When I was a child, approximately eight years old, one of my friends (who was three to four years older) decided to play "doctor" with me.. She and I got into an argument soon after and my parents would no longer allow her over. To put it nicely, doctor was an extremely fun game. So fun that I showed my best friend at the time (my cousin who was also four years older) the game. She and I basically fooled around and had an incestous relationship.This happened for two years, until she got a boyfriend. Years later, she married her boyfriend. I was in the wedding even though we weren't on best friend terms. One day, after her wedding rehearsal, I told her that I was a L*****n. She proceeded to tell me that she felt like it was a choice (which I feel is her way of saying that she acknowledges what we did as children but she isn't a L*****n). Fast forward two years, she now has a one year old child. I baby sat this week for a couple of days and wasn't really expecting pay. She drove me home and we talked about my relationships. She stated that she hopes I don't shut out my family like one of her g*y relatives did. She also admitted she was slightly bitter about it because of how it's destroyed her family, her aunt being ashamed of her homosexuality). She didn't want it to happen to me. Anyways, I came home and my friends called, inviting me to Panera with them. When I came home that evening, there was a gift card on my table. I opened it and it said, "Invite me when you go!" (The gift card was to Olive Garden). Part of me wants to run the other way, to pretend that I didn't read the card. Another part of me wants to accept her invitation into her life again. It's just, I'm not comfortable around her. I know that she most likely was bitter about what we did as children, I know that she could and should totally blame me, and I know that she has tried numerous times to get me to come see her. I just pull away so much because I'm afraid. What should I do? Invite her to lunch with me? Pretend I didn't get the card?
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