How would you know that you are trying to date a feminist?

Question

If seen comments on here like, " I would never date a feminist", "When I see a feminist I run in the opposite direction". With feminism being as pervasive as it is how would you know that he or she is one. For example, such things like dutch dating, women being assertive enough to ask a man out, and men cooking for a woman are now more common place than in the past.

Answer 1

If she has an abnormal fear of the kitchen.

If she's jealous and angry if I make more money than her.

If she has a problem with me being the "man" in the relationship.

Feminists drop certain hints.

Answer 2

If you are a man confident in his own manliness you won't fear feminists nor will you feel the need to denigrate or insult them.

Answer 3

I will answer this question from the other point of view, as unless I go through my life shouting I am a feminist, no one would know. But I don't do it, as there is a not a feminist party to vote for ;-)

What makes me a feminist is my ideology and the way I see things, the awareness I have about social injustices, especially in the Third World, where everybody's life suck, but where the weaker need more protection.

From my personal experience it has been exactly the other way, since very young. I am allergic to "macho" guys, especially that I grew up in a very macho country.

I remember one telling me that he didn't want me to follow the profession I had chosen,  I finished the relationship.

Other one, used to tell me to shut up, every time we used to go to a party, bye-bye to him.

Other one, punished me one day that I decided to go the movies with a friend, bye-bye too.

Any man, that has tried to control my life, to change me, and to tell me what to do about my professional choices is a love buster.

On the other side, I also respect and support the decisions of my partners. I don't see them as someone that have to take care of me as if I were a child, I have always seen them as "partner in life", companionship, a team that face life together, as hey, life is difficult enough.

I am also very romantic, I love to give and to receive, as a gesture of tenderness.

This said, I have to be doing something right. As ex-partners, at one time or another, tend to look for me again after many years, wanting to stay in contact, and many other situations I will not describe as it is my personal life and I don't want to brag about it ;-)

I am always confused in this section, as some say they would never date a feminist, in the other hand they complain about paying in a date, or about having to support a woman. hey, hey, where are we? You want a woman that will work and support you as an equal , helping you realize your dreams, sharing things in life so the burden is less heavy? Or a woman that because she is just at home in the traditional way, can't support herself, therefore the man has to pay for her? Very confusing to me.

This said, no one in my life would know I am a feminist, unless I say it. But don't step on my toes, don't abuse me, don't tell me to follow you orders or commands, because I am out, sooner than later.

On the other hand respect me, and I will respect back. Everybody wins.

I think it is easier to spot a "traditional" man, than a feminist, especially as many, like me, don't fit the stereotype. I have never wanted to control a man, it has been with some of them the opposite. I suppose because I am a sweet person in real life, and some men thought they could control me easily, telling me to stay in the kitchen...alas, what a surprise when the sweet person tells you: "You know? Good-bye".

We all men and woman, have to have respect for ourselves, for what we want to do in life and respect our partners. I think that many people (men and women) are in a control trip, but love, is not about control, but respect.

p.s. I talked so much, that I am not sure now if I answered the question! (lol)

Answer 4

Patois: I laughed so hard!  That woman is a moron!  Is that really our future?

Seeker of painful truths:

"If she seems to be a little too alpha female, thats usually a sign to me. Especially if she acts a bit standoff-ish, defensive or a bit cold to alpha males, and open and kind to more shy beta males. I haven't been wrong yet.

Because God forbid a woman be strong and have a mind of her own.

"I have a friend I used to work with. I met his wife and she always seemed a bit cold when I met her. Demanding in how she talked. A bit controlling over the conversation over just simple things. But I figured at first she was just shy or standoff-ish."

That makes zero sense.  How can you be shy and stand-offish, yet dominate a conversation?  You're just tailoring this to suit your needs.

When my friend brought two of his friends over, one friend was kind of alpha male, the other was very beta, shy, very submissive. His wife met us all for the first time, we all had dinner, but ignored me and the alpha guy completely. Always seemed a bit cold. But embraced the shy guy like he was the grandest thing in the world."

So basically, women have to be all happy and smiling all the time to make you happy?  Eww...

"I asked my friend if she was a femininst because she reminds me of a few. he said no, but then later he said she used to be for a long time."

Ummm, a feminist isn't like a punk rocker or heavy drinker or something.  "She used to be for a long time"?  Wow.

"Also, some may not feel they are feminists, but they may be femininst in behavior and thinking. My wife wouldn't call herself a feminist, but she thinks like one on a positive level."

WHAAATT???  That makes NO sense!  "She thinks like one on a postive level".  That is laughable.

Answer 5

This isn't always the case, but from my experience:

If she seems to be a little too alpha female, thats usually a sign to me. Especially if she acts a bit standoff-ish, defensive or a bit cold to alpha males, and suprisingly open and kind to more shy, submissive beta males. I haven't been wrong yet.

