How would you handle this 8 yr old boy?

Question

This morning I woke up to the bathroom floor being all wet. So I told his dad to check it out cause either the toilet was leaking or someone peed on the floor. So dad asked son if he did and he said yes. Dad asked son if he had seen he peed all over the floor and he said yes. He just didn't feel like cleaning it up. I just can't beleive he did that, I really think that's pretty unacceptable for an 8 yr old! He just spent the weekend at his moms and usually acts out when he comes back from seeing on her. Do you think that's it? Is this just something boys do? How should his dad handle it? I am his stepmom.

Answer 1

In response to his trying to get them back together I have this quote. "The grass is greener on the other side...until you have to pay the water bill." My guess is that his mom is wishing they were back together and putting this in his head. Because of the time frame, I'd say he's used to you and does love you. Unfortunately his  mom is confusing him. We're going through something similar and when ours gets back she is confused and acts out also. I would maybe see about getting him into counseling to see what the mother is putting in his head.  

Answer 2

It seems evident that his mom may be instilling some of this behavior in him. Either by what she says to him, or what have you. Talk with your husband and have him talk to his ex, and see whats going on. She probably won't admit to anything though. Bring it up to court if it gets too bad.

Answer 3

My son practically sleep pees, so for his aim to be a bit off is normal....he'll usually at least attempt to clean it up though.  He also has a parent he sees every other weekend and one day a week.  Don't put this on his mother...it's a matter of household respect.  He might be testing boundaries and limits as my 8 year old is doing...but I never chalk misbehavings up to time just spent with dad.  My son also frequently mentions me getting back together with his dad...even though he ADORES his stepdad. Both his father and I are remarried.  I very highly doubt that this is something his mother is putting in his head.  It's normal....if you're concerned, have him speak to a counsellor...but I'm willing to bet it's a common occurance and will pass with a little guidance and lots of love.

Darling....you are very defensive.  In most situations both parents blame the other parent for behaivor problems in the children.  This is usually not the case.  Before your rant, you gave little information on the situation as to why you believed the mother was an instigator.  What was I to draw on besides my own personal experience?  Calm down and have your husband handle this through a court appointed mediator if you think she is seriously causing mental harm to the boy.  Situations like these on yahoo answers are always VERY one sided and there are always two sides to the story.  I've been dealing with a split custodial situation for more than 5 years and have learned much along the way...my son has similar issues to your stepson and it has nothing to do with ideas implanted by his father.  Children of divorce will also try to play both parents against each other from time to time. Open communication between both parents is key to prevent misunderstandings.  From your added description...she doesn't sound like the best influence....I'm just saying his described behaivoral issues sound like issues being dealt with by any blended family...crazy nutjob mom or not.

Answer 4

The poor guy is upset about his family being separated. It is hard for them to understand issues of adults. The children suffer horribly because they are forced to be apart from their parents. However, I am a stepmom myself so I understand. It is very important that we don't let the children hold this over are head. They cannot use it as an excuse not to follow rules or have respect for the parents. It is very easy for children to learn to use guilt to their advantage. If I were you I would put a thing of clorox wipes in the bathroom. I would then have dad go in with his son and explain to him that it is ok that he has an accident but when he does he must clean it up afterwards. I would have dad be the enforcer on this one. He maybe would be embarrassed if you bring it up to him.

Try to pick your battles carefully with him. He must follow household rules and have respect because you are the adult in the house. However, at the same time you are not his mom and he is giving you a hard time because he thinks you are the obstacle to why his dad and his mom are not together. I think it might be time that dad has a chat with son to clarify things with him.

Answer 5

well u cant really expect an 8 year old to understand divorce or marrage, all he knows is shes his mom and he loves her. as for the bathroom ordeal u really should make him clean it up and punish him, ground him for a day. take away his video games ect,ect..

Answer 6

Boys and even men have a hard time making that aim.....especially if he got up in the night to pee. Cut him some slack and ask his dad to have him clean it up. For children, it is hard for them to understand why mom and dad are not together, and it is confusing to go back and forth. Rules in the homes are different and he probably gets away with more with his mom because she doesn't get to "spoil" him all of the time. Boys tend to be momma's boys and I imagine that he misses her. Try and see life from his perspective and you may understand him more.

Answer 7

If his mom is open to it, maybe you guys should have a family sit down and figure out why he's acting out.  Maybe things just haven't been explained well, etc.  Other than that, I'd say some family counseling for the three of you.

Answer 8

I guess it's a question of him knowing what to expect from you and your husband when he does these things.  Do you guys reprimand every time or do you let him get away with it because you feel bad for him.  I would make him clean it up.  And keep enforcing the do wrong and get punished rule.  Right now he's acting out because of the changes from your house to his moms.  Just hang in there.  Do not talk negative about mom.  He hears it all.  Just prove mom wrong by being happy without her ***.

Answer 9

put him on a short leash and watch him very closely. if he does something bad just put him in the corner

Answer 10

Hes dealing with some inner demons and what ifs just let him be, hes trying to get to you just act like it doesn't bother you

Answer 11

I have the best book for you!  I just finished reading it and it is wonderful!  It is called "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman

I checked this book out at the Library, so please check your local library before you buy the book if you want.

Here are the top 10 ideas from his book:

Dr. Kevin Leman's "top ten countdown" to transforming your child's behavior in less than a week.

10. Be 100% consistent in your behavior.

9. Always follow through on what you say you will do.

8. Respond, don't react.

7. Count to 10 and ask yourself, "What would my old self do in this situation? What should the new me do?"

6. Never threaten your kids.

5. Never get angry. (When you do get angry, apologize quickly.)

4. Don't give any warnings. (If you warn your child, you're saying, "You're so stupid, I have to tell you twice.")

3. Ask yourself, "Whose problem is this?" (Don't own what isn't yours.)

2. Don't think the misbehavior will go away.

1. Keep a happy face on, even when you want to ... do something else.

Good luck!