up. and, if they bug you more, you could always suggest that they contribute. that should get them off of your back.

Answer 8

TAKE YA FREELOADING , NO JOB, NO CAR HAVING AZZ SOMEWHERE ELSE.  Feel free to insert expletives where needed.  

Answer 9

You should have put a stop to this a long time ago. Tell her you can't do it anymore, that she should find alternative transport.  

Answer 10

thats not a friendship sweetie, your being used and abused. you are responsible for yourself. i would tell her mother that it is her job to be taking her daughter/son to school and not yours. dont let people manipulate you. i would quit taking phone calls from that person,and concentrate on taking care of yourself.

Answer 11

start being rude and cold to her and then she won't want to be around you anymore. she's just using you

Answer 12

u rarely hear from her?

so like, shes using u?

what kind of friend is that!

im sure u have more friends and wont matter if u really

tell her what u just said up there! its either she'll understand

or she'll think of it in a different way andd u loose her as a friend

which i dnt see that she is already!

Answer 13

You may be her friend, but she is not your friend.  Friends don't do that to each other.  Just stop it one day.  You have no obligation to keep it going.  Let her find someone else to freeload off of.

Answer 14

That isn't a friend.  That is a freeloader.  You are not her parent, and you have no obligation to provide her with transportation.  She is more than old enough to fend for herself, and cutting her off would actually be a bigger help to her than to keep on with the charity. It might prompt her to take some responsibility for herself.

Answer 15

she is no friend

you don't have to do anything that you don't want to for this friend you have to stand up for yourself and don't let them bully you

the next time her mother tries to lay it on you pull out a small can (like breath spray) and tell her in a very loud voice to quit stalking you or you will mace her and to stop calling you  REMEMBER VERY LOUD and don't  let her get a good look at the can just keep it moving

Answer 16

Don't let yourself be intimidated by this person's mother.  She is, after all, not your mother.  It's one thing to offer a ride from time to time to someone, but it's quite another thing when that person expects you to be her taxi service.  You would be in the right to put some limits in place here.  Is there no public transportation this person can use?  

Answer 17

With gas being high as it is, just say you can not afford gas any longer and if she wants a ride, she will have to come up with gas money and wear tear on your vehicle added in.

No if ands or butts about it.

When your class is over, if you want to stay and study that is fine, but otherwise let her know her Mom will have to pick her up.

They are using guilt in order to control you and they know it.  

Don't let people do this to you.

Answer 18

She's an ingrate.

Dump her fast!

Just don't show up at her door.

Change your schedule.

Ignore her mother.

And get on with your life.

Losers like her will suck your blood if you let them.

You can always tell her (or mother) you need

$50 a month to help cover your expenses.

Your time is worth money.

Each of us has to pull our weight.

If either bothers you, get a restraining order, or relo. :-

Answer 19

That really does seem unfair. I'd explain to her that how you feel about all of this. You could ask her to get a cab to your house before you leave so you don't have to go out of your way to get her. And I think I'd just tell her that she needs to find another way home, because you cant always wait 2 hours for her, this is especially justified if it's interfering with your work.

And it's just downright rude of her not to offer to chip in for gas, and then to REFUSE when you ask? Yes, you are going that way, but you are in no way obligated to take her. You're a student, and you work. This is costing you money, and she's getting it for free.

You just have to tell her you're not ok with this situation. It's sound like she and her mother are rather unpleasant people, I'm not sure there is an easy way to deal with this. Good luck!