How would you react if you found out your husband was secretly flirting with another girl?

Question

I would like to know how the other married (or not) women out there would react if they found out their husband was having secret "friends". Like finding flirty text messages for a while from a girl that says, for example, she wants HIM for her birthday and HIM saying "I missed you"? Like while away from home visiting family, a while after seeing those messages, getting the phone bill with hours of phone conversation with that same girl? Some of which taking place right after having a "s**y" phone conversation with my husband? =) Some of which happening after telling me he had to leave, that he didn't like talking on the phone...and then talked 1 more hour with that girl?

Just wondering, he calls me crazy!!!!!!!

And how about, when that whole thing is over a couple months later, finding out that HE has been texting another girl non stop from work...on our shared cellphone? Finding out that it's a girl that called my home a couple weeks ago and that he swore he had never heard from her in soooo long. That it's a old friend that has a crush on him...and then oops, I get to see a message from her that says "I want you so bad"??

How would you have reacted to all this?

Let's be fair to him, we have been having a though year...with 2 babies and all!!! Though or not...is that an OK thing to do?

Both times he completely denied doing anything wrong, blamed me for everything, called me a *****, threatened to leave me...and he calls me crazy for asking him to stop his relationship with that "friend" that I never heard of after almost 5 years of being married.

He an idiot but I still love him.

What would you have done?

thanks

Answer 1

Ok if I was on your position, tough year or not, that is just not acceptable. Being married (or together) means respecting each other! Being faithful to one another, especially if there's kids involved. Everything is up to you, of course. But you need to put a stop to it before it comes more than "conversations."

Answer 2

be practical trite the mater ma ind well you give sum details as dob,tob and pob all of connected with problem

Answer 3

Your husband needs to respect you, first of all, no excuse for calling you names or accusing you of anything. Second, no excuse to talk to ANY girl or flirting.  You need to understand that he´s been acting irresponsible, disrespectful and imature towards you, your kids and your relationship and maybe because you´re so caught on with your babies you´ve let it all happen and he´s getting away with it. But you need to get mad and I´m talking, MAD. I don´t mean you need to insult him and act like he is, but pretty much give him an ultimatum.

Your kids are just babies but that doesn´t mean they don´t feel the tension between you two, and seeing an unhappy mom. They need love and a stable home, don´t you think? They need the perfect parents to care for them, ones who love each other and trasnmit security. So for your kids as much as for yourself, stand up to your rights and what you deserve.

If he doesn´t want to be around, as much as I hate to say it, he better go because he´s either in, or he´s out. There´s no such thing as: I´m married, and I flirt with other women, but I love my wife and kids, and my wife´s a *****. That´s just so unstable for you and your kids and there´s where families break. I understand how hard it must be for you to handle the house and the babies, but if your husband is not acting like a real husband and father, you really don´t want him around.

I can´t tell you how sad it makes me to hear that he´s flirting with other women. He´s a sick man who´s got no morals and principles over what a family and a marriage means.

Answer 4

Sounds like you married a jerk.  I'm sorry for that. If everything you have accused is true, then your husband is having s*x with this girl.  I would bet the farm on it.

Pack up the kids, go to your mom's and never look back.

Best of luck...

Answer 5

I found out that my husband was secretly running with a woman from his work and when I found out he said that he was looking for something that was missing in our marriage.  Needless to say we are getting a divorce.  The next time he threatens to leave tell him to get out.  He will realize quickly what he has lost.

Answer 6

Perhaps I'm wrong on this but he smells like a cheater to me. I'm not sure what he does for work but some jobs enable cheaters do do their thing on the clock. I vote you at liest start thinking of an exit strategy.  

Answer 7

Seems you a bit naive thinking he is just flirting it's a lot more that than> phone s*x is just on the phone> what do they do when together> Play checkers?? I might be wrong i hope so but you have some big issues with him>

Answer 8

if he wasn't already cheating on u his conversations with her wouldn't be saying all this. he is more into this relationship then u are willing to believe. there is no excuse for this, this is not ok no matter what is going on.there is more to this than meets the eye, this woman wouldn't just be calling him out of the blue.its something he is encouraging.

