How would this marriage work out?

Question

Help ladies. You have a boyfriend that is great and have been with him for 4 years. Things are so nice, you love each other alot. However, for whatever reason this guy is just scared to get married, everytime he promises you, he changes his mind. He is a man of his word of everything else in life, just gets scared to get married.....BUTTT, bcs. of this you have suffered of his false promises even though you still completely love him and you know he loves you.

You want to be married and not wait longer and decide to dump this guy and reconnect with an old boyfriend of yours. This guy asks you to marry him only 4 monhts later and you accept. The truth is that he is giving you what you want (marriage, stability, not having to wait, etc.) HOWEVER you deep inside wish you were marrying the other guy and love him more than the guy you are marrying. If this is how you feel the day you get married, how would your marriage turn out? Would you always regret your choice or just learn to love the new guy and forget the other guy? please be honest

Answer 1

You shouldn't be sad on your wedding day.  I honestly don't think either guy is right for you.  The first one didn't really love you..probably cared for you.  But after 4 years you know if you want to marry someone or not....and he let you go.  And you don't love the second guy, you just love that he loves you!

Keep looking...you just haven't met the right guy yet.

Answer 2

i completly agree with the answer above...thats not just cold feet your talking about that regret.....and that can haunt you for a long time which may lead to an unhappy marriage...maybe not an unsuccessful marriage just unhappy...i had the choice to marry someone that i knew was toxic and would make me unhappy i almost did it...later i found my husband and i am just as happy now as i was five years ago

Answer 3

Wait for the guy you really love!!  

Answer 4

A dear friend went through a similar situation as yours.  She was with her first boyfriend for 5 years.  They would talk about marriage, pick out rings, talk about their future together, etc. -- but he never proposed.  She didn't pressure him.  He had severe issues due to his past, his parents, and she left him alone.  Finally she realized that she loved him very much, but wanted more out of life.  She wanted a child -- as a wife.  They broke up about 8 years ago.

Shortly after the breakup, my friend met the most amazing guy.  He fell hard for my friend, but she wanted to take it slow since she was still recovering from her former relationship.  After dating for a little over a year, this guy proposed.  My friend thought about it for a few days, wondered if she was still in love with her first boyfriend -- and realized that she was holding on to the past.  She wrestled with this briefly .... and accepted the proposal.

My friend has been married for 4 years and has never looked back.  Oh, the former boyfriend still comes around, they are good friends.  Looking forward has improved her life tremendously.  Looking back only generates regrets.  Life is too short to spend it looking back.

Best Wishes.

Answer 5

If you have doubts, don't marry him.  End of story.  If on what is supposed to be one of the most positive days of your marriage you have major doubts, then imagine what you will feel on one of the worst possible days of your marriage when you have had an argument or you are disappointed in your husband.  You will have nothing to fall back on, and the marriage will eventually collapse.  

I suggest finding stability within yourself.  My ex pushed me to get married because he thought everything was going to be "fixed" once we lived together.  I agreed because I had been with him for many years and in our area, people are expected to get married after a few years of dating.  It was disaster, and I spend nearly six years trying to make something work that was never going to work.  Don't do this to yourself.  

The first guy doesn't want to get married for whatever reason, but you do. You were right to leave the first guy.   Don't sell yourself short and marry the second guy.  You deserve to be married to a man you truly love.    

Answer 6

Your still in love with the first guy, that is where your heart is.  You figure it out.  

Tell the new guy your only marrying him to get married, but your in love with someone else, that is the honesty that is required in a marriage.  See what he says.  Did you accept hoping it would make the first guy want to marry you, but he still did not step up to the plate?

Why is marriage so important to you?  It will not keep a wanderer home, or a cheating heart to not roam.  Your willing to ruin your life and the life of this second guy over your wishes and desires to fit into society.

Answer 7

Wow thats complicated! If you've been with him for 4 years and no marriage...tell him if you all don't get married soon! You're leaving him. Don't fall for the "I haven't found the right time" or " I'm still buying the ring" it's been 4 years there has been MORE than enough time and I know he anit that broke! Girl move on. Talk to the old boyfriends for about 2 years, take your time. A deep connection might unfold! If it doesn't keep looking, but please leave that sorry 4 year relationship because he should have been asked you to marry him.