How would you handle this, we are a bit embarassed?

Question

10 yr old daughters friend was going to see a musical. Friend asked if daughter could come with her but she would need 40$. Money is really tight right now so we told her "No, we couldn't afford to give her the 40$ for the play" so she couldn't go. The we got a call maybe 5 mins later from the parents saying that our daughter said she had 14 dollars of her own money and that if we brought that for her they would pay the rest. How would you handle this? The reson she couldn't go was cause we didn't have the money but we don't want other people having to pay for stuff like this. We are a little embarrassed about this now.

Answer 1

say yes and tell friend's mom that you'll pay them back later. just make sure you don't take advantage of them... don't make it a habit.

Answer 2

I would stick to my guns.  Be polite, thank them very much for the offer, but explain that it would make you feel uncomfortable to accept their offer.  Your daughter will probably hate you for a bit, but these things soon pass, and perhaps she will appreciate that money doesn't grow on trees after all, and she can't always get what she wants.

Answer 3

Don't be embarrassed.  In the first place, it was awful rude for these people to invite your daughter along for an activity and not pay for it...you should never expect a guest to pay their own way.  If they couldn't pay for it, they should have spoken to you about it themselves, instead of letting the kids play the middle man, thus putting you on the spot.

In the meantime, I wouldn't let her go at this point regardless.  She went behind your back after you said no.  She was disrespectful and shouldn't be airing your family business this way.  Tell these people that while you appreciate their offer, you don't feel comfortable with it, and you think that you need to take this opportunity to teach your daughter to respect that when you say no you mean no.

Answer 4

I can see how you were embarrassed.  Let her go because they allready know you don't have the money and they offered to let her, but next time just say no 'cause you have other plans or something.  Since they are doing this, maybe you can offer to watch her one day on the weekend that way they can play together.

Answer 5

That can get awkard.  At first I would say no big deal.  However, things like that tend to snow ball when the friend doesnt have enough money to come along with you "well, we helped pay susy to go to the play, why cant you help donna go to xxxx"

Dont be embarressed.  Just say that unfortunatly you have already said no and thats the bottom line.  Especially if that money your daughter has is going to be needed for something else.

Answer 6

That is tough -- for you and your daughter. A play is a wonderful experience and giving her the opportunity to broaden her horizons is something every parents wants for their child. That said - she also needs to know the lessons of life. Sometimes there is no money to spend on certain things. It's a talk you need to have with her at some point.

It is a difficult pill to swallow, but in the end, if you teach your daughter about money, priorities and that love does not come in the form of green paper, she will be a better person for it down the road.

To answer your question: Tell her she can not go, but also explain why. It may be hard for you to explain and for her to understand, but it will be a piece of invaluable information when she is an adult.

Answer 7

Well they probably just want their daughter to have a friend to go with, but no is no and it should have stopped there. I would just tell them that you appreciate it, but you are uncomfortable letting them pay the rest and that she will just have to skip this time, but maybe later. They should just leave it at that and it will teach your daughter that sometimes she is just not going to be able to go.  

Answer 8

I would still tell her no.  I was raised that if you don't have the money, you don't go.  Chances are that if you let her go, she will start asking her friends to ask their parents to pay her way for more things and you don't want her to be raised like that.  No is no.  If she starts begging, don't listen, still say no is no.  

Hope this helps.

Answer 9

as a one off let her go they may genuinely want to treat her, but explain it cannot keep happening and that you daughter will have to save up for more treats in the future

Answer 10

Just be gracious and thank them!

Answer 11

That is really sweet of them!  I would let her go with them, regardless of how embarrassed I was.  And then I'd thank them billions of times and pay them back as soon as I got the money.

Answer 12

I would ground her for going around my back and telling the whole world our money issues.

Answer 13

Well, no matter how embarassed you are just let her go. Because they offered to let her go. So why not. and then just tell them if you can that you will pay them back whenever you get the money. or dont say that at all and just give it back when you do have it so then the embarassment will go away. even if its months later just give money back if you dont want to be embarassed. but i think you should just let her go. its not a big deal. lots of people have tight spots with money. :]

good luck.

Answer 14

Don't be embarrassed. I learned a long time ago to take help if I needed it. My husband and I were so bad off when we first got married that my parents had to constantly send us money for groceries just so we had food. I always hated asking them for money but they never once purposefully made me feel badly for it.

You can always pay them back when you get the money. And really, they're only paying for about half of her ticket. Obviously they think highly of your daugher and want her to be able to go, or they wouldn't offer. If you cannot afford to pay them back offer to have their daughter over for a sleepover this weekend or something along those lines.

Answer 15

That's a tricky one. I can understand the embarrassment however, you really shouldn't be. Maybe make a deal with the other child's parent that your daughter can go and you can pay her back for the money they are giving. Then, you wouldn't feel so terribly bad. And, I am sure that they want their child ot be happy and that means bringing your daughter with them. I wouldn't make your child stay home and miss out due to embarrassment though. Ultimately, It's your call but, I would allow her to go I believe. Good Luck to you.

Answer 16

I'd let her go.  Sure it would embarrass me too, but in the big picture, I would want to spare my daughter the embarrassment of me saying no because of money, or the disappointment of not going.

Don't feel too bad, we've mostly all been there a time or two!

Answer 17

I wouldn't let her go because now your daughter might think that it's okay for her to go behind your back and ask people for money. She should have first came to you to ask if it was okay or if there was anything that could have been worked out within your family. I would explain it her that it was embarassing and that when you say no that it means no. Make her call them and tell them that she can't go she doesn't have to explain why.