How would you feel about your husband partying all night?

Question

every time my husband goes to his hometown or his friends come to see us (every 2 months or so) he parties with his friends all night long several days in a row..he is in his mid-thirties and we´ve been married for 5 years,no kids....he does always come home eventually and doesn´t become drunk or anything like that..I don´t think he´s cheating either,he dances with women but only with friends.... I just think it´s inappriopate for a married man to party all night with his (single) friends..I have NEVER forbidden him to do anything but I tell him it makes me sad and I don´t like that he goes out till so late, but he does it anyway...am I being unreasonable?? please, let me know

Answer 1

Why don't you ask to go along some time.  Maybe you'll have a good time too and find out what all the fuss is about.  

My husband took a couple of weekends to visit a friend who lived out of town and I heard all about their partying all weekend.  I got a little snarky with him until I asked whether I could go along the next time.  He not only invited me along, but his buddies were happy to have me around and in spite of the fact that I am not a partier either, I still had a blast and love going along on occasion.  

Answer 2

Next time  he goes call me and I'll take you out to dinner and maybe a cozy pub .

Answer 3

So on the other side of the coin what would you rather he do? Stay at home, and not hang out with his friends and have a good time.?

Are you more upset because he is able to go and have this good time without you? Does this have anything more to do with the fact that he is out having fun, where you are not involved.

Other than the fact that he is having 'fun' what do you find that is the problem?

Answer 4

i'd recommend keeping him home by having your own party and doing whatever it is that they do in the party he wants to be in and with.  You may as well understand that men want different types and amounts of s*x.  That's what they think about most.  There doesn't have to be love in order to have s*x.  Women are generally just the opposite.  Which one is right, you ask.  Which one is wrong you ask.  Who cares.  The fact is if you don't keep your man happy in bed, somebody else will.  Experiment in comfort and don't hastle him about something  you may think is bizzare.  If you think it is and tell him that,  he'll find somebody else that doesn't think that way.  If he didn't want to do it that way, he'd have never let it be know.  Get the hint and let it happpen.  Being that is going to happen, enjoy it, compliment him for his suggestions and imagination.  You can say, well the man is wrong and crazy and all those things as long as you want to, but it won't change the nature of man.  Try it or fry it.  Cooperate or see the judge.  Believe and do or disbelieve and not do, but  you will regret not having the most exciting s*x life your husband can imagine, and there will be no reason for him to go looking for excitement when it's already in his bed.  Good luck.

Answer 5

Is disco stu your old man?

Answer 6

GO WITH HIM....problem solved...and if you don't wanna go...stop the whinning....this is life...give and take

Answer 7

It wouldn't work for me unless I was also invited.  Not many would allow their husbands such freedoms either.  

Answer 8

It would be one thing if he didn't want me to go with, or if I COULDN'T go with him (like right now I'm pregnant and it would p**s me off if he left me at home twice a month to go party it up), but it's your decision to stay home, and he's not coming home belligerently drunk or anything. I wouldn't be bothered by it.

Answer 9

i would want to know why the h**l i wasn't invited.

Answer 10

I encourage my husband to go out with friends every now and then. h**l I don't even care if he's going to a titty bar just as long as he doesn't cheat and he comes home to me.

Men need to do men things every now and then. I'm sure he would have no objections of you going with them, but sometimes you just have to have time with your friends.

Now the several days in a row would bother me a little, maybe you could plan a trip out of town when he goes on his outings. Maybe if you are having fun too maybe it won't bother you so much.

Answer 11

it's every couple months, men like feeling they are single again, my hubby does this once in awhile.  he'll go out after work and come stumbling in around 3ish, he has been known to come in around 5 or call me between these hours to come and pick him up.  i don't have a problem, cuz at least he comes home and even wasted he remembers our ph# to come get him.  if he doesn't stop you, then why don't you turn the tables on him once or twice, that might just be enough to stop him.

Answer 12

I think it's great that you're able to let go of him so easily when that's not what you like to do yourself.  Because most women would have a hissy fit if their husband went out.  I think there is a way to deal with it with him.  Is there any way that you chould go out with him now and again or what if his buddies were to come over to your house instead?  

Is there something you'd like to do that would upset him so you've never asked for it?  Maybe you'd like to get away with friends for a weekend sometime but never thought to ask for it because you thought it might be inappropriate.  Ask for that something and see if he'll be cool with you going.  Then if he says that he doesn't like it, calmly tell him that's how you feel about him staying out so late with his friends.

There is a compromise here, you guys just have to find it together.  Would you feel better if he got home earlier?  What hour would you think would be a better one for him to come home?  

Answer 13

that is part of him.. something you chose to accept with "I do"... there have been times my wife stayed out all night.. if you guys are open about it and don't try to hide anything, no foul.. I think you need to talk openly to him and let him know how you feel..  

Answer 14

This sounds so like my husband & me in our early years - he was  the life of the party & loved every minute & I was the quiet one who preferred dinner with a few close friends. Maybe you should try to compromise: you should bite the bullet & go with him for a while & he should be willing to call it an earlier night & go home with you a little sooner than he might have. Your only other option is to find something to do at home while he's out - he will eventually grow up as his single friends begin to marry & everyone starts families. Can you wait that long? It could take a while. In the meantinme, talk to him about how you feel, let him know just how difficult this is for you. Compromise is a great way for a marriage to grow!

