How to tell your husband he isn't satisfying you?

Question

I cant believe I'm on here asking this but I'm desperate ..Me and my husband have been married 12 yrs ..I'm 26 now ..do the math ..lol anyhow.. we have 3 kids and for the past well i guess you can say 12 yrs I havent been satisfied ..its been more like a chore to have s*x ..now dont get me wrong i do not want another man or even close to that he treats me like a queen and is the best father ..but he isn't good in bed and now when i sense s*x is coming on that night i get in a ill mood and i got to where now i don't fake it i just lay there.. I know he knows I'm not being pleased ..I have read things that say oral s*x is a good way to start it to turn goo i hate oral s*x ..but i m********e sometimes 2 times a night its not my s*x drive..i love the thought of people having s*x but i hate the thought of it with my husband because its quick and boring ..what do i do someone please help!!!!! you know its bad when your adding bills in ya head while he is getting his ..what do i do please this is a serious question I don't want him to stray because he thinks I'm a dead lay ..is there a way to tell him?

Answer 1

Its called communication you need to talk to him (and you should be able to after 12yrs of marriage) he obviously is just not carrying enough to please i mean my husband can tell when I'm not enjoying it and you said it yourself you just lay there he has to know

Answer 2

I would just sit down with him and have a talk.  Try not to be hurtful about it, but tell him you would like to spice things up a little.  The two of you can throw ideas out together and maybe there will be some that will sound appealing to both of you.  After 12 years of marriage, there is good chance that maybe he is feeling a little bored too, but if you two do not communicate openly and honestly with one another, you won't ever fix this.  Good luck.

Answer 3

try different things like dogy style, riding cowgirl, anal, also may be he needs a bigger ..... also tell him what you like and tell him to do it

Answer 4

Yes but not the way you think.  Tell him what you would like him to do to you.  Tell him you want to try something new and ask for his assistance.  He can't know what you want if you don' t tell him.  Be s**y about it.  There are lots of things you can do besides embarrass him by telling him he is not a good lover.  

You say he is a great husband and a great dad so it will be worth it to learn what you can to do bring your love life around.

Try reading some books by Dr. Laura.  She has some really good advise in making a keeping a good marriage.  she believes that men and woman are not 'equal'.  They are two very different animals and you need to understand your differences in order to work together well.  I recommend "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"

She believes, and I agree, that men are basically simple and women are very complicated.  Maybe after you read her books you will find a wonderful way to approach you husband and resolve your sexual differences.  

Answer 5

My best advice, is to talk with him about how now that you are getting older, you realize you are hitting a sexual peak and are interested in mixing things up a bit.. then, take the lead for a while.. seduce him, but keep the pace and activities where you like them to be.. don't be bossy or anything, but a sweet smile, a hot kiss, put his hand where you want it, place yours over, and move his hand how you want it to be.. if he tries to rush.. say "uh, uh.." in a husky naughty voice and keep leading him how you want it...  you can also talk with him about your fantasies and what really turns you on..  

Answer 6

If he is satisfied with it there will be no changes. That's why they make AA batteries Dearie. You can tell him with tact and gentleness and it will still  be your fault...not his. men put to much of their egos into their genitals. They cannot admit they aren't good in bed, after all it feels good to them.

Answer 7

sounds like your guy needs to last longer? Well that is very fixable, h**l you can go google "prolonging intercourse" and gets more info than you could digest in a night. Just be honest with your husband about your needs, all guys have a drive to satisfy their women, most will strive to do better if the woman is truthful in a non  judgemental, open kind of way.

Good luck

Answer 8

I don't think this is abnormal at all. You've just got to get creative. Bring 'a' toy in the bedroom, see which one you like first, then let him experiment with you with it. That way you're at least getting some pleasure :) And it'll turn him on too. Then progress from there......bring other toys in, vibrators that fit on him (I swear by these, love em! lol). I think he'd enjoy it too, stimulates him as well. You can do this in a subtle way. He 'may' think something's up b/c you haven't approached this in uh 12 yrs, BUT you can say you're getting older...lol....and you want to experiment. Ask him what HE likes too....after you try a toy or two. I think this will open up a whole new side to your hubby too. Have fun with it girl....you can do it!

Answer 9

First of all, if you guys have been married for 12 years, you should be able to tell him. Second, I'm sure guys are pros about talking about your problems. So just tell him exactly  (will maybe not exactly, try to season your words if you could) how you feel. It I know it maybe awkward, but maybe the next time you guys are "doing it" tell him what he needs to do so that you can get yours too. Maybe he can rub you up a bit, or make him slow down. Try a different position. And let him know that s*x shouldn't always be one sided. It is suppose to be a bond that brings you guys closer together. And if all you are thinking about is your bills during this intimate time, he should really consider what he can do so you get something out of it too. If he loves you, he will do what he can to satisfy you.

If the oral thing doesn't work for you, try something else freaky. Like, why don't you take the top for once. Also, do something ahead of time that makes you feel s**y so your a little more relaxed and loose so you wont feel so resentful. Hope this helps.  

Answer 10

You need to just tell him that he has to last longer, seriously.  

Answer 11

i just think it's funny that the guys think it has to do with their "lasting longer". lol

Answer 12

Well, first of all, you must really turn him on for him to be so fast, but he has to learn to control himself.  If you've heard of kegel exercises for women, they also work for men.  

I think it's a good thing because it sounds like you like s*x and want it to get better, I don't think he would get upset at that.

What you could do is after the first time, give him around 30 minutes and initiate it the 2nd time, he should be much better the 2nd time...

Answer 13

Well maybe your not geting so much out of it because you m********e try to have forplay and at least try oral s*x