How would you handle this situation?Teens and Parents?

Question

First of all, my parents are divorced and have been since I was a baby. I live with my mom and visit him occasionally.

It all started about two months ago when I went camping with my mom. My dad got mad at me for not calling him and telling him, because suposidly he wanted me that weekend. When I got home from camping my dad finally got a hold of me and started rattling on about how I disappointed him (for not calling him), I got a little hurt and I wrote a letter, I put it on myspace (just for my friends to see), it was about how he'd hurt me and about the things that he has done that disappointed me and then I wrote a second one about the good times we have had and all my good memories of him. My cousin told him about the first letter (not all of it, its not that bad) and I ended up with my dad calling me and yelling at me and saying this "Whats this s**t I hear you are talking about me behind my back, real mature Amanda, real mature". I am not a very good verbal communicater so I handed the phone to my mom and had her talk to him, by that point I was bawling. My dad never read those letters, so he is just going off on what my cousin is saying.

Since then, he has called again, and we talked about it. It went well and I thought that he was done and it was over with.

But today, he took me out to lunch and I didnt really talk to him about it, but he did talk, I just listend . It was going well up untill he brought me home, he wanted me to talk, I tried, he started implying my mom was a bad mom (she is the women that raised me, thats where I lost it, she is a wonderful women). I couldnt take it anymore and I said I am done and got out of the car and shut the door and went inside my house and locked all the doors. My dad sat there for twenty minutes calling and texting me. I didnt want anything to with him at that moment. So I texted him and asked him nicely to please leave. He asked me if that was all, I said goodbye. But he wanted me to go outside to say goodbye. I wasnt going to go outside. I felt like a hostage in my own home because I couldnt leave, he was blocking the drive way and he would have followed me. I waited for him to leave. Once he did that I made sure he was long gone, I just wanted to be with somebody so I went a chilled with a trusted adult (my mom wasnt home when all this happend), she made me feel wonderful.

I wasnt originally going to go with him, I thought it was the mature thing to do.

How would you of handled it if you were in my situation?

Answer 1

dealing with divorced parents is hard, i know, i've gone through it too.

I think you handled things right. I mean maybe you could've at least gone outside for a minute just to say bye...

i try to think, "what if this person died today & this was the last thing i said to them" when i deal with angry situations like that.

I hope i helped you, & yes it was mature for you to go and be with another adult after he left. It wasn't very mature of him to try and put you in the middle and tell you that your mom isn't a good mom.

edit:

I agree with the person above me, since you have problems talking things out, maybe you really should write him a letter or txt or email getting all of your feelings and thoughts on the matter out in the open. I have trouble saying the right things in those kind of situations too so i usually end up writing letters. It's easier because you can get all your thought out there and make sure that you get everything said that needs to be said.

Answer 2

I don't know about the situation but I think your father is being the immature one. Talk with your mother about it. He's acting weird to me. He's acting more like a boyfriend then a father

Answer 3

Well, I am a single mom of a 13 y/o girl (her father and I divorced when she was very young also) and I think you did just great. You seem to be very mature. Your father, on the other hand, is not very mature. You handled things just fine and your mother should be very proud of you. You did nothing wrong. Your father is probably very insecure about your affection and is acting out. Don't worry about it. Visit him if you want but tell him to leave the drama somewhere else.

Answer 4

I think you did the right thing by sticking up for your mother.. You should always respect the person who raised you.. However, I wouldn't let that ruin the relationship you have with your father. If this was a one time incident and he isn't always talking about your mother that way then I would try to fix things with him, now that he should understand he crossed the line.. If you feel as though you cant talk to him... esp if you don't talk good verbally, then right him a letter, just as you had written one in a blog. I suck at talking so when things get to over bearing for me I usually write letters.. and people always understand me better and it helps get my feelings out and ease the pain and stress... plus, you don't have interruptions and you get out everything you have to say. Try it!!

Answer 5

Tell him child support is not a punishment but a responsibility that YOU did not ask to be born and HE is the one who got your mom pregnant to blame himself.Also, you are passing school,you aren't on drugs ,you aren't in jail or pregnant so your MOM ust be doing SOMETHING right so quit bad mouthing her.Whatever went wrong between the 2 of them is THEIR problem and he hasn't gotten over it yet,but has remarried and made more kids.Tell him all of this.

Answer 6

Well, I'm not disagreeing with what the people above me said, but I definitely think it was a very bad idea to write a letter like that an put it on Myspace.

I mean, writing it is one thing, which is healthy, and generally a good idea, but why on earth would you put it on Myspace? I mean, even if you're just writing out your feelings, and it's both good things and bad things, that's still something that's very personal, not only to you, but to the other person involved (that person being your father).

So while I can't necessarily agree with your father's response, just keep in mind that what you did was still a very disrespectful thing to do, and I'd say he had every right to be offended. Although I will say you both probably could have handled the situation better.

Answer 7

Well... the immature one is a grown man here.

He wanted you, and you were with your mother - does he have regular and consistent weekends that are his responsibility or does he just take you when he feels like it? This is why courts settle regular hours, so all parties, both parents and kids who are old enough to understand, can make plans and have a schedule. He could be annoyed if you disappeared without letting him know when you were expected to be with him, but not to whine to you about your mother. It is never for the kid to hear from either parent about the frustrations or unhappinesses between the adults.

At 16, you could have a substantial say in things like visitation and contact. Perhaps he needs to agree now to meet you at a certain hour, on a certain day, always. If he is overbearing or cannot let you be when you have had enough, you might explore some counselling or facilitated, mediated, whatever discussion to lay out a framework for this stuff.

Judges know it is the kid who counts, more than either parent, in these matters. If one parent is upsetting the child by insulting the other or complaining to the child about access and issues... well, deliberate alienation (talking trash to you about your mother, blaming her for his relationship issues with you, etc) is emotional abuse. At 16 in some places you can apply to be independently represented - you are not property to be divided up in a divorce, you are one of his responsibilities not rights.

Answer 8

I think you did the right thing.  You're Dad is an adult, he should be able to handle it.  You should be able to talk to you're friends about things that hurt you because talking about things help.  It's not right for your Dad to swear at you or make you cry.  He shouldn't make you feel like a hostage.  You were in the right.  I would also recommend talking to your Dad about what happened and how he made you feel.  He may not know what he is doing, since he's your Dad he loves you and if you make things clear on how you feel he should try to change to make your relationship better.