How true do you think this paragraph about nice guys/bad guys is?

Question

Thoughts?

"Until a woman is mature enough, really knows herself

and is ready for a solid relationship, I believe

she will gravitate towards the ‘bad boys.’ Those relationships

don’t last, which deep down inside is fine

with her because she doesn’t really want it to. However,

when she grows up (as I have now) she changes

her definition of what’s interesting and attractive—

the stability and predictability of a nice guy become

magnetic". (Nice guys vs. jerks, 2003, para 2)

Answer 1

I think it's true. Immature women just go for what is 'in', whatever is fashionable.

And these days, the anti-hero and violent boys are glorified in the media. He saves the world, but he drinks, smokes and is polygamous. Immature women just flock to these people, because they're promoted everywhere as 'cool' and 'in'. The average straightedge bookworm (I mean, an unfortunate guy like me) is ignored at best or ridiculed at worst by these women.

And the 'cool' guys turn out to be 'not so cool'. You can't trust these men. And these violent glorified men are abusive. Immature women are walking into the lion's cave just because it's decorated with 'cool' things.

Mature women can identify for themselves that the geeks, while not 'cool' according to the modern definition, are better people to be with and trust.

Great question.

Answer 2

Hmm I think it sounds too simplistic-I think both men and women are a lot more complex. I don't think I picked bad boys, I think I picked immature people like myself. Once I grew up a bit more, I picked more mature people. I don't consider being immature "bad" just a part of growing up. I don't think my partner is predictable, but he is loving and generous in spirit, and that's what I was looking for. I hope I can one day be as caring as he is.

Answer 3

I would say that any author who tries to divide all men into "nice guys" and "jerks" is selling something.

Most well-adjusted people are nice to people who are nice to them, and are jerks to people who are jerks to them; this comes according to the basic instinct of justice.  "Jerks" are people who are nasty to ALL people and just out for themselves, and "nice guys" is a euphemism for people who are nice to ALL people only because they're afraid to stand up to the ones they shouldn't be nice to.

The people who want to convince you that the only guys in the world are either "nice guys" or "jerks" include guys who are afraid to stand up for anything who want to convince women that the only other choice is jerks, and jerks who want to convince women that the only other choice is guys who won't stand up for anything.

The guys that are worth looking for are neither self-styled "nice guys," nor obvious jerks, but people who are capable of modifying their attitudes toward people depending on how those people act.

Answer 4

It is true and has always been true. I was lucky and figured it out early.

I am a nice guy but acted like a jerk at times to keep the women guessing, therefore getting laid all the time. But when I found the right woman, I stopped being a jerk on purpose.

Notice how I say on purpose.

Answer 5

I did that.

Dated several "bad boys" who I knew were just temps, wasnt looking for love or anything long term from them.

Answer 6

Sounds about right...

Answer 7

Bad guys get to have fun and nice guys get to have responsibilities with "mature" (old) women. Sounds about right to me.  

Answer 8

In addition to being a complete ***, "Andy" obviously doesn't know the meaning of the word "pontificate."

Get a dictionary Andy. It may not help you be less of an ***, but it will help you look less idiotic while doing so.

Oh, and I agree with the other poster that said that dividing all men into a "good guy/bad boy" dichotomy is ridiculous and dehumanizing.

Answer 9

That sounds correct. I've noticed that nice guys wives will flirt, twirl their hair and expose their b*****s when so called bad guys are around.

It is not uncommon for nice guys to unknowingly end up supporting at least one child that isn't his.

The figures in Scotland said that one child in three has a father who is not his father.

Answer 10

yes.

Answer 11

It's true for me, I'm L*****n so i just spin it like it's talking about women, funny how that applies across the divides. Interesting question thanks.

Answer 12

I think that's how it goes for a lot of women. The bad boys might get laid, but the nice guys are the ones who get love.

Answer 13

I really do believe this because it's true for the most part.  Nice guys, like me, get ignored and everything but like..when we get older, we notice that we do get more looks.  Makes me wonder if women really do "mature" faster than men.....

Answer 14

I always tell the younger girls I know "You date the bad ones, you marry the nice ones"  I fully believe it.  The guys I dated in my early twenties I wouldn't even consider now.  

Answer 15

It sounds accurate, except just speaking for me, I have never wanted a "bad boy".

Answer 16

sounds about what I went thru

Answer 17

CAustin said it well.

I don't follow this idea of there being merely two groups consisting of "nice guys" and "jerks" or "nice women" and "b*tches".  Even if I joke about it, don't agree.

I think that mentally capable humans can be nice or not. Breaking people down into categories is dehumanising, as another poster mentioned. That notion of "two groups" may lead us to believe that we have some sort of insight as to how other human beings think, act and are... and what they are capable of... big mistake.

People are ALL individuals (even while sharing similarities with one another). Categorising and labelling can sometimes misguide into assumptions based on certain characteristics.

You would be surprised by some of the things apparently "nice" people I have known, have done.

All humans are sometimes nice, sometimes not... it's just a matter of your interpretation of what is "nice", to what degree they are so and/or situation.

As to gravitating towards "bad boys"... I think that many women are attracted to their misperception of an "alpha male" (yes, biology may play a role, but we also have common sense and logic), some have no respect for themselves and so attract (and stay with) men who do not respect them, some are inexperienced and make unwise choices, etc. Different situations for different people... there are also men whom are attracted to (and stay with) women who often manipulate, deceive, seek to control (unrelated to D/s), verbally (even physically) abuse and/or use them, etc.

Some men accept these forms of mistreatment, as do some women, each person for their own reasons, immaturity may or may not be one of them.

Interesting Q.