How would you feel if you found out that your father (who lost you to foster care and then to adoption)?

Question

later married and adopted his step-daughter, who is the same age as you?

Answer 1

It's tough but have been through a similar situation with a father who abandoned me.  From experience I can say it affected me as a child but growing up realised that he was not in a fit state to raise me or my siblings so it was probably for the best that he wasn't around.  In your case I would probably feel quite low but you need to realise that what happened was not your fault and he probably wasn't in any state to look after you at the time.  I believe that time will heal the pain although it may never go away completely.  I wish you well.

Answer 2

Oops I totally read that wrong sorry. Disregard the first answer I posted- I thought you meant he married the stepdaughter and was some kind of creepy pedophile or something!

I think I would be sad, and very upset/angry for a while. I guess some people have problems that they get over after a time, and when they do its too late to make up for some of the things they did wrong like losing you.

Do you know what he is like now though? He may still have some problems actually, so it might not be all that great for the stepdaughter you never know I guess.

If you're in contact with him maybe you should ask him about what was going on in his life at the time, what happened over the years that changed and made him more capable?

Answer 3

Ouch, I would feel extremely hurt.

ETA:  Oh L@r@ if this happened to you, I'm so sorry.  I agree with what Laurie said.

(((L@r@)))

Answer 4

First you say the man lost his child to foster care. So he was clearly for whatever reason an unfit parent to provide for his child. The news that he later married and adopts his step-daughter is a testament that he moved past his prior troubled life that lost him his natural child to foster care in the first place.  That he was able to go on and be a good husband and good father to his spouses child and loved this child so much he wanted to make her legally his. I think he deserves applause.

A Nchild might feel hurt that he was not able to get his life on track in order to raise them. I'd think they would also be happy that he got his life on the right track. They might feel similar in the case where their Nparent went on to have other Nkids and was able to raise and care for them.

Answer 5

I am SO on the same page with Looney Tunes on this one.  I couldn't answer at first because I was so overwhelmed with emotion the first time I read the question.  My parents have done similar things many times.  Making sure that I know that EVERYONE is more important than me.  It's the most hurtful, uncaring, insensitive, nasty thing a parent could do to a child.  It's like saying, "you weren't worth me getting my life together for...oh, but this new child is worth it, so I've straightened up.  You go on now, live your little 'foster care' life.  Good luck with that.  I'll just be here with my new daughter, enjoying life away from you."

F*ck him.  Seriously.

Answer 6

i would pretend hes dead

Answer 7

If my father lost me to foster care, he'd be a loser, and thus I wouldn't be surprised.

Answer 8

Very upset! However, were you already adopted by someone else at that time? Is there a possibility of that he couldn't do it, rather then wouldn't do it. If not, then I think you should tell him, or write him a letter, about how it makes you feel, and what you wish should have happened. Even if he doesn't agree, at least you'll get it off your chest. Sorry to hear such a sad story! :(  

Answer 9

i'd be furious.

Answer 10

i would never be able to look at him the same way

that's messed up. but id move on and forget about him

Answer 11

I would just write him off as the loser that he is, my dad did the same thing and then later tried to weasel his way back into my life after he heard I was successful. He died by himself, none of his kids gave a d**n about him, he made his bed so he slept in it.

Answer 12

sorry but i dont quite understand the question..

Answer 13

i would feel like i had been betrayed and intellectually abused. but you should tell ur dad how u feel- dat sometimes helps

Answer 14

I'd be thankful that I didn't grow up with him. He did you a favor by letting someone else raise you.

Answer 15

I would feel deeply hurt and angry.  I would be disgusted.  I am so sorry!  In the words of my 3-year-old, "What a t**d-head"!

Hugs to you, okay?

Answer 16

Terrible, as any person would. But maybe your father isn't all that bad. Maybe he didn't purposly loose you, and he probably adopted this girl because he didn't know where you were, or if he was ever going to find you. Just talk to him. Let it all out and ask away. Never be ashamed of your questions and comments. Good luck with everything in the future.

~<3

Answer 17

Maybe at the time,a lot was going on and he felt like he could not take care of you.  People, circumstances and events that occur affect all of our lives.  I'm not trying to say you shouldn't feel bad, because I know it has to hurt you.  But hopefully one day soon you and your Dad can be reunited and talk, and you can get some closure.  Good Luck!  xox  

To the guy below me, if the parent signs over the parental rights, in this case it would of been the girl's Father. you can adopt.  I am adopting my husbands 4 sons, it will be final in a couple weeks.  It was a very thorough process, I had to have criminal checks, they had to make sure I had no prior offenses against children and they had to confirm that I was not a registered s*x offender.  We also had to do a lot of paperwork through the courts and we had to get an adoption agency to do our Home Study, even though they are my Husbands children.  It has been a very costly endeavor.  In the county I went through, you do not have to hire an attorney but in most States you do.  xox

Answer 18

I'm sorry if this has happened to you.  Sometimes when people like your father suffer a loss, they try to ease the pain in all sorts of ways.  

(((L@r@)))

Answer 19

I would feel angry and hurt.  I would pretend he never existed.

Answer 20

Was it possible for the father to get custody of his ndaughter at the time he remarried.  Probably not with the current adoption laws.

Sounds like he's in a no win situation.  I would personally look at the circumstance and then cast my judgment.

I would be more upset over that he wasn't able to care for me, at the time when it was needed but then again I'm not an adoptee so my feelings could or would be different.

I think it would be harder on an adoptee vs. someone that was raised by their nmom.

Answer 21

Abandoned. I would try to get in contact with him and talk to him about it. The only way to solve a problem is through communication. Tell him how you feel, and listen to his thoughts about the situation, and not just hear what he has to say but really listen, analyze, and interpret. There are two sides to every story, and the only way to resolve your feelings is to understand the situation as fully as possible.

You may just make a breakthrough and be able to begin a new relationship with your estranged father. If that's not the case, and you see something that you didn't want to see, then focus on the positive and remember that you still have your own strength and resilience to fall back on, along with all the other people around you who love and care about you.

Answer 22

Its his loss I'd try to talk to him and ask him why he would do that to you If he doesn't want to talk then see if you can get a counselor to help ease your pain. GoodLuck!!!

Answer 23

Well, if it were me, I would feel really hurt and then REALLY pissed off.  And then I would have therapy in the hopes that I could find it in my heart to forgive the son-of-a-*****, so I could call his *** up and see if he feels any remorse for what he did.

Then, if he felt remorse, I would take him for every ******* penny he has.  And then after I have taken him for every penny, I would apologize and say ~ "That does not even make it near even, yet...Dad."

And if he felt no remorse, and did not want to hear from me, I would still call him up and tell him what a ******* *** he is and that he should only hope for forgiveness at the end of the world, because I have NONE for him.

(Does this sound a bit angry?   That's what therapy is for)

Email me if you need to chat....

Answer 24

sad and so replace-able.

that sucks.