How will I do this wedding?

Question

I recently got engaged and plan to get married next year. I've never, ever dreamed of having a wedding because my parents have been unhappily divorced for 12 years and weddings are expensive. My fiance doesn't want to elope, so it looks like we're having a wedding!

My question is this: Is it okay to not have my father walk me down the aisle? Can I walk with my fiance instead? Will the traditionalists in the audience gasp with horror? Will my father be offended? Or should I have both parents walk me down the aisle? (I don't know if I could stand it walking between the two of them) Can I just avoid walking down the aisle altogether?

Also, my brother hates my father. They haven't talked in years (although my father has tried to reestablish a relationship with him). I don't want either of them to feel uncomfortable, but I also don't want to put up with an endless barrage of questions from my dad about my brother. How can I bring this up tactfully?

Answer 1

I agree, walk yourself down that aisle. I did and I looked at it as not only am I NOT a possession to 'be given away', but I am a single woman, quite capable of walking myself, who is openly and willingly marrying the man of my choice and I will walk out of the church as a married woman with my husband at my side. No one batted an eyelash.

As for the relationship of your Father and Brother. Personally I think you first decide do you want them both there? If the answer is yes then you sit down with brother and tell him he is not going to ruin your day with his attitude. He can ignore your Father all he wants but he will not turn it in to a war zone. Tell your Father that you will not be the liaison between his son and he and that considering the circumstances that he needs to respect his son's wishes regarding any possible relationship or not.

Be a bold, proud woman! Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 2

ok in regards to the walking down the aisle; you can walk down the aisle alone.. I have been to 2 weddings this summer and was apart of one last december where the brides walked down the aisle alone. Truth is your father may be offended and if he is just sit him down and explain to him that you'd like to walk down alone because you don't want to be between him and your mother as well as having your mothers feelings hurt. He has to understand that. You shouldn't have to pick a parent over another.

I don't think you can avoid walking down the aisle.. SORRY..

If you and your fiance decide to walk down the aisle together, i don't think it would be such a bad thing. Every wedding has its twist and i think that would be unique and cute..

In regards to your father asking you questions about your brother; let him know [ can be done when/if you tell him you want to walk down the aisle alone] that this is YOUR day and that you don't want any problems or issues this day. You should also make sure that you sit them as far away as possible from each other. Let him know that you don't want to make your brother feel anymore uncomfortable than he already will; so he should not try talking to him so that everyone will be fine.

just for emphasis, you can also tell him that if he cant do this than maybe he should think about whether he really should come to the wedding. I know it sounds harsh but it will show him how much this wedding means to you.

i went through something similar with 2 of my sisters and telling them just how i felt and what i wanted from both of them; worked.

congrats, good luck and i hope this helps..

Answer 3

Just hold your head high and walk down the aisle by yourself. That tradition of someone giving you away at the altar is passe. You don't belong to anyone but yourself.

What do you care who thinks what? Do exactly what you want - walk down alone and be proud.

Answer 4

Congrats!

Totally fine for you and him to walk up the aisle together. My husband and I did this in our church - I was 28, he was 38. People actually loved it! We found out later, that it was actually a very old tradition in our religion/ethnicity. Our attendants walked in ahead of us as couples.

I think in your situation that would be fine, unless you want to walk in alone, which is an option. Depending on the venue, you may plan it to not walk an aisle at all...

Er, about the family thing, idk... you are the only one who knows the family dynamics. Can you talk to your mom about it?

Good luck and happy planning!

Answer 5

Walk down the aisle by yourself. It's YOUR day! Let them gasp... let them talk and whisper. It's not all about them.

It's your choice, it's your day. If anybody asks, tell them "I did it MY way!" - Smile and be your beautiful self.  

Answer 6

It's your wedding.  You can do anything you want.

Answer 7

Just breathe, you can do this, you just need to say true to what will make you happy. For starters, you'll probably have to develop a compromise with your future husband. You want a small wedding with just the two of you, he wants a traditional wedding; so you have a very small ceremony with traditional customs and a casual reception after (or whatever else tickles your fancy).

As far as walking down the aisle, you can do whatever you like but more traditionalists are going to gasp at walking down the aisle together. I am not a traditionalist but I would recommend against it just because I think it's such a cool thing to walk down the aisle and see the look on your future husband's face. My suggestion is to go it alone or to have your brother walk you down the aisle (if you're close).

As far what to do about your brother and your father, I'd recommend just avoiding it to the best of your ability and recommending to your brother that he does the same. If your father brings up your brother, just nicely say, "I don't really feel like talking about this right now."  

