How to tell my mother she can't smoke around my baby?

Question

I have a bit of a dilemma. I am due in a few days, and I had my anesthesia appointment the other day. The nurse told me all about how smoking around a baby s very harmful (which I already knew) but she also said that if someone is smoking AT ALL and then holds the baby or is even too close to it, then the fumes from their clothes can still go into the baby's lungs or cause it to have allergies. My mom and her boyfriend have been pretty good about not smoking around me during my pregnancy, but there are times when I am at their house, and they smoke inside. Which, is not my problem -- its THEIR house. But how am I supposed to tell them that I don't want her to smoke at all if she wants to be around the baby? And how am I supposed to take my baby to her house when they smoke inside with all the windows shut? I am so confused and at a loss for what to do. Please give me some helpful advice.

Answer 1

Not only is it NOT disrespectful to ask her not to smoke around the baby but its a bad habit anyway.

Just ask her nicely if when the baby is born she would refrain from smoking when she is around the baby and if possible when she knows that you and baby are coming around,if she could smoke outside so baby doesn't get a fresh breath of smoke when inside her home.

If you don't want to go that route then you can always just have her come to your home to see the baby and do not allow smoking in your home.

My mother in law is a HUGE smoker and not only cigarettes and when I asked her NOT to smoke around the baby(both daughters) she got an attitude so I told her if she wanted to see her granddaughters then she would have to come over to our house to do so and there is NO smoking in the house...she's been around a few times but not often but look at it this way...my daughters are still healthy.

Hope that helped.

Answer 2

Let them know that you want your baby to be healthy and if they smoke and want to hold the baby to wash their hands first. My husband would wear a jacket when smoking and then take it off before he came in so it wouldn't be on his clothes. He always washed his hands as soon as he came in too. If you are visiting at their house, ask for just your visits if they could smoke outside or in the garage. If they don't want to then unfortunately you would have to make the choice of whether you would want to visit and put your child in that situation.  

Answer 3

Say "Dont smoke around my baby please i dont appreciate him being subject to second hand smoke"

Just tell her if she wants to spend time with the baby then she can come to your house if she is going to smoke in her own

That is it

I dont let people hold my man if they have just had a smoke let alone smoking near him

Answer 4

You are going to just have to be straight honest with them and tell they if they are going to be smoking in the house even their own house when the baby is there...then they will have to just come to visit the new baby at your house and then they will have to smoke outside....I don't think that someone who smokes and then holds your baby is going to do any damage as long as they wash their hands first...it smoke in the air that is dangerous....you need to stick to what you want this is your baby's health...smoking with a baby can also lead to breasthing problems

and ear infections..too

Answer 5

All you can do is tell (not ask!) them to not smoke inside your house.  I understand that 2nd hand smoke is dangerous but your mother isn't the only person that you will be around that may have the smell of smoke on their clothes.  You could be standing behind someone at the bank or they could sit next to you at the doctor's office (some doctors smoke!)

As far as going to her house, you are going to have to ask her to have the same rules, she doesn't smoke inside when the baby is there.  Most grandmothers would gladly respect your wishes.

Best wishes for a safe delivery.  

Answer 6

Just the odor of smoke on clothes isn't harmful. But I wouldn't take the baby to their place at all if they smoke in the house, which it's their right, since it's their house. Have them visit you at your house which is your rules. They can smoke outside, then wash their hands after they come in.

Answer 7

I went through the same thing with my mother and several members of my husband's family.  I made them put down a blanket over their clothes before holding the baby, so that the baby would not be touching their clothing directly.  Yes they huffed about how ridiculous they found this to be, but bottom line is my baby's health is more important than sparing their feelings.

I also made everyone wash their hands before handling the baby, and this way I was not just singling out the smokers.  

I don't take my child into homes that are full of smoke.  If asked why, I say the reason.  Allergies run in my family and there is no need to expose my child to harm.

By now everyone knows the harms posed by cigarette smoke, especially to children. Anyone who pretends not to know is just being selfish.

Answer 8

That's a hard one! My mother also smokes but only outside. Honestly though there are probably worse things that are going to be around your baby than the after affects of smoking on you mothers clothes. I do agree that she should maybe not smoke around the baby inside, but I would say that to go as far as the nurse did is a little silly. I would be more worried about the cleaning products you use around your house! Clorox after you use it for instance has been found to linger the most around 2 feet off the ground which is where most of your babies swings, bouncy and bassinet set. I guess what I am trying to say is it's OK to say no smoking around the baby, but don't sweat the little things like it being on her clothes.

Answer 9

tell them, can you please not smoke when the baby is around. simple. they should have enough respect. my friends grandpa lit a cig right in front of my 3 month old i was horrified, luckily i was about to leave so i just got out fast. they should know why when you tell them not to, if they get offended too bad.

Answer 10

i had the same problem..my mom and dad smoke..and not only for health reasons it smells so bad cigarettes disgust me!i just told her ..there really is not a way to work around it anyway.and if they did have to smoke i made them put a sweater on and then take it off and stay outside for 10 minutes..it might be a bit excessive so you could probably take it down a bit but like i said it comes with health issues and smells so so bad i despise smoking

Answer 11

1. You can't go to someone's house and lay rules down. If they want to smoke in their own house, baby or not, then they get to smoke.

2. When my mother was pregnant with my sister and I, not only did my father smoke 3 packs a day around my mother while pregnant. He smoked around her and us, after she gave birth to us. You know what? It didn't harm us one bit. My sister smoked around her kids too, same result.

I think it would be ok. Just ask if you can open a window.

But you can't tell them what to do. How would you feel if someone came in your house, and laid their own rules down? Not a good thing, right? So you shouldn't do it in to anyone either.  

