Question:

How would you refine the paragraph that I wrote?

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Uglies is a novel that was written by Scott Westerfield. One of the many themes of the novel is that conformity, as opposed to being yourself, overshadows your inner beauty.

At first, Tally wanted desperately to get the operation to make her 'pretty', so she can fit in. In the passage stated above, Tally discovers that when people get the operation, they also get a brain lesion inserted. The brain lesion prevents people from truly thinking for themselves. Therefore, the lesion makes them easy to control. The passage is imperative to developing the theme because it shows that if a person gets the operation, therefore choosing to be like everyone else, their mind gets taken over by the lesion. When a person gets the lesion inserted, they lose who the are, and become what the city wants people to be. Special Circumstances is a group of people who enforce the rules of Tally's city. The represent a dictatorship because they prevent people from being individuals. When Tally's friend Shay runs away to The Smoke, Special Circumstances make Tally go find her. The Smoke is a hidden place, in which those who don't believe in the operation, can run away to. Special Circumstances is threatend by people who don't want the operation, because it mean they think for themselves.

The paragraph is supposed to be about the theme. What should I fix. What should I add? How would you refine it?

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  1. You have written a synopsis instead of describing the theme.  What is the theme -- isn't it the danger of  trying to conform to other peoples' expectations?  

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