How would you approach a conversation if you were in this situation?

Question

There is this girl I used to live with when I was in high school. She is 19 and I am 22. Well she was recently living with this married couple and she was sleeping with them both. Well she is in love with the guy and doesn't want to sleep with the girl because she doesn't like girls, well the guy got her pregnant, and she was going to move out with some friends. The problem is she doesn't have insurance or a car or a job or a license, and she has no means of getting any of that on her own. She wants to keep the baby too. So I told her to come move in with me and my husband and we would help her get a license and a good job and a car, and teach her to manage money and help her get on medicade or something for the baby. So she moved in. The problem is she still sees the guy that she was just living with every day and she sleeps over at the couples house practicly every night. I feel like its pointless what were doing for her if she is still seeing this guy and sleeping over there. So I want to talk to her about and tell her that my husband and I are not ok with this, and tell that we feel it defeats the purpose of us having her move in. How do you feel about this situation and how would you address this conversation?

your opinions are apreciated thank you.

Answer 1

Well first off it was very sweet of you to give her some shelter.  Ask her to sit down with your husband and you.  Tell her something like "We love you when your here but you can't have him sleeping over at our house all the time.  So please stop."

Answer 2

You are facilitating her behavior. And sadly just by you saying you don't want people looking down on her I can tell you are being way to leniant on her. She is an adult her decisions are her own. You are a wonderful person to offer her help, but some(albeit most) people do not always want help.

Sure being young can make you more easily manipulated, but if she continues going back and doesn't follow your example. Perhaps you are the ones being used. She got herself into the situation, regardless of being a ward of the state since she was younger or whatever.

We all go through hardships, I don't use the things I went through as excuses nor should she, and you definately shouldn't for her. She is on a destructive path, if you want to help her you need to tell her she either doesn't see them any longer, or she leaves your house for good.

If she leaves do not let her come back. Remember helping others is comendable but taking on other people and there problems will also serve to uproot a young budding relationship that I believe you and your husband have. Do not risk it... Offer her the last chance and go from there.

Good luck I know it may not be what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear.

Answer 3

Well this sounds like a very serious situation, you obviously care about her a lot or you wouldn't be helping her.  You and your husband need to sit down and have a talk with her.  Begin by explaining that you really care about her and want the best for her.  First, she needs to know that it is not okay to sleep with married men.  Second, she is going to have a baby and needs to do whats right for the child.  So by telling her that you and your husband are trying to get her on her feet and want her to do well and are doing everything in your power to help her she needs to understand that also.  Let her know that it is not okay what she is doing by staying the night there often and whatever other issues you need to address.  Just be honest with her and reassure her that you have her best interest at heart.