How would you handle a 9 and 7 year old not caring if they are punished or not?

Question

I am at my wits end, and I need some ideas. My 9 year old step-son and 7 year old step-daughter have had severe issues lately. They grab each other's private parts, then lie about it. They were recently with a group of kids at their mother's house and were involved in some illegal activity (breaking and entering, burglary and assault.) They did not commit the crimes, but were with the group who did. The problem is, they don't seem to care. It doesn't matter that all of their privileges are taken away at both houses. It scares me, because if they don't care at this age, what will they be like as teens and young adults? We have worked very hard in teaching our children values and right and wrong. The other two children are fine. They never cause any issues at all. But these two are going to be the death of me. Do you have any advice as to what I can do as a parent to get their behavior under control and make them care?

Yes, we do exact punishments and are very strict with our children, as we feel that our job is to teach them to be good, productive adults.

Thanks!

Answer 1

I would punish them severely enough so they would care. I would start with a goo old fashioned spanking.....

Answer 2

wow. this is pretty bad hon.

i only have a 21 month old daughter but i grew up around disobedient  cousins so i know what your going thru. it started with my cousin at the age of 7 he was Huffing GAS!!! no whoopens fazed him . you could take everything out of his room but his mattress and he would hit his head on the wall or climb out of his window and leave and as he got older it got worse. but then he was put in Jail and actually got evaluated by a psychiatrist and come to find out he was ADD. im not saying that this is the problem BUTT it could be a possiblily. most ADD Children have a hard time understanding consequences and since they dont understand them they could care less.

im sorry i couldnt help you that much but maybe it will. you never know.

i wish u the best of luck hon.

Answer 3

Ouch!

Call Dr. Phil!

Seperate them.

Get them into something that will spark a caring attitude, like dog walking at the local shelter, horse grooming at the local Horse rescue or farms (if any around you), soup kitchen volunteer work, food bank food drive.

take them to jails or hospitals or homeless shelters to show them what happens in real life.

Tuff Love.

Or RUN AWAY!!! lol

GL

PS

please no spanks they will just get angrier and worse and the kids are into "things" WAY earlier than previous Gens.

Answer 4

First I would consider some family counseling. These children are really young to be having such problems. If they are having problems with children or an adult, some counceling might uncover it and help address how to deal with it. I dont believe as a parent we instantly know how to handle situations, we just do our best. If you are really conserned about them, you should seek some help. Remember you dont want to have their bad behavior rub off on the other children. It is also hard to deal with problems with your stepchildren because they are only with you part of the time and you can only controll your household not their mother's. I also have two stepchildren, and after a good mother to mother conversation with my husband's ex wife, we have been able to handle problems together. Our children realized they were facing a united front and not two seprate houses, and their behavior improved. You sound like a great mother and I am sure you will work it out. Just remember you have to find the problem before you can fix it. If they are rebelling for attention, taking things away or spanking them wont help, but a punishment and reward system and more family time might...just my opinions though.

Answer 5

If they don't care about being punished then you need to find something that they really care about and take it away.  I hate doing this -- I feel like I spend my days thinking about different ways to punish my kids just so they'll listen.  But all kids are different. Let them know how many privileges they have, and see if you can get them to list some.  Some of the obvious ones: TV, computer, Nintendo DS, going outside, going to friends' houses, etc.  Once you make a list, now you have things that you can take away that they WILL care about.

They also need some different kids to hang out with.  The ones near their mom's house are not a good influence.  How does their mom handle them?  (This could be part of the problem...)  Your husband may have to talk with his ex-wife to come up with a coordinated plan that is in force whether they are at your house or their mom's house.

EDIT: I like the person's answer about that mentions them volunteering.  It's a great way to learn to appreciate what you have and not take anything for granted.  It sounds like they have a lot of free time on their hands and they need something to do.  You could also get them involved in after-school classes or sports activities.

EDIT #2: TB -- very interesting!  (Thumbs up was from me)

Answer 6

That's so young to be doing what they are!

You have to keep trying until you find something that does work.  There has to be something that they care about. Find it and take it away.

Answer 7

keep them in there rooms with no tv or games for a few days.  only let them out to eat, go to the bathroom, or school.  

Answer 8

If the don't care about being punished it means you aren't doing it right... Leave the tough love to your husband or you could find yourself being charged with abuse by these 2 little loons

Answer 9

Maybe you could ground them tell them how bad they are really being. Take away there most precious posestions, but remember to try and be friends with gain there trust.

Answer 10

take them to see a physicologist and ask him what she can suggest to help your children.  

Answer 11

I would spank them...but since you are the "step" I'd have your hub do it.  There is truth to the "spare the rod, spoil the child."  Not beat them, just show them that it's not okay.  Also, maybe you need to switch their schools so they don't keep hanging out with the wrong crowd.

Answer 12

You could try putting them on a level system. Start out very basic give them 5 to 8 basic expectations. They have no privileges on level 1. If they meet all expectations for 7 days they move on to level 2. If say on day 5 of level 1 they do not meet all expectations they start over at day 1 level 1. On level 2 add further expectations and minimal privileges such as 30 min. radio time. They remain on level 2 for 7 days. Again if they don't meet their expectations then they start over day1 level 2. You can break the expectations, privileges, and levels down however you choose. Make sure everything is written and posted and clear. This gives them something to work for. I worked in a residential treatment facility and this is how we ran our program. It was very effective. Good luck.