How will I change this about myself?

Question

For years now I have had problems trusting people fully, I can tell you that I don't trust anyone in my life but myself, and probably my own mother but thats about it. And it really sucks because i feel guilty about it, I feel like I have my closest friends fooled, and it would kill them if they found out. But i alwqays have a feeling that nothing and no one will stick around or last forever, so I don't put my full trust in them, and it worries me because thats also the way I feel about dating. Like I haven't ever been in a serious reltionship with a man because I can't let myself fall in love, instead I lead them on and look like a ***** in the end, there have been so many chances I gave up just because I wasn't ready. How do I start trusting people again, I have the biggest fear of being screwed over, its not even funny.

Answer 1

Something in the past obviously triggered the way you feel about everyone. I used to not trust anyone either, and guys also thought i was a "brat" too.

What helped me, I heard a sermon about how the feelings we have inside like untrust and certain fears usually can be traced back to a specific event where something happened that made you put up a wall or have a fear in that area. The speaker said that we can't start begining to have real relationships until we ask God to help us identify the thing in tht past that triggered it. Then we have to forgive that person and ask God for healing in that area. God will slowly work through you as you read the bible and learn more about him.

For example, one of the things in the past that caused me to have this extreme fear of rejection, and caused me to be really shy, was this girl in one of these kindergartin classes through this paper plane and me and in it, she wrote, your ugly and i hate you.

I didnt remember the time it happened, but when i asked God to help me figure it out, this popped out.  I forgave the girl [i asked God, i have no clue who she is] and i slowly became more outgoing and now im a really out going person.

I also found out the issues behind my untrust and now i have two close friends that a really trust.

BUT you must make sure you dont "throw your pearls to pigs [matthew 6:?]" which means not to trust people who dont deserve your trust. But make sure the people you share with are real, and how you can do that is ask God, He WILL some how or form give you an answer. And as for Boys[for more than friends], dont ever trust them lol. Let whichever boy it is talk to your father or fatherly gaurdian, b.c men are the only ones who can see through other men [or boys] evil or nonevil skeems lol. Then your guardian will give you the heads up!

God bless and once you can fully put your trust in the NEVERFAILING God, who will NEVER let you down,he will help you to trust other people and guide you in the way your should go!...

GoD BLEss!!!!!! hope this HelpS!

<3

Answer 2

Trust is a hard thing to put in people, but you can allow them to build it a day at a time. That way you arent just jumping into something and can also give them a chance to build trust.

Answer 3

Well, you apparently have good reason to feel this way. I know what you mean, though, I don't feel guilty, it's just hard to NOT to categorize everybody as all in the same when your encounters have not been the best. The only thing is that you're hurting yourself. You're the one that is miserable. I believe (and this is MY opinion) that putting your complete/full trust in another person pretty much means you would trust this person with your life; and well, it's ok to not feel that way towards everybody. You trust your mom entirely because she is the one who gave you life & took care of you-who didn't let you down when your life was in her hands.

I have the opposite problem: when I finally do get interested in someone, I'm VERY careful, but once I let someone inside the barrier walls, I fall hard and deep and then I end up hurt. Thing is, you have to let yourself heal. Let yourself mourn. Changing yourself is by far one of the most challenging things you could ever do! It takes time. It takes patience. You see your problem, you admit to it, you know you want to change and that's a huge start. You don't have to trust people who have given you no real reason to do so. Even your "best friends". I've had plenty of those who let me down, and although, still friends, there's a limit on how much trust I put in them...and that's ok. You have to take care of yourself or who will? Except, the old, but so true cliche really applies: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be honest. Be straight-forward. Don't lie to people if you're not trusting of them. You don't have to trust, but you don't have to use people or lie either...then you become the one who isn't trusted.

Oh, and I want to add: if these people are REAL friends, I can assure you, they will stick by you and yeah, maybe they might be hurt (or not-you can't know for sure) but they'll also be glad you were being open with them now and want to help you through this. Then you'll start to learn and trust for their actions and not just because you're "supposed" to. They say "if you want to know who your real friends are, f*** up and then see who's still standing by your side"

Answer 4

lean back , close your eyes and thing back and review your life and try to learn when you became so distrustful of people.

If you do this you will understand why and how you were hurt