How to tell my parents about this relationship?

Question

I'm 19 1/2 years old and in college. I will be graduating college next fall hopefully. Anyways, I've been with my bf for 3 years in a happy relationship....too bad it has to end when he is moving in a week across the country. I'm so sad...we're still going to TRY to be together, I have the money and time to visit him next month but I'm afraid what my parents will think n say.

My mom expects us to break up and for me to find a better man (rich), they will think I'm too young cuz they see me as the baby girl, and they don't want me to spend so much money to see him (I plan about every 2 months or so to see him).

My mom thinks I'm too young to be in love and keeps telling me that I need to "shop" around. Basically saying get a guy until she really likes him. She's so picky.

Answer 1

Your mom is thinking of you but the choice is yours Darling,i hate to tell you this dont think that money can make you happy for than love...

Well have a good talk with her and tell her that my BF not yours dont shout dont curse only tell her that my busness ----- i have been there hunny if i didnt do that i would nt be here now with 2 kids .... and a my wife .... i feel for youuuuu.. take care goood luck from my heart i now how hard is this for you ...  

Answer 2

Ok, so not trying to agree with your mom, but I have been with the same person for 11 years and I am in my mid 20's.  If you truly love this guy and feel like he is the one, then hold on tight.  Though... if you don't you could spend years with someone and miss out on what could have been.  Think about how you REALLY feel and go with that.  Good luck, live a little and have fun!

Answer 3

Finish school and head to LA. It's expensive to live out there so I hope you can find a great job. You didn't mention how old your boyfriend is or why he is going to LA. But, if your 19 going on 20 there is no reason why you can't have some fun traveling. New experiences are great for growth and maturing. You'll be out of college next fall. This year will fly by. I waited 2 years for my boyfriend. (When we were in high school). It'll work out. Your parents need not worry so much. Just tell them your not just going to see him; but you want to see LA.

Answer 4

You're an adult now and your mother's opinion about the men you date is just that, an opinion.  Do not take her suggestions as an order to do differently.  

What you need to do is listen to her opinion and then decide if it is valid, just different from yours or way off base and out of touch with reality.  If it is valid then listen to her.  If it is just different or out of touch with reality then you can ignore her after hearing her out.

It's your life and the sooner you realize that the less time you'll spend trying to unnecessarily please your mother and driving yourself nuts.

the only other advice I have is to make sure you're not the only one spending money to visit him.  He should either spend money to visit you or help you offset the cost of coming to visit him.

FWIW:  if there is no chance of you two being permanently together eventually then the long distance thing will kill your relationship.  If I were you, I'd plan on looking for work where he lives and get your own place or with roommates near him after you graduate.

The reason I don't suggest living with him at this point:  

1.  I don't recommend that couples who are not engaged live together as this delays engagement and marriage and if one of you is expecting marriage then that one will be disappointed and wind up bullying the other one into marriage or the relationship will end.

2.  If things don't work out with him or if the new location doesn't work out for you  then you don't feel trapped and he doesn't feel obligated to you and the relationship doesn't drag on longer than it needs to.

Answer 5

This is a sticky situation because your mom can't control your heart, only try and have you see what might be reasonable in her eyes. All parents what only the best for their kids and for them to make them proud.

You are an adult now and it will be your decision if you spend the money to see him. Unless of course its their money. You may find that your heart will drift apart anyway by being seperated by so many miles. Only time will tell.

I would not hide anything from her and just be honest. Maturity depends on you. Getting reactive with her and making a huge stink will only show your immaturity. If you truly want to see him then be honest, be mature and be responsible. I certainly would not expect her to pay for this though if she is against this.

My best wishes.

Answer 6

Your over 18 and you can do what you want. Don't let your mom choose your boyfriends or control your love life. If you to really love each other then go for it,see him as much as you'd like. Your mom wants you to find someone rich? This reminds me of the film The Notebook of how the parents wants you to find the rich guy and not keep the poor guy who really loves you. ( Not saying he's poor ) .. Do you think it'll work cross country relationship? Does he love you? Will he find someone else? Ask yourself that. Hope i helped

Answer 7

sounds like u love him and if u do do do u dont u dont u never really know but its worth a try just make sure hes not cheating and u r in the clear

Answer 8

Parents are the best and most selfless creatures to take care of u throughout ur life, Best line of action would be folow the parents advise, who r in anyway linked to u, throughout ur life.

Answer 9

Hey, if you or your b/f is capable of leading independent life and any one of you afford to take care of your selves for thirty days, and legally both of you are major as per the constitution of your country, there is nothing to fear to marry and settle down your self.

Why can't you speak to your parents in this regard straight away.

When you have done everything with your b/f for three years, why hesitation now. It is not good to hurt your parents, who have looked after you so far. Tell them everything. Make them feel proud and make yourself happy.

