How would you handle this? ?

Question

Okay so my boyfriend of two years has given up on our relationship. We have a little one together. We had 2 struggles in our relationship-his intrusive, demanding selfish mother and second we had trouble clearly communicating to one another. We were suppose to go to couples counseling...i went and he never did. This is where i need advice and FAST!

I just found out that he and his mother have decided to spend the day together with our son on his first birthday. They made the arrangements and then TOLD me what the plan was for his birthday-HIS FIRST birthday, without ASKING me about it first.

How do i get him to recognize that him and i are suppose to talk about things like this instead of him and his mother making plans and telling me what my son will be doing for the day.

His mother (from the beginning) has NEVER respected my wishes. I am not kidding when i tell you that she has convinced her son that she is more important in my son's life than i am. So, i am wondering what to do. Is there something i can say or do to teach them both to respect my wishes as the childs mother and to ASK me when making plans with my son instead of TELLING me.

Answer 1

Okay first of all no one can makes plans with a one year old. If you are the custodial parent you would have to agree to the arrangements.

If you don't have a formal custody agreement get one.

Tell your former boyfriend and his mother if they want to spend time with your son on his first birthday it will be with you and him.

Answer 2

I'm sorry you had a child with a mama's boy and such a jerk. Who have the custody of your son?  If you have the custody of your son.  Talk to your ex and mother and tell it like is.  They are suppose to talk to you when they make plans.  He is your son and you have the right to make a decision.  Just reading what you say make me so mad.  I would not put up with that.  The best advice I could give you is to see a counseling for yourself and your son.  Forget about that jerk mama's boy and her mother.  If you live in U.S you have all the right over your son, unless you are an unfit mother.  Believe I would not let them get away with this kind of situation.  This mother-in-law that you have deserve to loose the priviledge to see her grandson.  She can keep her son, but not your son.  If I were in your situation, I would talk to the counseling, a lawyer and I move as further away with my son, and the other thing I would send her to the moon with no return. Ga

Answer 3

You just tell him that you already have plans for your son's birthday , and if he wants to participate fine. If not , then you will bring his son to the party when after you have done what it is you wanted to do. And then tell him : for future  reference, when he wants to make plans concerning the boy , that he needs to converse with you first, or just be disappointed

Answer 4

Leave him

Answer 5

You write:  Okay so my boyfriend of two years has given up on our relationship.

Cannot be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want the relationship.  It takes two.  If he has given up, then you must let go and move on.  Seek counseling if necessary to help you deal with the loss of the relationship . . . but move on.

You write:  So, i am wondering what to do. Is there something i can say or do to teach them both to respect my wishes as the childs mother and to ASK me when making plans with my son instead of TELLING me.

Yes, you contact your attorney.  You get custody/visitation and child support agreement put in writing and made legal.  If this takes going to court, then go to court.  You follow the agreement to the letter.  Yes, it is possible.  You respect the agreement.  NO arguments.  Make sure that the way holidays and birthdays will be handled is included in the legal paperwork.  You can alternate holidays . . . or have child's dad pick him up at an agreed time . . . maybe 2 pm or 3 pm?  You can alternate birthdays . . . or have child's dad get him the Saturday after child's birthday.  Child can celebrate with dad's family then.  You can have Mother's Day and dad can have Father's Day.  Talk to your attorney.  Talk to your attorney.  Best advice I can give you.

You must accept that you cannot control what happens when child is with his dad.  But you can have an established schedule and stick to it.  Having a definite schedule helps.

Answer 6

wow that is complicated. i think you should just straight up tell her, that you wish to be treated like she wants to be treated, and that she should treat you with respect because these things aren't cool at all.

yeah tell her that she should be asking you to make plans with your son instead of telling you what is that, is she this boys mother or are you this boys mother? seriously she needs to get it through her head... you can tell her that if you wants to celebrate your sons birthday we can decide on a mutual occasion.. that is convieneient for everyone.

and the thing with your ex bf, he sounds like a complete jerk, he didnt even show up at teh counseling, i dont know waht to say, you can tell him to get his act straigth or just ... idk im really sorry but i dont know how to handle this situation

i hope  this helps remotely

best of luck and God Bless You!

Answer 7

I would tell him too bad, but this is your son too and your spending his 1st birthday with him so if he and his mother would like to join the 2 of you then they can feel free or plan to celebrate his birthday another day.  I would also make sure that you start filing for custody of your son because sounds liek this relationship is heading straight down the hole and you want to get these things covered asap.

Answer 8

I'm sorry.  You should give up on the relationship too because you deserve so much better.  He sounds like a mama's boy.  I guess he can't think for himself.  It also sounds like his mom has control over him.  I'm sure that she's part of your problems.  It sounds like you really wanted the relationship to work by going to Couple's Counseling.  It is harder when relationships don't work out and you have a child together.  Your child's first birthday is so special.  Tell your boyfriend that his first birthday is so important to you and that he had no right to do that behind your back.  That was so cruel of them.  You need to be with your son on his first birthday.  Tell them that.  Tell them that they can be with your son any other day to celebrate his birthday but that you are going to be with him on his birthday and to never pull something like this again.  Don't worry about his mom.  She's nothing.  Talk to your boyfriend about respecting your wishes.