I have a friend I used to work with. I met his wife and she always seemed a bit cold when I met her. Demanding in how she talked. A bit controlling over the conversation over just simple things. But I figured at first she was just shy or standoff-ish. When my friend brought two of his friends over, one friend was kind of alpha male, the other was very beta, shy, very submissive. His wife met us all for the first time, we all had dinner, but ignored me and the alpha guy completely no matter how much we tried to talk with her and get a friendly conversation going. Always seemed a bit cold. But embraced the shy guy like he was the grandest thing in the world. I was like "really..is SHE for real?"  I asked my friend if she was a femininst because she reminded me of a few I'd met. He said no, but then later he said she used to be one for a long time. My friend is quite a submissive beta male himself. She makes all the decisions because he is so indecisive.

Also, some may not feel they are feminists, but they may be femininst in behavior and thinking. My wife wouldn't call herself a feminist, but she thinks like one on a positive level. She's a cool lady.

EDIT:  CAPRICORN12, unfortunately words can be misunderstood.  Especially since in this section of Yahoo answers, a lot of people come here with the main purpose of offending people, so it's hard to tell who's being a jerk and who's being sincere.

You misunderstood what I said & one of your replies was  with this:

"That makes zero sense. How can you be shy and stand-offish, yet dominate a conversation? You're just tailoring this to suit your needs."

I didn't say she was shy, and standoff-ish, and dominated the converstaion all at the same time. That would indeed make no sense.

I said (as I was trying to understand her) she seemed a bit controlling over the conversation, but I figured ("figured" meaning, might or maybe) at first she was just shy OR standoff-ish (as I was trying to decide which word best discribed her).

This is why I thought she might be shy:   I'm not sure if you experienced this, but do you know how some people are so shy that they don't really know the best way to conversate and so because they're nervous, they become impulsive & they cut you off. Or some will jump into debate mode because thats their comfort mode when they're nervous? They then come off as not listening to you, and instead controlling the conversation to be what ever they want it to be, or being rude? But they aren't doing it intensionally? Well thats what I thought at first about her. I've met people like that. I used to be kind of like that in middle school, then I learned not to be so nervous.

I apologise if it still sounds like it makes no sense. If I had more time I would talk with you more about it so there could be an understanding.

Take care Capricorn.

Answer 6

You are right. Casual feminist's are a dime a dozen. Most of them are actually good people and I wouldn't discount them for friends or dating.

   Radical feminist's though, no way. I would simply have to pay attention. Bigot's and sexist pig's will usually give themselves away.

      Just requires paying attention, not getting distracted.

Sometimes because of basic biology when we date someone we are willing to over look things even if those around us jump up and down trying to point it out.

     You would have to keep a level head and slowly ease into the relationship to be sure.

Any sign of misandry or sexism our double standards and end the relationship. But most of the time it is her friends that will give her away. Who we decide to associate with can speak volumes about what kind of person we are.

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lmao.. a good example is right below me. A typical sexist attempt of trying to "shame" men into doing what she thinks is "best".

       Nice attempt at emotional abuse.

But it is us men as individual that decide what the term "manly" means and how we view are self's.

   Abusive feminist's will often try to shame men into doing things that are not in there best interest because feminist's have low regards for males.

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My Choice to not date feminist's is a punitive choice and a matter of self defense.

Because feminist activist's are directly responsible for much of the discrimination against men, and hostility towards men in our society.

     And I would have to wonder if I would be safe around a person who's ideology practically legalized women "allowed" to kill men in cold blooded murder.

And I have a zero tolerance for BS, if she would talk about the feminist "perspective" or feminist "science" and other ideological BS I would probably be too disgusted to speak.

Answer 7

i will only date feminine women, in other words women that aren't feminists.

Answer 8

my rule of thumb applies here, if she a feminist she's out the door..

I don't want to spend the night comparing dicks.

Answer 9

I think it is more helpful to get to know a person and their politics than to make all kinds of assumptions based on stereotypes, appearances, and identity labels that they may or may not actually identify with.

Besides, since most anti-feminists seem convinced that all feminists are lesbians, if they are dating them it either means she thinks he's a woman or that she's obviously not a feminist right?

Answer 10

If she is just a feminist, then maybe she is more assertive.  If she is a radical feminist, then she might be difficult (has to control, has MANY rules, controls the language/verbiage,

is more aggressive than assertive, etc.)  

Usually what she talks about is a dead giveaway...the man is put on notice not to "act or say certain things."  Maybe that is good for them but I believe in a balance, equality and respecting each other.  

Answer 11

Where I come from, the only way to know if a girl is a feminist is if she explicitly calls herself one. Also, where I come from, if she does, the guys generally don't run screaming like the blonde airhead in a bad slasher movie.

Answer 12

Well, if her legs are hairier than mine...

Just kidding.  I won't say it.  It's a stupid stereotype anyway.

Seriously, the only thing that would really get on my nerves is if she had a real bad victim mentality, like going on and on about how "oppressed" women are, or if she had to constantly remind me about how great women are, or something along those lines.  None of the things you mentioned bother me, although I doubt I'll be cooking for a woman anytime soon since my cooking skills are limited to not burning down the house.  I like the dutch idea, actually.  I don't mind paying sometimes for certain things, especially if it's something I'm a lot more interested in than her, but I'm not going to be the one spending 80% of the money like I've seen some guys do.

