How would you deal with your husband (or wife) being in the military and being deployed to another country?

Question

My husband has been in Iraq since January. He just came home for two and then had to leave again. We have two children who take this very hard as well. I just want to know how everyone else could deal with this.

Answer 1

It is very hard, but think of it this way, he is making sure that America is a good place for your children when they get out on their own.  My father is a retired Marine and I am thankful every day for the sacrifice he gave.  I can understand your point but he has no choice in the matter, he has to go

Answer 2

I just try to keep myself busy.  Last time my hubby deployed I was pregnant with our first so I only had to worry about myself.  When he goes this time, I will also have to work on keeping my 3 yr old busy.  

Answer 3

No matter what path in life you chose there will always be negatives...... the key is to focus on the positives and try to turn the negatives into a positive

Be creative.... make your family your husbands "Support Team"..... Have the kids send situation reports to the "commander".....(taped or written).... make him a part of what is happening at home..... give part of your husbands role at home to your children..... the busier you are the less you think about the negatives..... contact other military families..... create a support club.....including the children....

be there for each other..... make movies.... a time capsule..... have him ask the children to do things for him.....dry dishes.....cook Mommy breakfast and give her a break..... massage your feet..... get life size posters made of him....  make plans for his return; places you will go; things you will do together..... do your recons and prepare for his return......

Those that wait behind are often more stressed than those serving in Iraq.....at least those in Iraq they know when they can relax.....At home you NEVER know .....for you he is ALWAYS in danger.....

Answer 4

I am in the same boat that you are in. My hubby has been gone since Jan and he just left after 2 weeks r&r. Only a military wife could answer this question (so ignore the jerk that responded). Though some might could speculate, they have no clue what you are going through. I make sure that I have time set aside for each child for something that Daddy might do with them (throw the ball, go get an ice cream, read a book, etc) and I stay very busy. Make sure to take time for yourself. Don't watch the news. Get rest. Chin up girl. It sucks so bad, but you and the kiddies will make it.  

Answer 5

Well I was averaging about 245 days a year deployed outside of the US and 2 continuous years in the middle east.  Only part of that time when I was married.  It isn't easy for him either, but I'm guessing this is something you knew when you got married in the first place.  I wish I knew what to tell you, but I saw too many marriages fall apart because the spouse wasn't able to cope and the majority of the time they cheated.  Stay strong, stay supportive, and stay faithful.  

Answer 6

My husband is currently going through his second deployment in Afghanistan (first was a year in Iraq).  We have a 18 month old who takes Daddy leaving very hard.  Daddy is the fun one, Mommy means business.  :P When Kev had his first deployment it was really hard, we were 6 weeks between each letter, no internet, phone use was very limited.  I just made sure I wrote him every day, and got through it with a lot of prayer.  With this deployment, I have my son to deal with too.  My husband just left to go back from his 2 week R&R on the 7th of Aug.  We try to make sure every phone call we stay positive, and even if our son is asleep I'll tip toe in and put the phone to his ear just so Daddy can say he loves him.  I try to keep my self busy (but with a toddler it isn't hard).  I decided to go back to school while he is deployed.  My son still goes to the door and will ask about Daddy, and point to his picture.  One thing that really has helped us out is we count down paychecks.  We started it when he was in Iraq.  We are currently down to 14 on this 15 month deployment.  It sounds a lot better than counting months or days.  He seems to get more into it than I do when he calls.  Another thing that we try to do is a surprise a month.  This is just between me and my husband.  We both have to do one special thing for the other that month.  This past week my surprise came and it was roses with lillies.  He told me he already has my Sept. present in the works.  That way you still keep up the romance.   You could send a romantic card, make something special, anything really.  Another thing to always remember, is how fast the past few months have flown by.  Before you know it, you'll be waiting at a flight hanger, holding a welcome homer banner, and taking your hubby home. Just keep the faith, we all make it, and we all can get through it. :)

Answer 7

Let't get out of this quagmire in Iraq and bring your husband home to his loving wife and family. We need to provide better compensation to professional soldiers and better health care when the return. Educational benefits must be improved. Sadly, American foreign policy is suspect in the eyes of the world and our government has lied repeatedly.

I strongly recommend that you become involved in your community through volunteer organizations or through a religious or spiritual group.

The so-called war was an illegal invasion and is now an occupation. Our Department of Defense is a misnomer.

Answer 8

If he was in the army when you got married, then you got what you bargained for. Deal with it.

If he joined up after you got married, he's a self-centered, egotistical jerk, who cares not one iota for you or the rest of your family, and you should have filed for divorce before the ink was dry on his enlistment papers.

Answer 9

From a former Navy Enlisted.

1st I want to thank your husband for his service to our country, but as equally vital is your support of him in his mission.  The way you and military spouses like you are dedicated and devoted to him is another wonderful way to serve our country; and often gets overlooked.

Surround yourself with family (if possible) or friends (such as other military families, or church/community groups in your area) who will support you in raising your children.  Successfully dealing with his absence is important to your husband, therefore to our county's security.  Avail yourself of resources the military provides such as Ombudsman, chaplain, and the like.  Be sure to find a way to give yourself a few hours per week without the children, either by having another military mom watch your children, perhaps in exchange for watching theirs at another time.

Realize that this is a season that shall pass.  Hold on to the memories  you have of your husband, build new ones by sending him gifts, letters, and cookies *yes, even a little stale, he will love them ... trust me*  This will build anticipation for his return in both of you.

Finally, be sure to safe-guard your heart against infidelity.  Going to the club may seem like a fun way to have time away from the children, but without your husband it can put your relationship at risk.  There are other fun ways to take care of your emotional needs without placing that valuable trust between you in jeopardy.

I hope this helps.  Thank you, once again, for your service to our country.

Answer 10

It is very hard to deal with. We are on month 12 of a 15 month deployment. Some days are still hard. I wish there was some magic wand we could wave that would make it easy. But we don't, so we just take it one day at a time and get through it the best we can. We stay busy with activities (our kids are young) and send lots of care packages. After a year, I still look forward to the phone calls. Those are the best and I would recommend using them to your advantage. Make sure he knows that you all aren't moving on without him (they worry about that a lot) and keep him as informed of the kids and what is going on as you can. And, make sure to always remind the kids how much daddy loves them and misses them. Other than that, there isn't much else to do but wait. Email me should you ever need anything.  

Answer 11

speaking from a desert storm vet perspective.

take pictures, write uh hum adult letters to him.

send a tape recorder that  he can use in iraq(little tape recorder) then send him tapes of your voice and messages and so he can listen to his children also.

when i was deployed nothing helped like keeping that connection alive

even in those conditions. it maybe a little time consuming for you,

but it will mean everything to him. get you a tape recorder to so if he needs to he can record over yours, or send him extra tapes to record on.

i am married now, but i wasnt when i went in back in 90.

it takes two to make it work, even in distance you can still keep that connection alive.

i wont get personal, and im not gonna say get naked take pic and send to him. cause playboy is banned in arab countries. thats a big

deal over there as it is. no nude pics.

get dressed up and take different poses for pics and send to him.

contrary to belief, even as hard as nails or macho as they must be.

every man in uniform likes that reassurance from the one that holds there heart.

if you need to see where his mind is as a soldier please listen to streets of bagdad, country song and it tells it straight up.

gave me chill bumps.

keep him in mind as his children grow up. have em do drawings for daddy, let them write letters, let them make copies of tapes for him to listen to.

i lost my daughter 4 years ago, she was 5 from heart complications.

i lost my son in 2000 to a car wreck.

every minute that he can hear your voice and yours and his children will mean the world to him.

you take care

god bless you and your family.