Answer 10

you are old enough to make that decision for yourself, if you and this guy love each other you should be together. Try to talk to your mum and explain about your relationship with this guy, ask her to be happy for you and accept things the way they are. At the end of the day your mum can't choose a partner for you and marrying someone who is rich isn't everything. What matters in marriage is love and happiness. Good luck x

Answer 11

Just tell them, ask them to support you, its your life and your not a baby girl anymore

in fact, it would probably be a good idea, when you graduate from college to find a decent/great job that will support you and then move closer to this guy. (as in, move house)

that is. if you really love him

Answer 12

  I think youre really in a happy relationship with him.And i'll be spoiling your day if i say that a long distance relationship is not working most of the time.You will just be wasting your money and time visiting him.Why is it that instead of him visiting you.,you're the one who is vsiting him?Cant you see..?If he will miss you or loves you..he will make a way to see you.You can tell your parents honestly about this.Youre 19 and i know pretty sure that they knew already about you having BF.

So goodluck!

Answer 13

I doesn't seem like your mom has much to complain about. You are in college and plan to graduate. A lot of people go to Europe/travel, etc.. when they graduate. You will be seeing another country AND your bf. You are paying for the trip yourself, so she can't really tell you not to go. Just point all of this out to her and tell her you are both happy now and you don't  see any reason to break up. You are still young, so just have fun and enjoy yourself, you don't have to move there or get married, just visit.

Answer 14

Tell them that you truly love him and he makes you very happy and there is nothing that you wouldn't give be with him.

Answer 15

Regardless of what your family says, it is unlikely that you and your current BF will stay together when separated by such a distance.  That happens in movies and on TV but not in real life.

Good Luck

Answer 16

It Won't Work.

You'll Both Get Paranoid About What Your Doing

Answer 17

hmm... the fact that you say that you are 19 and a half shows a like of immaturity- also, if you are graduating from college at such a young age, and you have been with this boy for 3 years already, then you are old enough to make up your own mind - you need to follow your heart - I say find a job, follow your heart and go - how can you say that you have no education if you are graduating from college in the fall?  something's not right here

Answer 18

if it is love, then you must follow it!

if not, move on!

:]

Answer 19

Well, it is your relationship, and let your mother know that--of course you've already told her that, but continue to tell her that you are the one in the relationship and not her until she gets that in her head.

As for the boy, I know you didn't ask for advice, but your mother is right. You love him, and love dies down quickly. You don't know who waits ahead of you this year with a new school year--new boys! And you don't know if you are going to spend the rest of your life with this boy...probably not. Face reality and realize, not many couples last across the country. You'll get bored and not be able to hug him at night when things are wrong, kiss him when you graduate...think about this.

As for telling your parents about this relationship, I'd tell them you're not going to give up on your love with this boy until you are sure you don't want to be with him. That simple. You are an      , and they need to respect your descions.

Or you could tell them EXACTLY what you told us.

XoXo,

Good luck,

- <3

Answer 20

Try to understand, although she is going about it the wrong way, she just wishes the best for you and wants you to be happy.

if you both want to stay connected then go for it, but try to look at it and do it as "adulty" as possible.

Talk long with your boyfriend about what is allowed and not allowed as far as hanging out with the opposite s*x when you two are separated. And, any other subjects that may surround your relationship.

Sit with your mom and explain to her that you understand her concern and you are thankful that she cares so much, but that you are an adult - this is your decision. If it ends up wonderful, then wonderful! If not, then lesson learned.

Don't expect it to be all roses though. It can be done, but long distance relationships are hard and take alot of work and understanding.

As long as your working for the money to see him, and your working it out with your job, it is up to you when and how often you see him.

Best of luck.

Answer 21

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to take your mother's advice. You are YOUNG!!!! Shop around as much as you can. Long distance relationships do not work.

Answer 22

explain to your mom how much yu love him and maybe she will understand because this sounds lke the real kind of love that you just dont get everyday.

Answer 23

I say you should move away with him.

Your old enough and everthing.

It doesnt matter what your mother says its your choice and if you want to be true to yourself follow him and never let him go.

I wish you luck.

Answer 24

In your second statement you say you will graduate next fall HOPEFULLY.  the last statement is as is

I'm not going to drop school, move to LA and be poor with no experience and education.

This concerns me and makes me think that maybe you have a thought of dropping school and moving with him..  I only say I hope I am wrong because your schooling is your future.  

Unfortunately in this day and age relationships come and go 3 years is a long time to be together and still be happy.  If you are truely happy together it will wait til you finish school then you can move anywhere you want to move.  Visit him when you can but finish school....  

As for your mother this is pretty normal most parents have a hard time letting go of thier kids and sometimes we just have to do what we have to do they will soon come to the reality that you are a adult and forgive you....

JUST FINISH SCHOOL.   Once you have done that life will be handed to you to control as you would like too...