How would you propose to make sure that child support goes to the child(ren)?

Question

Since child support seems to be the topic of the day, here's a problem:

When people break up, they are often mad and don't trust each other. Often the non-custodial parent who is paying child support wonders whether that money is actually going to support the children, or is being used as a substitute for alimony. It sure would be nice if there were a way to make sure that money is actually going to support the child(ren), rather than being used to support the ex.

On the flipside, the expenses involved in child rearing are hard to neatly separate from other household expenses. Kids leave lights on and run up the electric bill, they drink from the same carton of milk as the adults, and they occupy rooms in a home that needs to be larger to accomodate them. The gasoline that's used to drive the kids to camp and soccer practice goes into the same tank as the gasoline that is used to drive the parent to work. So is there any way to make sure that the child support goes to the children without micromanaging the custodial parent's life to a ridiculous extent? I'm doubtful.

So anybody have any brilliant thoughts on this subject?

Answer 1

Excellent question Zelda.  I can't come up with a good idea on this.  I'm sure in the future children will have rights...and then the vultures, er I mean the lawyers will move in.  Possibly children might have lawyers who watch what the mom spends her money on.  

But that would be akin to Communism.  The mother would have to explain things and possibly be dragged into court.

Then and only then, would women realize how innocent fathers have been hassled by the Court system.  By that time it would be too late...

Oops sorry for the rant.  

Answer 2

Here's a couple of options I mentioned earlier.  Whether or not they are brilliant, who am I to say?

Child support is intended to meet basic needs of the children, such as food and clothing etc. Coupons can be provided for these items. Another option that might be fair is issuing a card like an EBT card. This may be more fair as many people have complained about the coupon proposal, saying that it offers custodial parents too little control over their support. This card would offer more freedom, but would also make it easier for the county to track how the money is being spent to ensure that the child is indeed the benificiary of the support.

Answer 3

that is a great question. something my own parents bicker about a lot. thank you

Answer 4

I don't have children myself yet, but I'm discusted by people who complain about having to pay child support. Can you really put a price on raising children? I'm sure the law didn't just say 'lets pick a $ amount out of a hat and go with that'....

Any parent who loves their children should make it their duty to be respectful of the parent who has custody, if only for the children's sake! Money is only money - Your children are your life!

Being angry at the other parent, someone you once loved enough to bear children with, is SO incredibly selfish and juvenile.... Complaining about having to pay child support to the person who is raising your children is discusting. Would you not give everything you have for the happiness of your children?

It's very difficult I'm sure for the parent who wants custody but loses custody to the other parent, but you only have yourselves to blame for not being adult enough to get past your own issues and think about what is best for your children - By working out a joint-custody arrangement with the other parent.

I have put off having children until now (I'm 31) because this is such a huge thing as far as I'm concerned, bringing children in to this world. And I want to make dead certain I am doing it with the right person, who I know will be a good partner and father no matter what happens.

Answer 5

This question is moot.

How exactly does a single mother  NOT use child support to the benefit of the child?

She uses it for rent, for daycare, for food, for bills and for any other basic needs that keep both her and the child alive and well.

If she is working, which is usually the case because child support is not sufficient to support a mother raising a child, then any left over money can be fairly used at her discretion under the assumption that it is money she works hard to earn.

The custodial parent has enough responsibility handling daycare and baby sitting arrangements, day-to-day childrearing, disciplining and educating the child, attending to its daily needs, preparing meals, as well as working full-time employment and managing a household. Is it going to help the child in any way to put excess strain on the mother by imposing scrutiny on the way she manages the funds?

I'd very much like to know how any parent would someone not "keep the money for themselves" as they are raising their child. If they are working less, they will spend more time with the child, and the funds are justified, if they are working more, they are justified in paying for daycare.

I can tell you from personal experience that my father's constant scrutiny towards my mother's use of child support money during the few years that she had it was much more damaging to me than any potential mismanagement. My mother loved us very much and I don't mind one bit that she occasionally treated herself. She worked full-time my whole life so that we didn't have to live in abject poverty and deserved every penny she got from my father who couldn't be bothered to babysit us if she was at work and who didn't need the money anyway since he was only supporting himself and his luxurious lifestyle.

Fighting over who gets to control child support money is nothing more than a power struggle for the non-custodial parent. I understand the distrust that comes with divorce but there children here are being used as pawns and their best interest certainly isn't in controlling the custodial parent but rather better supporting them so that they are more available for children who are otherwise raised in daycare and with babysitters because their mothers have to work sometimes two or three jobs to make ends meet.

The best way to take away the "my ex is using the money for herself" argument is for the non-custodial to realize that any parent who is supporting themselves and has custody for their child is inevitably supporting their child in the process. Suggesting otherwise is not only calling into question a parent's desire for their child's best interest, but further undermining women's position as responsible adults.

*disclaimer: female pronoun used here because in most cases the custodial parent is a woman. my position would be the same if genders are reversed.

Answer 6

Supporting the mother supports the child.

Come on TD.

Edit:

"My husband's daughter is going to live with her aunt and uncle for a year, but his ex has said outright that she will keep the child support money for herself because she quit her job and needs the income."

That's no longer child support and it's not right.

Answer 7

This isn't a real problem for most people, it's a problem of perception.  

