How would you handle your m-i-l criticizing your kids?

Question

a couple of months ago I went to my mil's house in the am while she was watching my 9 yo niece for the weekend i came in during a conversation about how her nail polish (glitter little girl stuff) looked disgusting - her word and she needed to lose weight. i sat to eat brkfst and all during my niece was saying can i still eat this? how bout that? etc she bought her new clothes cause she thought what my nieces mom sent was ugly and wouldnt take her to church looking like that. i felt she should have talked to her son when he came back not ride her granddaughters a** all weekend.

few wks later we were all at the mall and my nieces 16yo bro was w/us and grandma lit into him all day how his hair looked disgusting (he's going thru this greasy emo faze) and wouldnt let up all day he looked so embarrassed.

I have a 2 yo boy and 4mo daughter w/her son. I would be furious if she ever spoke to my kids like that. thats an eating disorder waiting to happen AND its none of her business!

Answer 1

Then speak up now. She is never going to change. She is exaclly who she is because no one ever told her about herself. As my late mom used to say ":Who died and made you emporer?"

Your HUSBAND is the one who will need to adress this issue with her. She is hypercrtical and controlling. Let her know that if she doesn't change, then you may see her less.

That may be the only way to get her attention

Answer 2

I'd talk your in law siblings about how your MIL is treating their children.  Were they around to hear this?   What your MIL is doing is very dangerous.  You niece sounds like she's on the road to an eating disorder.  

If they don't do that then you need to stand up for them when she says something nasty.  She's not trying to help them she's just being spiteful and mean.

If you don't do something about this THIS is how she'll be talking to your kids in 9 years.

Answer 3

That's unacceptable for her to be putting that on a 9 year old girl and a young boy. You need to talk to your man again and tell him that this needs to stop. And if i were you, i wouldn't leave my kids alone with her, who knows what she's saying to them behind closed doors. She sounds like a very unhappy woman, i would not want her to project that onto my children in any way shape or form. Also, when you do talk to your man, and he finally gets the point, you should have a family meeting and set guidlines for your mil and your children, about when she can buy them new clothes and such.

Answer 4

Oh that just sounds so terrible. She may be becoming bitter with old(er) age!  I would at least bring this to the discussion table at your house with your husband and how their grandma interacts with your children.  Just tell him your concerns and how you two can keep your children clear of their grandma's negativity.  Just make sure to do it carefully. No one would appreciate their mother being called a *****.  

And if you're close with your sister-in-law I would pass alone what you heard and saw.  I know I would definitely appreciate the information.  That way she can decide how her family is going to respond to that behavior.

My mil isn't that bad but picks on her daughter's husband and child a lot behind their backs.  I just be sure to give her nothing to speak ill of when we visit.  And on the rare occasion when we let her babysit I gave her an actual list of rules, bedtimes, etc.  She didn't like that I was telling her what to do at first but now it's just standard that I will bring a list and what's written is rule.  I honestly think in a weird way she appreciates that I tested her judgement instead of her telling me how to raise my kids!

Good Luck!

EDIT: The next time she attempts to buy your children any unwanted "gifts" tell her that you're sorry but you can't accept them and give them right back! My MIL tried to change which pacifier I was using with my first and I was upset. To let her know I didn't appreciate it, I didn't say a word.  I just took her pacifier choice out of my child's mouth with her watching and gave them the one I'd chosen.

Answer 5

If my MIL did that to my children or my nieces/nephews, she would get an ear full from me!  No child should be spoken to like that.  You're exactly right that telling a 9 - year - old girl that she looks ugly and needs to lose weight is an eating disorder waiting to happen.  I hope you've spoken to your niece's/nephew's parents about how their grandmother was treating them.  In the future, if you hear her speak to any of the children like that again, intervene and tell her to stop being such a witch or you're taking the children back home.

As for the unwanted presents, hand them right back.  Tell her, "No, thank you.  I told you my son wasn't going to have them, and we cannot accept them."  If she won't respect your rules, limit her time with your kids.  You're their mother, and you have the right to decide what's best for your children.  Good luck.

Answer 6

She sounds like a d********x to me - maybe suggest she get into the trade and leave the drama at work??? lol

Seriously, if your man won't stand up for you and your fam, then you'll have to supervise your children's time with her and call her out when necessary. As for her insulting everybody else, you can stand up for them and/or console them because everybody's not bitter, angry and controlling.

Answer 7

What did you say to your niece and nephew? You certainly should have spoken up to her when she was harassing them and let her know that the way she was speaking to them was unkind and inappropriate. At the very least you should have let your niece and nephew know that some people don't always act appropriately and can't hold their opinions to themselves, that there is nothing wrong with either of them and that they shouldn't take grandmas criticisms too seriously..