How would you feel, or what would you do?

Question

I hate airing my dirty laundry on here (I'm better at helping others), but with this one I think I am in need of the advice.

My husband and I have been together 5 years. Of course in the beginning everything was great. s*x was often and good. Now, 5 years later, I'm lucky if it happens once a month. I've noticed a pattern growing where I do the instigating and often times all the work, if you catch my meaning and I get nothing in return. s*x is sub-par and over when it's over, which is usually too soon after it started.

Two weeks ago I came home and he was using our PC and I had to find a recipe online so I used his laptop. There, right on the internet browser, in an opened tab was a website on a personals site. I saw he had been 'looking' at profiles. I of course confronted him. I got a weak response that he was just looking, because it was 'interesting', but that he didn't go beyond that. I made him promise that he wouldn't visit that site anymore (and I will admit to now resorting to checking histories, I HATE doing that) and I haven't seen it, but suspect it might still be happening. I've noticed an influx in p**n sites being visited. I have always been very liberal and enjoy p**n myself, but my request with him was and will always be let us watch it together. Of course I know he masturbates, but I've noticed the p**n watching and masturbating is what is really harming our s*x life. He isn't interested in me and will turn me down (when I'm naked even!) as if I'm not even there.

I asked him last night if he was attracted to me and he said 'I wouldn't mind if you lost some weight'. Granted, I've gained some weight, but so has he and I'm not too bad looking. I still get s**y and look good and was surprised he said this. I didn't think this would shock me so much, but it really did and ever since I've had a hard time not being mad at him.

Does anyone have any advice for me on how I can get our s*x life back on track? I feel like I've tried taking over him and saying s**y things and doing s**y things but he just seems totally disinterested. I know he's not cheating, for he works at home and he is home every second of the day. I guess he could be getting cabin fever, but he's never complained and he loves the projects at home. Everything else with us is fine. We watch movies at night together, we play games together, we shop together. Just s*x is becoming lacking. I just don't know how to fix it with him, either...

Any mature advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

Is there a possibility he could have a problem ???  Sometimes when a guy isn't that interested in s*x maybe he has a problem with impotency, maybe not all the time but sometimes and he doesn't want to be caught in that position.  I think that your trip to Vegas may be a really good idea.  If that doesn't seem to work, sit down and talk to him - communicate about s*x, maybe you can get a better feeling as to what he is feeling.

Answer 2

Try reading the book "Passionate Marriage".  It might address this issue, but there is no guarantee.  I am in the same situation but on the other side, having no sexual interest in my very attractive wife.  I'll be curious to know if you find an answer so don't hesitate to contact me.

Answer 3

Maybe you could take s*x out of the house.  Since everything revolves around the house you need to get out of the ordinary space and into somewhere new.  You could rent a hotel room or drive out to a quite, secluded spot and park.  Try messing around at the movie theater or play "patty fingers"  or "footsie" under the table at a nice restaurant.  Take it out into the public but secretively.  Granted, don't grope each other in the middle of the mall, but just be...like teenagers again.

Answer 4

Every relationship has it's ups and downs.

Each relationship will have peaks and lows in different areas at different times.

He is going through some weird phase and it is effecting your s*x life.

The rule of thumb is that if something is forced, it will eventually break.

Do not try to force anything, and stop initiating.

Handle your business for a while. Make yourself happy, and he will come around.

ie. BOB = battery operated boyfriend

Take a nice sum of money and buy a fancy one

that will give you something to look forward to during this phase.

Keep dressing s**y, but do it for yourself.

If he happens to notice...great!

At least others might compliment you.

That is a self-esteem booster if nothing else.

Best wishes