How would you go about this situation? My husband has two girls ages 12 & 13. I'll have to make a really long

Question

story short. When they were young their mother moved and left no means of contact.My husband even went to the courts to tell them he wanted to pay child support but can not find his kids and they said well when you find them, then come back. He had no money for a lawyer.when the girls were 9 & 10 she found us because she wanted this guy to adopt them.He was the only father they knew over the years.My husband now regrets his decision but he talked with the girls & this is what they wanted & this was the only father they knew & they lived really far from us so he let the guy adopt them.he knows NOW it was not the best decision.Well it was agreed that we could keep in touch and we did for the first 1 1/2 years & my husband met them once & they all had a great timeWell after that their "dad" monitored every call and would yell at them if they said something "wrong" so the girls didn't talk as much. my hub. stopped calling so they wouldn't get in trouble.do you think they'll understand?

Answer 1

No lawyer is going to help you> Your husband gave them up and that's forever or until they get 18 years old. But look they will come around when they get older most do. Your hunsband felt this was right to do and he must stay with it. If the mother and now father doesn't want him to see his daughters then they can stop him by law. Have your husband write them and start a fund for collage for them. Also what might help you is talk to this man and tell him you just want to talk and see them every now and then and he might feel for you and let them. As far as stop calling don't do that the girls are going to think that they have done something wrong, explain to the girls they are old enough to understand.

Answer 2

Your story sounds so much like my sister's.  My father's ex-wife moved out of state with their daughter and would not allow him any contact or phone calls.  After my father remarried, and my parents had me, my sister wanted involvement because she wanted to know her baby sister!  It was still only a once a year visit (if that) but as I got older, we exchanged cards & letters.  Ironically, as we both became adults, she moved back to the same state that I live in.  We still see each other very rarely (she has yet to meet my 5 yr old son), but we have corresponded with cards and letters.  She does now see my father on occasion also.  

I would recommend that maybe your husband keep a journal for his daughters.  Things he would like them to know or advice he would like to give them.  This does two things....1) if something should ever happen to him unexpectedly, his girls will know the truth, and 2) when he is reunited with his daughters, he will have a dated journal showing them that he DID think of them and DID love them.  He won't have to speak bad of the adoptive father because they'll be able to see your husband's love for them in the journal.

Just a thought.  Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I think its great that he wants to be in touch with his daughters. When they are grown up they will appreciate that he loves and cares about them, and they will probably come looking for him to pick up the relationship.

I think he should keep calling them regularly. Maybe once a week or once a month, whatever fits in well with all your lives. If he is concerned about the calls being monitored then just keep it polite and light. Don't ever ask about their family life with their stepfather. There is plenty to talk about - their school, their interests outside school, their friends etc. The girls will appreciate the contact but they will be hurt if he just stops calling out of the blue, and they may feel that he doesn't love them or want them any more, even though that isn't true.

Maybe you should leave the contact for now, until you have established with your husbands ex and her husband that you are not a threat to them. They may feel that you are trying to "take their girls away" if they are insecure about it. Work on establishing a good long-distance relationship with the whole family before you take it a step further with contact.

Answer 4

It wasn't your husbands fault what had happened, the EX has a lot of explaining to do to them when they get older, One thing hubby can do, is every Birthday, and Christmas get a gift for each, wrap it, and put it away. With cards to go with them. The day will come when they will meet, and what a surprise to find Dad didn't forget them, he was just forced out of the picture.

Answer 5

Get a lawyer. This is a bad situation. If he was monitoring their calls, that is a HUGE red flag to me. I would worry about abuse. Get a lawyer. If you can not afford one, see if your community has any type of legal aid.

Answer 6

wow  thats pretty messed up ! but anyway i think they will understand! especially because they know that its for there own good ! well good luck! ☺