Answer 8

You could walk down the aisle by yourself.  I wouldn't recommend walking down with your fiance because part of the fun is watching his face as he sees you coming/for the first time in your dress (it's a priceless moment).  

My sister just got married on Thursday and they didn't walk down the aisle at all.  We all took a limo to the ceremony site together (it was a small ceremony - 13 people including the couple!). We got to there and sat down and they just stood up and the front and began.  That was more their style, they didn't want it to be a "traditional" ceremony.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

Go to Miss Manners and you will all the moral support you need, as well as a gratifying feeling of vindication. Wedding traditionss are not "scripts" (as for a play) which the family need to try to alter to fit itself into. Rather they are guidelines, which are edited and rearranged as need to fit the family.

There isn't even a rule that you MUST walk down the aisle at all, but I know that guests will be looking forward to seeing your stately progression in your new gown and other bridal splendor. Please go it alone or designate a dear friend (male or female) to escort you down the aisle so you don't disappoint the guests.  

Answer 10

How about walking down the aisle by yourself?  

Answer 11

HONEY! You need God in the mix on this one! You can't avoid the conflict, if not now, then later, but pray about it, and GO FOR IT. prepare yourself mentally to handle things one conversation at a time. Good luck, God Bless

Answer 12

There's no reason to have your father walk you down the aisle if you don't want to. Your fiance can walk you down the aisle or you could even walk down by yourself. And if anyone "gasps in horror" that is their problem, not yours.

If either your father or your brother start asking about the other, remind them that this is your wedding day, and you are not a mediator. You will not be discussing either of them with the other, and change the subject. This way neither one of them will think you are talking behind their backs, either, which is good. You also need to tell them both that no "scenes" will be tolerated on your wedding day. And if either of them get out of hand you will have them removed.

Congratulations!

Answer 13

over all i'm going to say this! it's your day do what ever you want!  if you don't want to do traditional stuff then dont!

i mean i have a mini fair for my reception and the wedding it self i want it to be quick quick quicker!!

my mom and dad are walking me down or up to the bridge!  

but as for as your questions

it's fine not to have your dad walk you down the aisle...  you fiance can never seen that and wouldnt that take away the suprise of him seeing you??? reguardless it's your day do what you want!

you can avoid walking down teh aisle all to gether yes!!  just stand!

talk to your dad and let him know your wishes! and if he brings it up on the day look at him and say you know what i don't care... this is my day not your day to talk about your son!

and walk away !  he will get the hint!

Answer 14

If you're closer to your mom, consider her walking you down the aisle. My mom is walking me down the aisle (Dad's not in the picture at all), and I personally wouldn't have it any other way.

Also, I do know of this tradition (not sure which religion it is) where the bride walked halfway down the aisle herself, and her future husband meets her in the middle of the aisle, and they finish the walk together. It symbolizes "meeting halfway" and compromising in a relationship. I think that's really cool. If I didn't want my mom to walk me down, I'd have done that.

But hun, there are no rules to follow. Just do what you think is best for you and your fiance. Enjoy planning, too:) It IS really stressful, but it's also a lot of fun. Congratulations!

Answer 15

You can have anyone walk you down the aisle. I like the idea of walking down with your fiance. SOme people may not like it, but you are entering the marriage together and it seems like a nice way to represent that you are a team approaching everything together. DO whatever works for you, just be polite about it to avoid hurting feelings. Hopefully they will see that the important thing is that you are marrying the man you love.

Seat your brother and father separately. Tell them that you love them both, and while you will do what you can to make things more comfortable you will have a lot to deal with and they need to do what they can to make it work.

Good luck, I am sure everything will be fine. Even if something goes wrong, its just a day. THe important thing is the marriage, so focus on the years after the wedding that the day signifies if it starts going downhill. Good luck!

Answer 16

Walking down with your fiance is incredibly appropriate. You're starting your new life together. My fiance and I are going to be walking in with our parents, but that's because it's a Christian ceremony. But even then we're planning on walking the very last bit together, without our parents, because we're *leaving* our fathers and our mothers.  

Answer 17

How about your mother? Walk down with your mother if you are close to her.

And no, no one will freak out. Weddings are anything but traditional these days.

And congratulations, by the way.  :)

Answer 18

It's YOUR wedding.  Do what you want, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.  You could walk alone... I've seen that done.  If your brother hates your father that is his problem, not yours.  He should have enough respect for you to participate in your wedding without displaying animosity toward your father.