How would you punish your seven year old?

Question

My seven year old is usually very well behaved but yesterday at daycare she got angry at another kid and kicked him and spit in his face. The teacher was even surprised that she acted like this they talked to her at daycare and I talked to her at home. (I do not spank my kid) she had to go to her room for 30 minutes which to her seemed like an enternity and she cried and cried after about five minutes until her 30 minutes was up. After her time was up I held her and we talked some more about it and I told her that if she ever gets that angry again she should go to her teacher and tell them and see if she can go read a book or something to calm down . and she said she would do that. like I said before she isnt perfect but is usually pretty well mannered but I dont want her to think this kind of behavior is acceptable and doesnt have consequences.

Answer 1

I would be more concerned about what is going on with this daycare versus your Daughter. She is learning it somewhere and if she is continually around this type of behavior that is being modeled you can almost guarantee something is gonna happen again. I would go and observe if you can the daycare center or afterschool program or whatever it is. It sounds like you have a good Daughter, but she is mimicing some behavior that she has seen and yes let her know this is just not acceptable and show her ways she can get out her anger without resorting to violence. I think you did right thing by allowing her time to think about what she did and talking about the situation. Sometimes as adults we even need to give ourselves timeout so we can better equip ourselves to say the right words to our children.

Never do anything out of anger. I think you did fine. Get to the bottom of why she did this and who is doing this type of thing at the daycare. Change daycares if things get worse or talk with the Director.  

Answer 2

I think that is very appropriate for a seven year old who is usually well mannered and well behaved, however if it were to happen again the punishment would have to be harsher.  I.e. take away privileges.  I do not believe in hitting either.  

Answer 3

What you did sounds fine, but not really harsh enough.

She deliberately hurt another person....she should be made to apologize to the kid. The 30 mins in the room is ok....I'd have made it all night. There'd be no tv/computer/snacks/whatever she's into for a whole week.

Sounds harsh and it is. Guarantee she'd never do it again. And I hope she doesn't after what you've done too, but if she does...make it harsher. Tell her next time how bad it will be....the fear of punishment is effective.

Answer 4

Your daughter sounds like mine.  Very very well behaved and I'd also be shocked if she did such a thing.  We've rarely ever had to punish her.  If my sitter told me this after I picked her up, then I would do what you did.  Go home, and talk to her and figure out why she got mad at this boy and take away a privilege, like no dessert after dinner (which she always looks forward to) or something else.  I don't even know what, because we rarely do it.  And yes, tell her what to do next time a kid is mean to her.  Sounds like your daughter was just having a bad day, that's all.

BTW Don't blame it on daycare and don't listen to the "she's learning it from someone there".  I agree with the others that this boy was probably provoking her or annoying her for months and she got fed up.

Answer 5

A spanking, sorry but kids that don't get spanked

act just like your daughter.

Spare the Rod, Spoil the child.

Answer 6

I think you handled it very well.

Answer 7

I think you did fine. If this really was out of character for her, then that 30 minutes in her room might be all she needed to get her back on track. And besides, like another poster mentioned, who knows how the other kid provoked her...there could be circumstances here that neither you nor her daycare provider know about that made her act that way...not that that's any excuse, but it certainly makes some of the consequences suggested by others seem a little extreme.

And just to ease your mind a little...my younger sister was always a very well-behaved child - did what she was told, polite, etc. One day I was teasing her (as usual) at the dinner table, and she just snapped and grabbed a dinner roll and threw it at my head. She was about 8 at the time. My parents were so shocked that their mild-mannered baby did that, they just sat there with their mouths open for about 60 seconds. Long story short, she didn't get in trouble, and yet it did not set her on a lifelong path of delinquency and destruction. Sometimes good kids do stupid stuff, but still turn out just fine, so don't worry about your daughter too much, unless it becomes a pattern! :-)

Answer 8

Well mannered children don't just kick others and spit in their faces.  It sounds like a horrible lack of respect.  A talking to and 30 minutes in her room doesn't seem to cut it.  I think that taking away her privilege to TV or friends for a week would be more appropriate.  I wouldn't necessarily say spank her, but she owes the boy an *huge* apology and I would almost venture to say that she needs a bigger consequence.

At seven years old she does not need an explanation as to why she was wrong.  Any seven year old knows that what she did was wrong.  She cannot claim she didn't know.  And just because she said she won't do it again doesn't mean she will hold up to that.  Children will say things to get parents off their backs.  It seems like she needs a big lesson on respect for others.  I don't expect perfection, but you seem to have this stance of "my child is a little angel and is incapable of intentionally being bad".  

Answer 9

If mine had done that a SPANKING is the punishment that's called for. Then maybe 30 min. in the room. Since you don't spank, maybe all day in her room. What she did was WRONG beyond all belief. Serious misbehavior needs to be met with the most severe consequences.

As to the people who keep questioning what the boy did to make her so angry, WHERE DID YOU PEOPLE LEARN HOW TO PARENT? The only time ask that question is when she's been properly punished for the POOR CHOICE SHE made. What he did is means NOTHING. You have a daughter that KICKED, and SPIT in someones face - You need to take that opportunity to teach her that negative actions have consequences, no matter how good she normally is.  

Answer 10

it's the first time she did this. i think how you handled it is fine. if it happens again then harsher punishment may be in order.

Like another person said, everyone makes mistakes and people are allowed to get angry. She just needs to be able to learn to manage her anger and control her temper. LIke you did, give her other suggestions on how to react when she is upset. You may also suggest she tells the boy to stop doing whatever is bothering her nicely. If he doesnt, then ask an adult for help or walk away.

Answer 11

I am sorry Texas Mommy of Two even well mannered children can loose their temper. That was a low blow in my opinion. She is 7 that is still pretty young.  Maybe this boy has been bugging her for months who knows it was not stated. But I do believe a well mannered child can have a momentary lapse and be ill mannered.

That said I do think she should have another punishment. Even if she cried the whole time she needs to be grounded or loose TV privilege or something. It depends on the child each of mine would get a different punishment because they like different things.

For the record, what was the boy doing to her?

Answer 12

I think your reaction was just right. Manners at daycare may be a little rougher than at your peaceful home, and I also think that your daughter has not kicked that boy without provocation. So yes, you did right in impressing her that her behavior was wrong, in making her apologize, and especially in telling her how to avoid such situations in the future. If you ever get another complaint, though, for the same kind of misbehavior there may have to be more serious consequences for your daughter.