How would you say it? Could any native speakers of English help me with this?

Question

Please help me edit the passage below. Thank you very much in advance!

A Sense of Achievement is Very Important

I have taken part in International Marathon three times. I finished the first two within the set time, but I failed in the third one. Why? When I ran the first two, there was a road sign every kilometer, telling me how many kilometers I had covered. So I got a sense of achievement whenever I saw the road sign, more than forty times all the way. But when I ran my third marathon, there was only one road sign every ten kilometers, so I only got a sense of achievement four times. A marathon is a long long way. Only with a lasting sense of achievement can you persist to the end. Without a lasting sense of achievement, you give up very easily.

It is the same with learning English. Learning English is like a marathon. It takes years of hard work to speak good English. So you must do what you can to get a sense of achievement whenever you learn English; otherwise, you’ll give up easily. How do you find a sense of achievement when learning English? Just learn the English relating to what you say in your own life and what you think in your own mind.

Answer 1

the first paragraph is good :)

you just need to edit the second part. Sorry I don't think I can fix it for you cos your grammar is essentially correct. What you need to look at is the comparisons you're making. They don't really make much sense.

So far, you should try to answer Why

...learning English is like a marathon? (elaborate on it more)

I don't see how a sense of achievement can help you with English though so I think you'd better explain that a bit more.

And you're being a bit repetitive in the second paragraph...with all the just learn English stuff. Try to elaborate more on the hows.

hope this helps :)

Answer 2

Edits are in brackets..

A Sense of Achievement is Very Important

I have taken part in [an] [i]nternational [m]arathon three times. (Specifying the name of the marathon would put the name in caps.) I finished the first two within the set time, but I failed [to do so] in the third one. Why? When I ran the first two, there was a road sign every kilometer, telling me how many kilometers I had covered. So I got a sense of achievement [and motivation, perhaps? Just a suggestion..] whenever I saw the road sign, [which was] more than forty times [throughout the entire race]. [However,] when I ran my third marathon, there was only one road sign every ten kilometers, so I only got a sense of achievement four times. A marathon is a long[,] long way. Only with a lasting sense of achievement can you persist to the end. Without a lasting sense of achievement, you give up very easily.

It is the same with learning English. Learning English is like a marathon. It takes years of hard work to speak English [well]. So you must do what you can to get a sense of achievement whenever you learn English; otherwise, you’ll give up easily. How do you find a sense of achievement when learning English? Just learn the English [language and compare it] to what you say in your own life and what you think in your own mind [on a daily basis.]

Answer 3

I have taken part in an International Marathon three times. I finished the first two within the set time, but I failed in the third one. Why? When I ran the first two, there was a road sign every kilometer telling me how many kilometers I had covered. Because of this I got a sense of achievement whenever I saw the road sign - more than forty times all the way. But when I ran my third marathon, there were  road signs every ten kilometers, so I only got a sense of achievement four times. A marathon is a long, long way. Only with a continuous sense of achievement can you persist to the end. Without that continuous sense of achievement you give up very easily.

It is the same with learning English. Learning English is like a marathon. It takes years of hard work to speak English properly. You must do what you can to get a sense of achievement whenever you learn English. Otherwise, you will give up easily. How do you find a sense of achievement when learning English? By learning the English relating to what you say in your own life and what you think in your own mind.