hey, I'm a 23 year old male and i have been smoking marijuana pretty heavy for the last 2-3yrs. i smoke it as a form of escape from reality. when i was a young boy, around 3-5yrs old, i was raped by a sibling, my dad beat me and neglected me, mum died shortly after leaving me,then when i was 3 days away from collage i awoke to my house on fire which i cheated death from. suffered insomnia for many yrs (still to this day) i have no friends for some reason. basically, its the only thing that makes me happy. I'm worried its messing up my mind but i will no way go to the doctor about this or talk to a professional in case i am mad and they want to keep me somewhere. what can i do to test myself? and then move on to getting help. thanks
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