How will I know for sure if I want to have children?

Question

I am 25 and engaged and people always ask when we are planning on having kids. My original response was in about 5-6 years, after the wedding, and after graduate school and once we travel a bit and buy a house. But now I am not sure if I want them. I thought I have so much I want to do before kids tying me down, so I will wait, but now I think I will always have things I want to do and never want to feel tied down, so I dont know. I like children, but dont want to be unable to have freedom anymore. My fiance feels the same way. Any advice?

Answer 1

try foster care...thats what my aunt did and now she has a great kid whos 6yrs old & + it will help you decide...but try little kids because older ones are usually bad asses

Answer 2

you will no when ur ready u still got plently of time .. its somethimg u will just no when the time is right because u will long for it.. my brother and his partner are 36 and 39 and just had first baby u are still young as long as u happy. im 22 yrs old and pregnant with my first baby im 35 weeks its something me and my partner both really wanted and tried for 7 months and we are happy .. jut do what feels right for now take it a day at a time x

Answer 3

Like a lot of others said, If you have to ask the question, then you probably don't want them. I always knew and I did, and I thank God everyday for them. Its just something I think you know

Answer 4

If you have to ask the question, then no, you don't want children.

Anyone that wants a family ... will know beyond any doubt that is what they are interested in.

Sort of like love.  If you are wondering if you are in love or not ... then you are not.

Answer 5

Girly, I know exactly how you feel.  My husband and I are both 28 and have been married for 5 years.  Everyone is constantly asking when we are having kids, or why we haven't already.  We don't really have an answer.  

We both just got good paying careers (he was in military, then both of us college, and graduation 12/07-me, 05/08-him).  So, we are making good money, and of course we're thinking of things we'd like to do, build a house, travel out of the country and so on.  Things that having kids would really inhibit our doing.  Plus, the way society and America and the world in general has changed (for the worse) since we were young, I don't know if I want to raise my children in such a hateful, negative, unsafe world.  Worrying about child predators, and terrorists, suicidal killers on campuses, and not being able to Trick-or-Treat to every house on the block.

But, on the other hand I think of the good times my husband and I had going to Disney World and how much a child would enjoy it.  And going to the zoo, participating in school sports and dances etc and all of the other things we did when we were younger.  Plus, having someone around when we got older, someone to spend holidays with, and unfortunately when we are alone, having a child to share the grief with.  

I just don't know.  I just know that having kids will definitely tie us down, and stop us from doing the things we want to do.  And yes, it may sound conceited, and maybe it is, but I don't ever ever want to have children and for even a minute regret it because they have something important going on, that stops us from taking a vacation, or not being able to buy the little 2 seater sports car because we need room for a baby seat.  Maybe once you give birth to the child something kicks in and makes you never regret having them, but, still.  

All I can say is if you figure it out, please let me know.  But, you aren't the only one that feels that way so take comfort in that at least.  Not everyone is made to have kids, so that may be the case, or maybe we just haven't been bit by the "baby bug" and our clocks haven't started ticking yet.

BTW my husband feels the same way so it isn't just us crazy, emotional, over-analyzing women.

Answer 6

I wouldnt have children if I didnt want them.  Its a personal choice and if you dont want any and neither does your fiance who cares what people think or want.  Its your life ENJOY IT!!!

Answer 7

I would say you are clearly not ready for kids yet and you might never be. That will be for you to decide. When and if you are ready to have kids you will likely decide that anything else you still want to do really can be done with kids or after your kids are grown. I will likely be an empty nester by 50 and will still have a good 20-40 healthy years ahead of me to do what I want. Picture yourself at 50, which will you regret more, not having children or not traveling and having freedom to do what you want when you want?

Having children isn't for everyone and that's perfectly fine. Just make sure that you and your DF are on the same page.

Answer 8

You answered your own question:

"never want to feel tied down"