How to tell my 7 year old son he is being retained in the first grade?

Question

I don't want his self esteem to go down. He already tells me he's not smart. How do I explain to him why he is being retained?

Answer 1

This self esteem thing is a big deal.  It's likely why he needs to be held back.  In addition to working with him, and praising his achievements, you probably need to work with him in general.  My son is brilliant, but has no attention span.  So he needs nearly constant guidance.  And when he complains that he's stupid, i point out things that he does better than everyone around him.  Well, his Mom is a better violinist.  But that's it for ten miles around, maybe more. Everyone knows something no one else knows.

The hardest thing so far has been to get him reading for enjoyment.  He was so far behind until that happened. And it finally happened all at once.  It was a Tuesday.

I had read the entire Harry Potter series to him as a bed time story. (It took more than one night.) This was to give him the idea that there are stories he'll like.  He's now read it twice, and countless other books. He scored really high in the Michigan standardized tests for reading comprehension this year. If only he could do math for enjoyment like i do.

Answer 2

just explain he's not ready to keep up in second grade yet and the teachers are keeping him back so he can improve and not feel over-whelmed. it's really not a big deal for them it's harder for parents to accept it than it is for a kid.

Answer 3

Well why is he being held back?

Answer 4

gently tell him the truth and tell  him these things happen tell him its like another year to review things this happen to me before but I ended up passing

Answer 5

well heres how you could put it

"sweetie, second grade is really tough and the teachers feel like you should stay in first grade. but look on the bright side hon-you get to do first grade again and have more fun! how many kids get to do that!?"

Answer 6

since he already tells you he isn't smart, explain to him that he is going to go to 1st grade again so that he can learn all of the things really good and be extra smart by time he goes to 2nd grade.  Tell him that you don't want him to feel bad about himself and that all kids learn in different ways, and that the way he was taught in 1st grade wasn't a good way for him.  Tell him you are going to do it over again to help him learn better so that he doesn't have to feel like he isn't smart.

Answer 7

Why are they abusing him this way? He should NOT be retained. He should be moved ahead with his class and have someone work with him on the skills he needs to catch up on. Retention can be PERMANENTLY emotionally scarring for a child. It's not his fault!

This was 65 years ago, but my father was retained in second grade and he was affected his whole life. He wasn't going to go to college because even though he was on the debate team and class president in high school he thought he was too dumb. Finally he signed up at the last minute at the only school he could -- a local idiot college Northern State in South Dakota.

He got his bachelors and masters there but when he went for his doctorate he never finished because he was too worried about writing his dissertation.

He NEVER finished his EDUCATION because of his low self-image from being retained in second grade.

It turned out my dad was perfectly intelligent. He was a guidance counselor and liked to read even though with dyslexia it was hard for him.

He always felt he was not very smart though.

Don't do this to your child. Insist they move him ahead and have tutoring or whatever he needs in place for his specific learning disabilities.  Stick up for your kid or he could end up a dropout like my dad.

Answer 8

First, explain to him that all children are different.  Some learn faster than others, but that doesn't mean that just because he didn't learn as fast that he's not smart.  It just means he needs more time.  

There have been many successful people who were "retained" - especially in 1st grade.  Maybe do some research and find some famous ones.  

For example, a coworker of mine has two kids.  One is a 9-year-old boy who is going into 4th grade.  The other is a 14-year-old girl who is going into 8th grade.  Both kids have repeated a grade.  Her son really struggled in 1st grade (in large part because he has hearing loss that wasn't diagnosed until he was 7) and her daughter had a very hard time in 5th grade - so she did it again.  

Both her kids went from strugglers to honor roll students!  Her daughter who could barely pass the 5th grade state test the first time around not only passed it with flying colors the second time, she also did wonderfully in both 6th and 7th grades - ages where most kids really start to struggle.  I know he doesn't know her, but explain to him that alot of kids just need more time for their brains to mature.  If he catches up now, he'll be ready to roll in years to come.  

Good luck.  

Answer 9

Tell him the truth but be kind.  

It would have been nice for you to send him to summer school to help him achieve better grades and to possibly be promoted.  

I recommend that you begin working with him and his teachers so that he can earn good grades this school year.  I also recommend that you reward him for good grades and achievement.  

One more piece of advice: Tell him he's right when he's right.  Tell him he's smart when he gives right answers.  Encourage him as often as you can.  Correct him with kindness when he is wrong.