Answer 9

That's not good and he turned it on you something is definitely up there

Answer 10

I think you should get out of this relationship before it turns physically abusive.  If he is "flirting" (and I consider this a little more than flirting), and then turning it around and blaming you and calling you names, this is already emotional abuse.  I was once with a man for four years, and he never stopped cheating once he started.  I do believe that sometimes a cheater can reform, but it sounds as if this man doesn't want to even accept that he is doing something wrong.  For your sake, and for your children's sake, call a relative or a women's reach out place or something and get yourself out of there!

Some people may suggest counseling, and normally I would, too, as I am a big believer in it, but from what you are telling me, I think you need to get out of that situation.  Do whatever you have to do to get out and get help.  I also wouldn't recommend leaving on your own, and I would be wary about telling him you are leaving.  I just have a bad feeling about him.

Answer 11

i would be sooooooooo pissed, that's not appropriate at all!!! i would go out one him ohhhhhhhhhhhh

Answer 12

I would be very upset. I would tell him if things don't stop then you would leave.  If he loves you he would stop flirting and texting.  I had the same problem with my husband.  He texted his friend (a women)  at least 20 times a day. I told him that if he loves me then he should cut his texting to a few times a month.  I understand they are friends but I am his wife.

Answer 13

Seek a lawyer, file for divorce, you will have no need to really fight for custody, such small children always go to the mother, file for child support.  And move on from this man.  Respect yourself, if you are a good and loyal person you deserve MUCH more than this kind of disrespectful, irresponsible, juvenile man.

Answer 14

I'd sue for divorce.  You have to know it was more than flirting!  OR  your a easy push over!!

I'd sue for everything you have!  Or I shuld say  he has!!

Answer 15

Sorry girl but you are the foolish one.  He has already had this girl and you are believing those lies he is telling you.  Reverse the situation and you think about it.  He is making a huge fool out of you.  Personally I would tell him no more contact and I would tell him I knew he was cheating.  It's as simple as that.  The rest of what you do is up to you but that is disrespectful.

Answer 16

He's already cheating!  Seriously you need to stop having s*x with him  and if you do you need to make sure he is wearing protection.  You do not want to end up with a STD!  Of course he is going to lie and try and turn it around to make you seem like the bad guy here.  That is called being a man.  He's cheating and he needs to stop or you need to leave.  Tell him that he can no longer have a cell phone and the only email account he can have you need the password to.  If he doesn't agree to all this then , bye!

Answer 17

Let me guess.  You don't work, you don't have any money, and you don't have anywhere to go?  NOBODY with an option of any kind would be putting up with that c**p.  He's cheating on you sweetie.  I'll bet you any amount of money that it's NOT just texts & phone calls.  Would you text someone you had NEVER slept with & say "I want you SO bad" or "I want YOU for my bday"?  Would you do that?  NO.  Women don't usually act likes whores out of nowhere.  Don't you think it would be slightly desperate & embarrassing for a woman to send a text like that to a guy who has NO interest in her & isn't sleeping with her?  COME ON!!

Answer 18

He's just attacking you, because the best defense is offense. This is not right. Casual flirting is fine, we are both flirts, if I see mine casually flirting with the waitress he hardly knows I wouldn't flip but texting and talking in that manner to one person is out of question. Don't let him fool you, now he's trying to make you think that you are crazy and overreacting.

Answer 19

You cant make him do anything he doesnt want to. You want respect, but he wont give it to u unless he sees that he needs to. I actually dont know what I would do in the situation!

Answer 20

I'm sorry but it sounds like he may be cheating on you...I know it's hard to come to terms with, but this is the classic signs.

Answer 21

anything that's "secret" is not going to be healthy for him or his "boys", if you know what i mean....

Answer 22

After two children, I know it might be difficult to keep in shape,and I'm not even saying  that might be the problem. He's got at least two "other women" that think he's hot, so I just guess he must be!

Sooo...after 5 years of marriage,he hasn't left yet (2 kids=child support) you might just ask him what he wants you to do to re-kindle his interest in you? You might tell him that you want him so bad! Hire a babysitter once a month and give him that special night out - with YOU!  Use your imagination. Spice it up. This guy obviously digs it!