How would an adoptee feel if you found out that your AP's ....?

Question

had agreed to an "open" adoption, then cut the first mom out? How would you feel if they told you lies about her and then you met your first family or siblings and you found out that they had lied to you about her?

Answer 1

Furious!  It would make me re-think any trust I had previously had in them.  I'm not sure I could ever forgive this.

Answer 2

I would be upset but in the end I would forgive them.  For one they are my family my only family. Plus I also know that forgiveness is the right thing, it can take time but it’s right.

Answer 3

Of this I am certain.  I would NEVER talk to them again.  And I would try to sue them for damages.

Answer 4

That is horrible.  The aparents are inflicting pain in an already painful situation.  The truth will come out and it will damage the aparents relationship with the child.

Answer 5

I would be absolutely furious.  I'm sorry, but no excuse like "maybe they had a REASON" would cut it.  Because, let's face it, everyone has a "REASON" for everything they do.  It's no excuse for dishonesty and underhanded behaviour.  Everyone is entitled to the truth.  This whole idea of people not being able to "handle" the truth is erroneous, presumptuous and insulting.  Ultimately, the truth is the one thing people handle the best, even if it takes time to deal with it.

EDIT:

Hmmm....thumbs down for people who advocate telling the truth?  Makes one wonder.

Just for the record, my adoptive parents never lied to me about such matters.

Answer 6

Absolutely FURIOUS.

(along with heart-broken, confused & betrayed.)

Answer 7

I would be furious absolutely furious.  I think it is unethical for an adoptive parent to promise this in order to get a mother to relinquish.

Answer 8

Devastated.  Furious.  As if I could never trust a human being again.  As if my life had been a lie.  Resentful.  Manipulated.  Et cetera.

Our parents are the people who teach us trust and morals.  If they have no morals and cannot be trusted, how can they raise a well-adjusted child?

I know there are situations in which an open adoption closes because it's the right thing, or the first mother closes it, but that's not what's under discussion here.

Answer 9

It happened to me....I don't know if the adoptive parents have made up lies or not. I doubt they have even told him he was adopted. We had agreed on an open adoption, however after about a year the adoptive parents moved leaving no forwarding info. and have never tried to get in touch with me. I trusted these people. They lied to me and promised they would never do such a thing. Didn't take long to break that promise!! Broke my heart! One day I will be able to tell my son how much I love him and how his parents lied to me!

Answer 10

I would probably feel quite a range of emotions, from betrayal, to anger, to pity, sadness, disgust, grief, etc.  It's hard to really say with any concrete surety, because obviously it's never happened to me, but I'm sure I would feel very betrayed by their actions; angry at them for hiding this from me, for breaking their promise to my n-mother (and, in a way, to me); sadness for them, for myself and my n-mother and what we've missed out on over the years; disgust at the level of betrayal that my a-parents displayed; grief over the loss of contact I could have had with my first family.

I suppose I could forgive them with time, because I have always been a very forgiving person, but I don't know if the level of trust I had in them would ever be the same.  There would always be that nagging suspicion in my mind...what else are they hiding?