How would you handle a situation like that?

Question

This is a very stupid thing that I've done and I feel very bad about it.

I was with a guy for about a year and we really loved each other and had future plans of getting married...etc. I was even planning on giving him my virginity. I then needed to move to another state for a few reasons and was going to stay there for about 4 years. He became cold and told me that he's not going to wait and he's going to date other women but if he's still single after the four years then he'd be with me.

I was so angry that he didn't offer to have a long distance relationship. So I went and dated other guys and I had s*x with one of them who I dated for 2 months. Now the first guy I mentioned is sorry and want to be back with me, I forgave him and I still love him and I'm willing to go back with him.

I just don't seem to have the courage to tell him that I'm not a virgin anymore. He used to always tell me that he likes the fact that I'm 23 and still a virgin and didn't just give it to any guy. Oh Gosh, how do I handle this? I just can't tell him, I can't :(

Answer 1

I think you r stressing too much on virginity.Its just a state of mind.if thats wat hes after or your offering to him is....where is all the love you have to offer for a lifetime???Just dont tell him anythin.Just be the way you are and if he makes an issue off it later..then he is really not worth it i guess.

alla the very best

Answer 2

Wow you dated a man for a year and never gave it up,

then he leaves and you give it up for someone you dated for two months?

But really you two were on a break your a big girl you can do what ever you want your not married

Answer 3

The kind of man who would only love you for being a virgin is the same kind of man who would take it and run.

If it matters to him that much, he's a poor choice.  

Answer 4

well, i'm not a guy, so i wouldn't know if a man can tell if a girl is a virgin or not, i don't know if u can fake it, but if it bothers you so much, you should tell him , and tell him why you did it, he might be upset a while, but u did say he loves you, so he will come around, (After all, he doesn't just love u for your virginity right!!)

Answer 5

What he doesn't know isn't gonna hurt him.

Answer 6

Never try to base a relationship on a lie. Tell him the truth.

Answer 7

It sounds like you two love each other, but are not ready for any kind of commitment.  You both already have trust issues.  If you are afraid telling him something about yourself that is true..we all are not perfect..and he will judge you and not want to be with you, then you already know the answer to this.  He has already let you off the hook by dating other women.  Do you think he is still a virgin?  Why is it unfair for you to do something you regret but he has no consequences? You really need to take a step back and look at this relationship.  A good and also great relationship is built on trust.  Believe me, if you don't totally trust each other, you both will get deeply hurt.  Please don't make all or nothing commitments when you are so young.  You may miss that great relationship out there if you are tied down.

Answer 8

Your feelings are understandable, however it was him who wanted to date other people while you were away and so you dated other people and at 23 you were bound to have sexual feelings and give in eventually.  You really have nothing to be sorry for and did nothing wrong.  

Stop beating yourself up and if you feel the need to tell him then go ahead.  If he does not love you because of it then he did not love you totally in the first place because love is alot more then what you are describing.

Answer 9

true love conquers all!

sugar up to him then let him know the truth: that's what every relationship needs in order to function!

what's the point if you're feeling guilty 24/7 when you're with him?

Good Luck hun!

Answer 10

He shouldn't like you simply because you were 23 and still a virgin. You should ask him why he likes you, aside from the virginity. A virgin doesn't necessarily mean she's pure at heart. Likewise, a non-virgin doesn't necessarily mean she's got no virtues.  

Answer 11

And you two were in relationship and one or the other decides to on, But then latter he wants to back with you? Does this at all relastic to you? If it seems alright with you no wonder you always in a termoil.. best of luck

Answer 12

Look at this way, you are still a virgin in his eyes and you are still a virgin in a sense as you have not given yourself to your true love.

Answer 13

What bothers me most about this situation is the fact that you feel so intensely guilty about not saving yourself for 4 whole years. Did you expect this guy to wait around for you? No normal guy would if they said up front that they were going to date other people.

So you're not a virgin anymore... So what? If that's the main reason he found you attractive, for your pure virginal body, then maybe you should rethink getting back with him anyway.

Of course you don't have to tell him anyway. It's really none of his business who you've had s*x with, as long as you've gotten yourself tested and know you're clean. So I guess if you feel that uncomfortable about talking about your past s*x life then you really don't have to! Some couples talk about their past s*x partners, but others chose to keep that information private for a long while.

So don't stress about it so much.  

Answer 14

He does not have to know that you are not a virgin.  Just act as if he is hurting you on the first time.

On the other hand, if you love him, you might want to start the relationship off with honesty. It is not like you turned into a #h**e!!

The choice is yours, and only you know how he will react.

Answer 15

i dont think it is fair that you would expect him to want a long distance relationship for that long. it seems like you made the decision to leave before knowing what his thoughts were. you love him and planned to spend the rest of your life with him,but the minute he made you mad you went and lost your virginity to another guy that you barely knew. wow,good luck with that one.