Answer 12

I agree with the first poster. I dont think there is anyway to tip toe around it. I think you just need to be straight up. Since they live down the street you could tell them that they should come to your house to visit because you dont want your baby in an environment where cigarettes are smoked and surely they will not smoke at your house.  Just tell them exactly what the nurse said. They can not be offended by that because you are not being mean. You are only telling them how it is. Im sure being parents themselves they will understand you only want what is best for your baby. My mother also smokes and one time I was talking to her about a possible tooth comming up in my daughters mouth. She went to put her fingers in her mouth to feel it and I just told her straight up that she is not going to put her fingers in my babies mouth when shes just been holding a cigarette in her hand! she didnt get offended at all because she can understand my concern and that I only want whats best for my baby.

Good luck! and good on you for wanting to do whats best for your baby =)

Answer 13

INSIST she respect your wishes and not smoke near your baby so that your baby will not dies of SIDS, or develop asthma, RSV or something else along the lines. This is your child, you are the boss of what happens around your child.

Demand respect and demand your wishes to be respect

What causes respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) infection?

Respiratory syncytial virus, or RSV, is a virus that attacks the mucous membranes of people's respiratory tracts (the nose, throat, windpipe, and the bronchi and bronchioles (the air passages of the lungs). RSV is the most common respiratory pathogen in infants and young children. It has infected nearly all infants by the age of two years. Seasonal outbreaks of acute  

respiratory illness occur each year, on a schedule that is somewhat predictable in each region. The season typically begins in the fall and runs into the spring.

RSV transmission occurs by coming in contact with infectious material either from another individual or inanimate object. The secretions from the eye, mouth, or nose (and possibly from a sneeze) contain the virus. The virus can also survive for many hours on inanimate objects such as doorknobs, hard surfaces, and toys. It can also live on human hands for up to 30 minutes. In infants and young children, RSV can cause pneumonia, bronchiolitis (inflammation of the small airways of the lungs), and tracheobronchitis (croup). In healthy adults and older children, RSV is usually a mild respiratory illness. Although studies have shown that people produce antibody against the virus, infections continue to occur in people of all ages.

Each year up to 125,000 infants are hospitalized due to severe RSV disease; and about 1-2% of these infants die. Infants born prematurely, those with chronic lung disease, those who are immunocompromised, and those with certain forms of heart disease are at increased risk for severe RSV disease. Those who are exposed to tobacco smoke, who attend daycare, who live in crowded conditions, or have school-age siblings are also at higher risk.



  

More information on respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) infection

What is the respiratory syncytial virus (RSV)? - Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) is a very common virus that causes mild cold-like symptoms in adults and older healthy children.

What causes respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) infection? - Respiratory syncytial virus, or RSV, is a virus that attacks the mucous membranes of people's respiratory tracts.

What're the signs and symptoms of RSV infection? - Signs and symptoms of respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) infection include stuffy nose, cough, and sometimes ear infection.

What complications can result from RSV infection? - A person with a first RSV infection can develop severe breathing problems that need to be managed in the hospital.

Who is at risk for RSV infection? - Very young infants, and children with underlying lung, heart, or immune system problems are at high risk for severe RSV disease.

How is RSV infection diagnosed? - Diagnosis of RSV infection can be made by virus isolation, detection of viral antigens, detection of viral RNA.

What is the treatment for RSV infection? - Most people with mild RSV infections get better without treatment. RSV antibody and ribavirin to treat patients with compromised immune systems.

How can RSV infection be prevented? - RSV transmission can and should be prevented by strict attention to contact precautions, such as hand washing and wearing gowns and gloves.

http://www.rsvinfo.com/

Although you may not smoke, you may be exposed to the chemicals in tobacco smoke. How? You may breathe in the smoke given off by the burning end of a cigarette or the smoke exhaled from a smoker. This smoke is called secondhand smoke.

Lung cancer and cardiovascular problems in non-smokers have been linked to secondhand smoke. Children exposed to secondhand smoke are more likely to suffer from lung diseases, ear infections and asthma. Many smokers believe that they can protect their children from tobacco smoke if they smoke away from their kids, for example, by smoking outside their homes. A new study from researchers at San Diego State University and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that these parents may NOT be offering much protection to their children from secondhand smoke.

The researchers studied 49 households with children less than one year old. These households were divided into three types:



No exposure (non-smoking) control group (17 households): all residents were non-smokers for at least one year; no visitors smoked in the home for 30 days before the study.

Indirect exposure group (17 households): the mother smoked every day; all cigarettes were NOT smoked in the same room or in a car with an infant. In 14 of these 17 households, all cigarette smoking was done outside the house. Most (76%) of the mothers in this group said that their infants were not exposed to tobacco smoke.

Answer 14

i know how you feel because my boyfriends mom smokes, not in her house but she does smoke and also has animals in the house and i don't particularly want our newborn to be around all those animals cats and litter particularly and the cat sheds ALOT, but if anything were to come up, i am just going to politely tell her that i don't want our baby to be around the smoke or animals and if she really wants to see her then she will respect our wish!!! That Simple lol HOPE THIS HELPED!!!

GOD BLESS

Answer 15

Hey all of my friends and family smoke too and I had no problem telling them that it wasn't allowed around my baby period! and seriously they wont have a problem with it! its not like you are asking something of them for no reason you are asking them not to smoke around your child for the baby's health. Just tell them with all of the research that you've read and information you have you don't feel comfortable with those chemicals around your new miracle!

when people ask us to go to their house I ask them if they are going to be smoking and if the answer is no then we'll come if its yes them they don't want to see me and my son that bad so we'll pass! Its not like you are being a nitpicker you are doing what is right for your child and they will see that!

and congrats!

Ps you can make a joke out of it...

oh we don't want cigarettes around ______ she is too young to smoke!