How to tell potential partner I have herpes?

Question

Hello there, just trying to grab some ideas from people who have experienced telling potential partners they have genital herpes.....

I have suffered for years with genital herpes, met the absolute girl of my dreams, we have been on a few dates had really great times together, she is beautiful, kind and thoughtful but 20yrs of age i am 29yrs of age.

We stayed at mine one night and she stayed in my bed I totally held out for s*x didnt give my reasons, she woke up quite frustrated and upset but in my heart I know I did the right thing as she means alot to me

I have draughted a nice text explaining that I have herpes and if she didnt want to take things further then I totally understand, which of course I will does any1 think thats a good idea because I do not want her to feel uncomfortable if I tell her face to face, remember she is young

Thank you for any answers or advice given

Answer 1

Well, congratulations for being responsible to the young lady but what about No. 1. You have not mentioned that you are receiving treatment and it seems that you don't intend to. Don't be an utter ********. Get yourself seen to by your doctor or a s*x clinic.

s*x is not on until you are in the clear.

Drafting a letter is one thing but it would be horrible to read. So cold.

I would go see her and just come clean. If she is as wonderful as you think she is, she will give you compassion and support, and god knows, you are wanting that right now, aren't you?

Don't worry, it is not the end of the world for you. But take her a nice bunch of flowers wrapped in pretty paper. Combining together to help one another through life's crises is what a meaningful relationship is all about. You are just off to an early start.

Best wishes in that part of your life. She sounds like a super gal.

Answer 2

"While some people may experience an unsupportive response, in fact most have found their partners are both supportive and understanding. It is natural to initially think that a person may base their judgement of you on the fact you have genital herpes. People fear the possibility of rejection but the reality is that it rarely happens."

From: www.herpesalliance.org

Answer 3

That's exactly what to do. You are doing the right thing by not sleeping with her and doing the right thing by telling her, by any means neccessary, rather by text, phone face to face, and guess what, she'll appreciate it, and will respect you for it, cause you could have easily done otherwise.

Answer 4

I have been in your shoes.  I don't think texting is the way.  I have only had to tell 2 people in the time I have had herpes (contracted it at 18 and am now 39).  One I told face to face, he was 19 and he did not react well at all.  It was an uncomfortable situation for both of us.  The other time, I chose to call.  It was still a difficult thing to tell someone that I cared so much for (as you know), but it went much better.  It was easier for him to ask questions, easier for me to answer them.  We are still together now 20 years later.

I would recommend calling her over text..

The best of luck to you whichever way you decide to go.....

Answer 5

There is no easy way to say it.  But you are doing the right thing. Wear a condom if you do.

Answer 6

if you believe she is to 'young' to accept the news in person in a mature manner, then maybe she is TOO young.  try bringing up the subject of std's and slowly lead into it.  best advice i can offer

Answer 7

wow man, I feel for you. I thought I had herpes a few months ago, and one of my major concerns is how I would tell my partners. I wouldn't do a text. I know it's easiest, but in situations like this you have to "man up" and tell her in person, or at least a phone call would be better than text. Actually, I would do a phone call unless you think you can handle telling her in person.

If things don't work out with her I would suggest that you looked online for dating sites for people with herpes, or if you live in a large city, I'm sure there are groups dedicated to this.

Good luck man.

Answer 8

Kudos for taking the high road and not having s*x, potentially infecting another person with a lifelong virus.

I think the letter would be fine - that way she can think without having to come up with a decision instantly.  Less pressure.

Good luck - you deserve it for doing the right thing.

One question - now that you have met the "absolute girl of your dreams", do you wish you had waited for s*x and were now STD free?   Or is that even a consideration?  No judgement, I just wondered.

Answer 9

I have herpes.

I do think you owe it to her to tell her in person, however hard it is.

Just try and memorise what you want to say.

I have told four men, three in person, and all reacted well. Having said that the youngest was 25 and the oldest was in his late 40s, and I do think more mature people would be more accepting.

At 20, I think I might have run, unless I really cared for you and then I would have accepted anything.

Answer 10

you NEED to tell her. something like that you shouldn't hide. tell her it can be preventable. just dont have s*x with her without her knowing you have it.

Answer 11

tell her in person, tell her that is why you did not have s*x with her before. Allow her an out, after you tell her, say you have to be somewhere else, or that you will give her time to think about the situation and tell her to call you if she wants to continue the relationship