I knew a dad who had to pay back child support for a couple years (dispute over paternity), and when he cut the check, she ran out and bought a new car and this really got him upset.  Her attitude was that if he had been providing for his child for the past couple years, she wouldn't have been driving the unreliable pile she had been for so long.  In the end, the kid will be using the car too--many of a mom's trips are either with the kids, for the kids, taking the kid to the sitter, or otherwise providing for the kid.  In short, it seemed extravagant to buy a car with the child support check, but she was still supporting her child with the money.

Most single mothers, even ones who get child support, aren't running out to the mall to keep up with the latest fashions and buy a lot of new stuff they don't need.  If they were there could be a reason to get upset.  Most people spend most of their money on their kids.  

So I guess I just think that the child support awards need to be fair and practical--and that once the award is made that the person writing the check shouldn't worry about how it is spent, unless he keeps finding his kid with holes in his shoes and the kid's mom in new shoes.

Answer 8

In the case of your step-daughter, the money should go to the aunt and uncle for the year when they care for the girl.  The mother is admitting to fraud.  Call the lawyer.  

Answer 9

I would think the best way is for the parent to like register at a store, like when people get married or have a baby shower. they pick what they want online and then you go and get the stuff. so you know that what you buy is for your child. problem is the parent might want to use the money for rent and that is a legitimate way to spend you child support money since the child lives in the house. thats my suggestions and i bet they can make that better.

Answer 10

This issue is not legitimate.  It is generated out of bitter MRA's websites related to not having "control" over their wives and children after divorce.  You should hear them hiss and get hysterical in court and frequently even threaten the judges in blathering outrages for daring to interfere with their "power games".  Single divorced parents cannot be discriminated against in this matter unless we require that ALL parents present documentation and evidence for how they are spending money to support their children, which would require full on-going financial disclosure and monitoring of how all parents, including married parents, spend every dime of their money.  

MRA sites get off on the point that mothers are spending child support money on drugs.  If a single divorced parent is spending money on drugs, that is a crime, just as spending money on drugs is a crime when parents are married.  If children are being neglected, that's a crime and should be addressed.  But, divorced AND married parents can spend their money unwisely and illegally. Can we actually somehow afford financially or as a democracy to require that all parents be monitored for how they spend every dime of their money?   Being awarded custody of children and child support in a contest is already based partly on a judge's decision as to which parent, of the two, is most likely to spend child support money on the children most wisely.

Next, of course, after eliminating criminal behaviors, in our New World Order of the state raising our children, would be to decide then exactly how one MUST spend one's money and set "proper" priorities to be considered a "proper" parent and deciding who gets to decide that.  I mean, if a married or single father is spending money on Internet hook-ups and p**n, should we take his children away from him for not spending that money instead on his children?  Or, if a family owns two cars and a child needs braces, should we remove the child from those parents for spending their money instead on the luxury of a second car?  This is the ridiculous level of "monitoring" and judging these guys are insisting they have a right to make in how their ex-wives spend "their" money.

Answer 11

Great question.

It is so sad when estranged parents use their children as pawns...and that is what these petty child support arguments are about most of the time.

If there is so little trust between ex-spouses, then child support can be paid directly to utility companies, day care centers, schools (for fees and extracurriculars) and medical offices.  In this way, you inconvenience the maximum number of other businesses in your inability to create a civilized arrangement with your ex.   That's better than the current way, isn't it?

Answer 12

The parents should set up a checking account solely for the purpose of support. The non-custodial parent deposits to the account, the custodial parent needs to account for withdrawals. That's not unreasonable. The parents can agree in advance what percentage of ambiguous expenses like gas (by figuring out the percentage of time the custodial parent is driving the children and driving alone) and utilities can be paid out of the funds.

I don't think that's unreasonable.

Answer 13

People miss the point on what child support is & what it is used for.

The money doesn't go to the child & is not just for items the child may need/want. It is to assist in the TOTAL support of the child.

If you are a custodial parent of say 1 child, you know all the little "extras' needed for your child. The support you receive is to assist in paying for a 2 bedroom apartment and everything associated with a child, such as the extra electric (kids love tv & computer games), food, cleaning supplies, water, refrigerator, laundry, transportation to/from school, school supplies, school lunches & field trips, hair cuts & so on.

I pay child support WILLINGLY. In fact I pay above & beyond due to all these "oversights" that people have when calculating the cost of a child.

Answer 14

When child support is awarded, it should be broken down into percentages.  A certain part would be living expenses that would cover a decent home, utilities, food, etc.  Another part should be designated as miscellaneous, for school expenses, clothing etc.  It would be easy to provide receipts for those things (we save them for taxes, rebates and possible returns anyway).  Yet another percentage should be placed in a savings account for future expenses...also easily documented.

Answer 15

I'd like to see child support go into a trustfund or something until the child turns 18. The custodial parent always abuses the child support money.  Don't be disturbed because you can and should report her. She can't do it. It's like the #1 rule in getting child support, the child MUST live with the custodial parent.  

Answer 16

I think there should be an account with all the child support money in it which could only be used to pay for gas, electric bills, and to buy things for the children. If the parent wants to buy something special for themselves they should use their own money.

Answer 17

let the mother decide how to spend the mony... u no shes doing wats best for her kids...