How will i ever achieve the life i want when i have so many problems ?

Question

how am i supposed to cope and manage ?

and being far away from my goals and ambitions in life ?

i feel so full of aggression, bitterness, resentment about the way my lifes turned out.

normal things have never happened to me because so many tragic things have happened to me.

time in jail, a criminal record - time in a psychiatric hospital for 18 months - a history of rage and aggression outbursts - suffered severe bullying and abuse throughout my life - being homeless for 12 months. head injuries in a street attack.......mental and psychological abuse.......physical assaults........muggings.

ive been fckd over left, right and centre - i feel society has a negative view of me - everywhere i go people seem to treat me aloofly - rejecting of me ..

i get patronised , spoken down to, belittled......i feel ostracised and alienated from mainstream society......like nobody cares and people want me to fail.

i feel people either somehow know about my past or remember from my public rage outburst when i used to lash out at people......lose it badly.....knock people over......cause myself to get attacked, publically embarressed.........cautioned by the police etc.

ive been extremely luck not to finish up in big trouble - i never planned those rage attacks they just used to take me over whilst out in public - id see people and get jealous of their lives as what i percieved as ' happy ' and ' perfect '..

feel threatened by other men looking at me......feel singled out by people then i would just end up losing it completley....like a build up of tension.

even though ive been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd i think sometimes by symptoms could be intermittent explosive disorder.

basically my lifes been ruined all my life - i now live alone in a 1 bedroom flat on disability - i own nothing except an old computer.

i have a skin problem on the head of my p***s im waiting to hear from with a dermatologist ( cracked broken skin covering the head part )

torn ankle ligaments due to an injury years ago, ive had a scan , was told it will take time to heal......waiting for physio.

joints and ligaments that are weak, and protest against minimal excercise , also my joints seem to easily ' move out of place '...

a crooked little finger that droops over due to an injury that wont straiten.

damaged nerves in my knuckle through punching a wall years ago, i can use it normally , but was told nothing can be done to heal it...........its in my right hand..

ive had an assesment for group therapy at a psychotherapy centre that occured the other day.......i have to wait to see if they can offer me a service........have to wait weeks.

meanwhile my lifes empty, lonely, isolated and dull.......i feel everybody is rejecting me.....because everybody continues to be aloof to me.

Answer 1

Hi there, Not want you want to hear I'm sure, but you really are in a bit of a victim mode right now.  I'm not judging you for sure, but there seems to be far less concern in you for the people you have victimized, and only concern for yourself.

If you want more form life, give more to it  The more you contribute the more you will get back, the more you take away the more will be taken from you.

If you get out of yourself for a while your mood will change.  Volunteer and charity work is the place to start, trust me.  If you are serious and you want societies attitude toward you to change you must change your attitude towards yourself.  Society owes you nothing.  It is your job to prove you are a worthy citizen again, it is not a right or a privilege owed to you.

Volunteer work will open people up to the idea that you MIGHT have changed.  It will be a crack in the door, but to be honest it's  the best chance your gonna get.

I have website that deals with this a lot, have a look you might find it interesting

http://www.dream-life-coaching.com

good luck  

Answer 2

Just remember:

Adversities build character; problems only make us stronger! *hisssss*

Answer 3

when I read" nobody comes to me" I think I may have figured out your problem. You need to go to them! You wear your problems like a bad suit, you do have alot to deal with but put it aside to be more social. Do some charity work, get out and meet people. You need to make some friends. I dont beleive you are being negative, but the way you think is only holding you back. dont think of reason not to be fully functional, think of reasons to be functional.   you can walk, You can talk. Get out, get some 1 0n 1 therapy and dont isolate yourself any longer. The image you project to people is how they see and how they percieve you,

Answer 4

Sometime you have to pretend. If you fake confidence, calmness, you can find that job you're looking for and move to where you want.

And people DO reach out to you. You push them away because your fear of rejection is greater than your need for companionship.  

Answer 5

Just let it go- give yourself a rest - the past is the past.

Answer 6

Life is a test.

I would say turn to God for help.

With God anything is possible.

God is able to help.

Read the book of Job. His suffering and pain but he had faith in God, and never let go of his faith. God was able to help him too because his new life was built on Wisdom and Faith and was even better than before.

Answer 7

You are not your past.  So stop living there.  Because that's what you are doing.  Print this list of negativities in your life and then shred them.  And act as if they no longer exist for you.  Then make a list of your blessings, even if that list is shorter, and be thankful for them.  Keep it with you and remind yourself of them everyday.  You will start to see that list grow.

Once you start feeling as though you deserve success, without your resentment of your past, you will start to achieve it.  

Once you start to love yourself and others, unconditionally, you will start to feel as though you are living a charmed life, where things fall in place easily, instead of always being a struggle.

Don't depend on the opinions of others about you or your past.  Don't worry about what they think.  Or what you "think" that they think.  Humans tend to make themselves the centre of our universe and get so caught up in that, that we then project that thinking onto others, feeling that they are also thinking about and judging us, when in reality, we are NOT at the centre of others thoughts.  They are worried about themselves and their own lives just as you are.

The only thing you have any power over is you and your reactions to life.  You can't control how others treat you.  Only how you treat yourself and others.  I think you will find that once you start treating yourself and others with a little love and kindness and compassion that you will start seeing more of this behaviour being shown to you on a regular basis.

Blessing and love to you.

Answer 8

Just keep on going... try and keep your head up and stay on track. It sounds to me like you have learned from your past and now you want to take steps to better your future. I think that you really need to get in touch with your self and evaluate your goals... take it one day at a time and take "baby steps" to get there. It will happen... where there is a will- there is a way!!

It may seem really hard at times, but remember that someone somewhere always has it worse. And as for people not caring... I just read your paragraph and it made me care- so there's one person.

I'm not a really religious person, but I will keep you in my prayers!! Good Luck-