Answer 15

Guys need to hang out with guys every once in a while. if he goes out once every two months than let have it. He probably needs it. it actually helps to relieve the stress from the same old everyday task.

If you dont want to go with him than let him go. Thats what me and my wife do. If i want to go have a drink with a buddy and play pool she doesnt mind and same with her she can go and hang out with her friends, go dancing as long as you boh trust each other  

Answer 16

I don't think Your being unreasonable. I recently took it upon myself to go out with my guy and his guy pals. The night started off at a bar but soon as late night came... surprise, surprise, It was strip club time! I watched my married guy friends fork over $20..$40..$80 to women who came up to them and rubbed their backs. The guys would put there hands on the girls naked torsos...yadda, yadda, yadda. Lap dances were abound. This could be what's going on.

Or it could be like my other guy friends who just drink beers and talk sports till three AM. Check it out.  

Answer 17

I agree with the others, either you need to go and suck it up every two months, or give him a break.

You knew what you married.  Stop trying to change him or find someone that is boring like you.

Answer 18

I would not be comfortable with that type of behavior at all...

He is married - he should act like it.

Answer 19

Sounds to me like he probably is cheating. If he is hanging out with a whole bunch single guys, what do you think he'll do. He also has no respect for you, if you already brought it up to him that you don't like it, he still continues to do it, without thinking about you twice.

Next time go with him and see whats up. Or you stay up late for a couple of nights just to see how he reacts of course do everything he does usually, not calling etc. He knows you and your routine and knows that you won't do anything. You don't sound like you are a person who'll stand up for herself and let people walk all over you and your feelings.

Answer 20

if it's only every 2 months or so (that's about 6 times a year), then I wouldn't worry about it.  If it was every week then I think you would have something to complain about.

if it really bothers you then sit down and talk with him about it and see if you can compromise.  Have him only party for one or two days instead of several days at a time.  Also why don't you go with him on one of those party nights.  you don't have to party all night.  Be sociable, get to know his friends, visit for a while and go home when you're tired.  He can stay and party.

FWIW:  DO NOT have any children until you can come to a compromise on this.  If you think it annoys you now, you'll be ready to divorce him over this once the kids start coming.

Answer 21

So he doesn't get drunk, doesn't act foolish, doesn't fool around with other women...but he likes to have a good time wtih his buddies??  That's totally fine in my book.  Just because he got married to you doesn't automatically make it "inappropriate" for him to "party all night" as you say.  What' different about a married man?  They are no longer allowed to have fun with friends simply because they're committed to one woman?  

It sounds like you care too much what's "appropriate" or "inappropriate" in this situation and need to lighten up a bit.  He's not going crazy, he's just having a good time with his buddies and he always comes home to you, as you say.  Let the man have some fun, and while you're at it, do the same for yourself!  Trust me, if and when you have kids you'll WISH you were able to do things like that.

EDIT:  To all these women who are talking about "controlling" your husband "not allowing" him to do this I say--this is why relationships don't work out in America.  This is why you have a 50% chance of getting a divorce.  This is why there are broken homes all over the place.  You do not own your husband, and vice versa.  You are individuals, with individual needs, and life does NOT END when you walk down the isle.  Sometimes I get so frustrated on this site....

Answer 22

If it bugs you now, it will make you very angry when you are home with a new baby.  If he won't stop, think twice before you have kids.  If you really want a family reconsider this relationship.

Answer 23

if you're not with him... it's bad news.

YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE.

several days in a row is strange.... even coming from a party girl!

has he invited you?

Answer 24

going partying without me?!-- thats what i would say-- you should go with him a few times and he will probably get mad and not go... or go out without him a few times during the week when he is NOT partying and see how he likes it..

Answer 25

I understand your problem. Have you talked to him about it?  You should bring it up to him and tell him how you feel.

Answer 26

Go with him! You're not being unreasonable. You have every right to have some concern. See if you can go with him next time. There may be a good chance he is up to no good. And it will bother you more when you have children.

Answer 27

I take it you are invited but choose not to go, bit boring isn't it?

My husband and I sometimes go out with our old friends and I have no problem with this. I take it you also go out together as a couple.

It does sound like he is enjoying his single friends, It could just be a way of holding on to his youth. Most women have a bit more sense than to go out clubbing at 30 something, men, I'm afraid, seem less aware of what that looks like!

I would also have a problem with is him dancing with female friends. I think it is ok for men to have female friends but he's a married man and his female friends need to respect this. Tell him you don't like him dancing with girl friends, ask him how he would feel if you did it with single or even married male friends.

Plan a night in, go all out and let him know that sometimes it's better to stay at home.

His view and your point of view may not add up! You have grounds to complain, but also put yourself in his shoes and make sure he really knows how you feel.

He sounds like a nice guy so goodluck, I hope you work it out.

Answer 28

I think you should let him be who he is.  Obviously he's not blatanly putting unreasonable terms into your relationship with him.  And he doesn't do it on a weekly basis.  But guys do need their "guy time".  Too much women makes us wussies or drives us nuts.  I think if you keep pushing the issue, you'll come off as smothering instead of concerned.  As well, if you trust him, why does it bother you so much that he does his own thing with his own friends?  I think maybe you're being a tad selfish in your reasoning, but then again, maybe you missed telling us part of the story here too.  That's my opinion of the matter.