Question:

How would you respond to this situation?

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When I was a child, approximately eight years old, one of my friends (who was three to four years older) decided to play "doctor" with me.. She and I got into an argument soon after and my parents would no longer allow her over. To put it nicely, doctor was an extremely fun game. So fun that I showed my best friend at the time (my cousin who was also four years older) the game. She and I basically fooled around and had an incestous relationship.This happened for two years, until she got a boyfriend. Years later, she married her boyfriend. I was in the wedding even though we weren't on best friend terms. One day, after her wedding rehearsal, I told her that I was a L*****n. She proceeded to tell me that she felt like it was a choice (which I feel is her way of saying that she acknowledges what we did as children but she isn't a L*****n). Fast forward two years, she now has a one year old child. I baby sat this week for a couple of days and wasn't really expecting pay. She drove me home and we talked about my relationships. She stated that she hopes I don't shut out my family like one of her g*y relatives did. She also admitted she was slightly bitter about it because of how it's destroyed her family, her aunt being ashamed of her homosexuality). She didn't want it to happen to me. Anyways, I came home and my friends called, inviting me to Panera with them. When I came home that evening, there was a gift card on my table. I opened it and it said, "Invite me when you go!" (The gift card was to Olive Garden). Part of me wants to run the other way, to pretend that I didn't read the card. Another part of me wants to accept her invitation into her life again. It's just, I'm not comfortable around her. I know that she most likely was bitter about what we did as children, I know that she could and should totally blame me, and I know that she has tried numerous times to get me to come see her. I just pull away so much because I'm afraid. What should I do? Invite her to lunch with me? Pretend I didn't get the card?

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  1. she knows what she did and did, and most likely think it was just a kids thing...

    i don't think that she blames u or anything....

    but seems like u r trying 2 follow on ur other g*y relative who shut out her family...

    u r pretty much doing that if u just "pretend u didn't get the card"

    u would be pretty much closing the doors of ur life for ur cousin....

    it seems to me u r the 1 who's ashamed of having ever done things with her -but girl, u were just kids... u didn't know what u wer doing...

    but i would say think about whether u wanna keep her in ur life or not... if u don't want her in ur life... i would say be honest to her and tell her how u feel... if u do... then take her to olive garden!!


  2. Do what you feel is right. You make your own decisions in life. nobody else can make them for you.

  3. you should probably try to give her another chance, she knows shes made mistakes in the past, and it now seems like she wants to make up for them, don't shut her out.

  4. Personally, it sounds like she's trying to overcome some latent issues about the mixture of family and homosexuality. I don't know (obviously) how much the games from the past play into it, but if I were you, take to card, go to lunch, and reconnect. Nothing risked, nothing gained and all that. Besides, there's no guarantee that when and if you reconnect with her that there will be an instant "Best Friends Forever!!!!" connection.

    If it were me, I'd go to lunch and have a good time.

  5. you should do what makes you comfortable. I do not agree that she or you should totally blame you for what happened. it's not like you twisted  your arm and apparently she liked it since it continued for so long. Plus she's older than you and if anything, she should have had sense enough to not do it if she didn't want to.

    I found out the hard way that a lot of times, we put ourselves in uncomfortable situations for the sake of not wanting to hurt the other person's feelings or for some other crazy reason that isn't worth it. Only do what you feel comfortable doing.

  6. Pretending that you didn't get the card is probably the worst thing you could do... I say you take a pen and paper and write down exactly why you feel so guilty about this... you were young! You need to stop blaming yourself...

    It might take awhile, and it might take a lot of energy, but she obviously wants to repair what is broken. You should give this a shot!

    Good luck <3

  7. I would trust your gut instincts... There is a reason that you are not into the invitation. I would suggest meeting up for coffee and tell her you are not accepting the invitation and why. There is too much history between both of you and it needs healing and closure.

    You are an observant, intuitive soul... I would not be surprised if you are in the field of social work or sociology.

    good luck!

  8. very interesting story. you were little when that happened, regardless if you still feel uncomfortable around her, she's still gonna be around, she's your family. i think you should try and look passed that and go to lunch with her. she obviously doesn't see it as a problem anymore. and neither should you even though she has made a big impact on your life. you should really just go though. you can't reject your fears forever. best of luck to you.  

  9. She is family, and it seems that she is reaching out to you and telling you that she is fine with things.  Give it a try, but keep it at an appropriate level with her, and see how things go.

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