How to work with someone you don't really like?

Question

I am working as a Resident Advisor at my university this year. I was paired up to work with another girl and at first we got along great. Now, perhaps because she feels more comfortable around me, she seems to be constantly talking about herself. Even if we're talking about something random, she seems to manage to bring up her own experiences or relate her stories to the conversation somehow.

For example, she and I held a floor meeting the other night to explain the rules/policies to our residents. I wanted to get through the meeting quickly and painlessly, to not bore people who aren't interested in small chat, but she kept bringing up little anecdotes about HER and HER experiences! And then I felt like a jerk in front of our residents because I was trying to keep things on track!

I know I should say something but I don't want to make enemies with someone I'm going to have to work quite intimately with for the next year. What can I do? I can't just tell her I don't like the way she is.

Thanks.

Answer 1

I'm going to keep an eye out on your answers because I would like to get help for the same issue. I was recently enrolled in a just for fun class (but still graded, i've already graduated from a university so wanted to take this class to learn for myself) at my community college, most of the assignments were in groups, and the group would always get side-tracked and start talking about themselves for each question we had to answer, bringing in their opinions and 2 cents and wasting time. I got annoyed to the point of dropping out, so I'd like to know how to politely tell someone to keep their stories to themselves so we can get the work done!  

Answer 2

didn't you like ask this question before and before.....or was it someone else???

Answer 3

You should tell her in a friendly way.. that it's great that she feels comfortable talking at those meetings and I am really sure the old people would like some small talk.. but more to her how are they or that they get asked maybe to talk about something that concerns them or to tell a short story of their past... then they feel included but that it's not such a good idea to talk about oneself.. you should tell her that.. also that you like it that you two are open with each other.. but that she seems to talk a lot about herself and exclusively.. tell her that if she has any particular problem and she needs some help with that you are willing to listen but that otherwise you would like to talk about general matters more and not just talk about ''each other'' ... even if it's just about her.. it will make her more comfortable if you say you prefer to talk about things in general than to talk about one another a lot...that is telling her your opinion in an open minded way.. Tell her as you are both open minded people you have the feeling you can discuss everything and you would like to tell her this... and that it may be better to keep thinkgs on track during floor meetings with the residents.. or to ask them about their wellbeing or make some small talk  but more oriented toward the residents... not toward her or you...x

Answer 4

I hate it when people keep talking about themselves and most of the time it's not even true coz it never makes sense. The other day my sister's friend kept talking about her experiences and what she did in the summer and where she spent her vacations..blah blah blah..

I believe people nowadays are more insecure than ever, they only think people will think that they are not sociable or outgoing and they usually want to be seen as outgoing and experienced coz other than that, people will just ignore them or think they are boring or dull.

Not all people are like that but most of them want to be seen like that. They're just insecure. Just ignore her try not to appear too interested in what she says, maybe interrrupt her when you see some other friend coming towards you. Maybe one day she'll stop and listen to what she's saying.

Answer 5

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. For a minute I thought it was going to be about someone who was rude to you or something. That would have been a tough one.

This isn't so bad. I had this girl in my year level who did exactly this. We were good friends until it finally dawned on me that she keeps turning everything around to be about her. Even if I was telling a story.

ANYWAY. What I did was simple.

I just suddenly STOPPED talking to her. It worked out great for me. :) It's awkward for her, but I don't really care. So all's well that ends well.

However, since you have to work with the person I would suggest to do what I did. Remember she is not your friend, so just don't really pay attention to what she does. She'll get the bad mark for being stupid, not you. You at least have a life outside your classes.

So act cool and at all times don't give a d**n.

Answer 6

Right my friend it is not easy task to do it. What my opinion is why not before meeting make a sort of agenda what you two will talk about it. Off course if you just stop talking with her it could raise so many questions in her mind though you know you've to work with her. You've to be patients and take her opinions first how you two will start so if somebody goes wrong later you can tell her, like we agree to do or say this but we were out of track but do not say you were out of track always use "WE" word which includes you but it gives message to your oponent that you are pointing on him/her. Always these sort of meetings with locals or residence make agenda what you have to talk and tell her we'll take short time, like our talk shouldn't be bore them so lets talk to the point. So if you insist about this agenda hopefully it will work. Or what i understand like possible where she is living her life possible nobody listen her and she founds you that you are good listener. You are right if you say something which means you are making enemies against you. Always give her a good smiles though you don't like them but this will make her thinking that you always listen her but why? Never loose your patients OK. Peace in Love. Iqbal