Well, in all that I guess I really didn't answer what you asked.  The truth is, if she talks a lot about women's issues, I'd say she's a feminist.  That can be a good or bad thing, depending on a number of factors.

Answer 13

Two words.

DRAFT ELIGIBILITY.

Until I see women petition the government for draft eligibility, they aren't equal to me. I have to fight in combat or go to prison. Women to not. You are not my equal. The US government says so.

Now. Be quiet. Bring me a beer.  

Answer 14

If she looked like your avatar ( btw is that really you) it would be very hard to tell at first.

But after a few dates it would become evident through conversation about politics , finance , family or something along those lines.

Just like if I went to open the door for you and you called me a chauvinist pig because of it .You then would know I'm more of the traditionalist , old school type.

Answer 15

Well I am a feminist, or I believe in it anyway, and honestly I can say from experience that guys can't tell. To them I am a regular girl they look up and down and ask out. I look just like the average girl out there, because I am one. I just believe that I have worth and will not take treatment that makes me feel bad about myself

Answer 16

Y'know it's funny.  I've been dating this guy for a little over 3 years now.  He's always known me to be liberal, progressive, etc. and has even heard me several times over the years talk about women's rights, women's lib, etc etc etc.  h**l, I've even had discussions with him many many times about points that were brought up in some of the women’s studies classes I've had over time.  

BUT, it wasn't until about 6 months ago that he "realized" I was a feminist.  

We were in the car listening to Rush (friends close enemies closer lol) and he started in on his usual feminazi diatribe and my boyfriend was nodding his head in agreement.

It must have been obvious that I was turned off by it because he looked me straight in the eye and said "Oh come on, admit it, those feminazis have gone too far"  

"Really?" I said, "So because I'm a feminist it makes me a n**i?"

"Since when are you a feminist?!" says he

"Uh, birth?" says me

I've never seen a more confused look in my life. lol

He went on to use various stereotypes to prove to me that I couldn't possibly be a feminist, all of which I said were obviously false.

It's funny to me now really, realizing that I'd never thought to necessarily call myself out as a feminist in front of him or tattoo it on my forehead, because I've always thought that peoples actions and beliefs is what shows their true character, not the labels they call themself.

I still don't think it sits very well with him, he seemed to be very shaken up at the idea that his trusted girlfriend had morphed into an evil femimonster. But, I think he's coping well. :-P

In answer to your question: If my little situation shows anything, they won't necessarily know, not for a few years anyway lol.

Answer 17

You know if a girl is a feminist or not, if you notice a certain selfish behaviour - shopping for the girl, bills to the boy despite both have the same salary.

Feminism has nothing to do with equality. Feminism means demanding advantages from men, companies etc... solely out of the justification to be a female.  

Answer 18

Simplest way is I'd ask.  If she says that she's a Feminist the date is over.

Answer 19

1st, I wouldn't "try" to date one.. Feminists cannot be pervasive to me ; I know all the " earmarks ".. I've been asked out more than once too. Believe me they weren't all feminists however.. Naturally there had been some interaction 1st, so I knew. The 1 & only feminist I dated, I dated selfishly.. She was an A.D.A. and I just wanted to see how much I could discreetly learn about law from her perspective. Mission accomplished..

Answer 20

Well, I'm a feminist and I'm not creepily loud and aggressive.  I like taller guys, I'd rather be asked out than ask someone out, and I shave. I don't fit the stereotype. Whatever. If a guy knew the definition of feminism and he still didn't like it, I'd banish him forever. Feminism is about equal rights. There are little things associated with it, but the main idea is equal rights.

Answer 21

A good education is a giveaway.

Answer 22

There are some hardcore feminists I would date, namely the individualist feminists.

I would not date a radical feminist, gender feminist, or any of those nut jobs. They do not value truth, reason, logic, and science and they pretty much say that straight up. Although everyone is irrational in ways, those feminists pretty much embrace irrationality as their core belief. It is madness, insanity.

I discuss politics a lot, so it would be very clear very quick.

Answer 23

They could date each other's mothers and be safe from feminists that way.  The video below shows a woman who is NOT a feminist.  Now, think about it.  What do you think her kids are going to be like?  Kid's with mother's that acculturated to be a stupid pet don't grow up so well in matters of intelligence.  A guy who is afraid of dating a bogeyman feminist should probably just look at his own mom to figure out what a feminist isn't and what I.Q. bracket to stay under.  That's a big issue with many guys.   They need a woman to be less intelligent than they are in order to feel powerful and dominant.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHL...

Answer 24

Many of my friends would never know I'm a feminist - If asked to describe me they would say I'm a surfy chick or a cute, smart, funny gal.

It's never been an issue with my partner... He's a great guy and we cook, clean the pad and shop together.

I wonder, how does one 'act' like a feminist? One doesn't act like a feminst, one IS a feminist! But when one is amongst evolved people, it's not usually necessary to have to 'claim' it.