How will I know when I'm ready?

Question

My mom recorded a lot of the time I was at the hospital with my son. I've really been wanting to watch it, but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to handle it. How will I know if I'm ready to watch it.

Answer 1

I doubt if you will ever truly be ready, but putting it off in my humble opinion will only make it harder.

Answer 2

I'm not sure you'll ever know, but if you've been wanting to watch it, that might be a good place to start. You can always turn it off once you begin, even if you've only watched a few seconds. Go slow and at your own pace.

Also it might be helpful to have someone to help you process it when you're done, or if you watch it in different times. Working through the emotions and telling people about them can be really healing.

Answer 3

If it was me i would sit down watch just a little walk away think about that i did watch and how it made me feel inside. and just repeat the proses and as you get more comfortable you can sit and watch the hole thing through. I know for me it has help so much to just have pics of my brith mother that i can look at. Good bless!

Answer 4

My prayers are with you, and all other mothers who place.  I know it is the hardest thing in the world.  It's going to be hard.  I know as an adoptive mother that I was made one of the happiest women on earth when I saw my son that I adopted for the first time!  His mother and I shared some tears in the hospital.  I'm trying to be the best mom ever for our son (all in all, me, his daddy, and his first parent's son), and I hope your son feels blessed with the parents he got.  I know it's probably going to sound weird now, but I'd have your mom watch it with you, and take a picture of you while you're watching it, so when you are reunited one day, that he'll know how hard it was, and that you felt you didn't have a choice, and placed him because you felt that it was in his best interests.  Maybe when he sees your eyes watching it, he'll be understanding, and love you as much as you love him.  Good luck!

Answer 5

I'm assuming you gave your son up for adoption?? If this is the case (pardon me if its not!!) then just remember, you did a great thing.  Keep it in your mind that you did what's best for your son, and he'll love you dearly no matter what for you placing him in a good home where he has a mother & a father who are capable of giving him a great life.  Time will heal, but it may take months, or maybe even years.  You will just know when you are ready.

Answer 6

i can't answer that question for you, camira...especially under the circumstances.  

i would say that NOT watching the video will not lessen your pain.  by NOT watching it, it will not make the pain "go away" nor become "less real."  NOT watching the video won't make the coercion and lies less real.

IMO...if you have to ask the question, i think you are ready.

(((HUGS)))

ETA: to betsy...*sigh* please do a little research before jumping in the convo...

ETA2:  personally, (and i mean this with the upmost sincerity) i don't think it's appropriate for aparents to answer her, offer prayers, inject how their child was a gift to them, while benefiting from a child received from a grieving fmom... it's condescending. i wonder, if any of these aparents offering prayer, were in the similar situation as camira, would they return the child???

ETA3: her pain would stop if her child was returned!!! all of this tear-wiping and empathy is pathetic! she would not be on this board had she not been coerced into giving up her child! this is the reason why newborn adoption, prebirth matching and all the other "nonsense" meant to give people newborns should be outlawed!! camira is grieving because she wants her son back and the aparents are fighting her... for all who are so "i'm so sorry", why not advocate for longer revocation periods, more support to young struggling mothers and stop fueling this industry that normalizes taking babies away from their moms!!!!

Answer 7

I don't really think there is a such thing as "ready."  I think that no matter when you watch it you will have the same emotions.  Not that you should be watching it if you are feeling down already for some reason.  

It is good to remember and reminisce.  Just like it is good to do the same with a deceased family member.  You can't pretend your son never existed.  

I have a video of my son when we were in the hospital together too.  I watch it a lot.  I mean A LOT.  Watching it makes me feel sad and happy at the same time.  I like remembering the feeling of holding him for those three wonderful days.

Answer 8

(((((Camira)))))

I agree with EVERYTHING Tish said. Especially the last ETA.

Even 12 years later there are days when I can't even look at the pictures of my children. The pain of losing a child in this way is impossible to describe. The best advice I can give you is to take it one day at a time. NEVER GIVE UP!!!!! I hope with all my heart that your son is returned to you.

Answer 9

You'll feel when the time is right. Don't rush it and again I hope your child will be home soon.  I would journal about your feelings and the events surrounding this so you can submit articles for awareness and education of the problems with adoption.

Answer 10

You can always walk away or shut it off it becomes unbearable.  If it were me, I would already know it's going to be emotional, so I'm not so sure I would wait until I thought I could handle it.  That day may never come (even if you are reunited with your child again).  I would try to think of it as encouragement, or motivation and put it in every time I felt like giving up the fight.

Good luck.

Answer 11

That is going to have to be your descision.  Unfortunately I don't think there will be a certain time when you can watch it and not be affected.  God Bless YOu!