How would you suggest punishment for bad grades?

Question

My daughter is generally an "A" student. I am extremely proud of her, but I got her report card in the mail today and she had a 78, 81 and 87. The 87 didn't bother me, but the other 2 grades are unacceptable. Her grades dropped from high "A's". I don't know if I should pull her out of Softball and Girl Scouts, or if I should be more upset with her teachers for not warning me...her progress report was all A's. I stay on top of her and it was a complete shock and disappointment to see these grades. I told her this was the first time she has ever disappointed me. Am I being too hard on her? She is in 6th grade.

Answer 1

ahahahhahah wow flashback im in eigth grade now and i use to be a high A student in elementary school but then sixth grade came and i was a "weirdo" i was fat and not athletic or cool in any sense maybe she just wants to fit in and feel accepted and sees that all the cool kids dont ace every test so she(your daughter) says oh,well, im gonna joke around this time and maybe miss a few this time or maybe she is infatuated with a boy and is completely off focus.  But i will tell you that it is good to stay on your daughter about getting her homework and studying done otherwise she will slack off and just begin to fail (thats what would happen to me) but dont b that lame parent that comes into you childs room without permission and starts hounding them to do their homework like a beetch. I suggest trying to convince to pick them up ask her whats wrong but dont use the phrase "disappointed in you" when confronting her because personally that hurts more than my mom saying "your really effing up"  just simply ask her whats going on and say well i do expect better from you and i want to know if you are struggling in school at all if you maybe you can talk to your teacher during homeroom or lunch when nobody is looking to get extra credit or possibly side tutoring.

Answer 2

When I was a kid, my punishment was no TV, no computor, and no phone on weekdays until grades went up.

Answer 3

First of all the word "unacceptable" should NOT be use in reference to grades.  I feel that this is a word that put way too much presure on kids to be "perfect".  I know that's not what you mean, but in the mind of a grade-schooler, that's how it's heard.  Second, I would definately be in contact with her teachers.  If her mid-term report was all A's, then something drastic has happened since then and you should have been notified before recieving this in the mail.... even if it was just something that the teacher noticed when averaging grades at the end of the term.  I'v always found that a drop in grades is usually a reflection of something else going on.  It could be as simple as spring fever, a crush on a boy or as bad as... well... the worse you can think of.  This brings me back to the use of the word "unacceptable".  A word that is this concrete could sort of build a wall that tells her that it's all black and white to you and that if things are good... they're good and if they're bad it's unacceptable.  I think it would be a better approach to let her know that you realize what a good student she is and for her grades to drop like this, you're concerned that something might be wrong.  My son's grades dropped last year like that and it turned out that there was a kid bullying him on the bus and he was so stressed out that it consumed him.  This kind of thing can really effect a kid's ability to focus.  We worked throught he bully thing and the grades went back up.  My point is that I know my son would have shut down and internalized the whole thing if I had come down on him for bad grades.  It sound like you have a good opportunity for a real heart to heart conversation.  Sure it may mean cutting back on after school activities, but dig into the situation and figure out why things have gone south before jumping into a punishment.  Good luck, I'm sure things will come back around!

Answer 4

I wouldn't take her out of Girl Scouts or Softball.  Those are wonderful extra curricular activities and taking her out of them would most likely not solve anything, just cause her to get angry.  The year is not over yet, and she can most likely raise her grades fairly quickly if she tries hard.

I suggest talking to your daughter and seeing why she thinks her grades have dropped.  She needs to figure out what she's doing wrong so she can fix it now.  

I would say a more reasonable punishment (if it is needed) is no TV or computer on school nights.  Grounding is also a good way to get her attention.  Taking her out of her activites is very permanent.

Answer 5

You shouldnt punish her for bad grades if she went from elementary to middle school and there are things she won't talk to you about with lots of pressure and you wont understand what she is going through

Answer 6

it is really hard to keep straight A's all the time i am sure you didnt in school let it go at least she isnt failing and she is trying and thats the main thing you shouldnt punish her for trying thats a lil harsh

Answer 7

Take away TV, computer and (if she has one)her phone for a little while and just pull her out of Girl Scouts for 2 weeks.

I know how it feels. I had to do this to my daughter last year. I punishned her way too severly(no TV or Computer or Friends for a month-until her progress report came out)and now I realized 2 wks. without privalages would have been just fine.

Also, do her teachers provide extra help? If so make her go. Also, talk to her. Be nice and calm and no yelling. Let her know it's important to do well in school and you are disapointed with her grades. Tell her to go to class prepared. You know what I bought my daughter? An 8-Pocket Folder for all of her subjects. Also, have her put her schedule in her locker so she knows what to grab each day. Come one day after school and help her organize a bit.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Wow, disapointed in grades.  Keep in mind that C is Average, which is what most teens want to be.  ESPECIALLY if she is in 6th grade, everyone knows grades don't matter until high school.  Instead of pushing for good grades, and punishing for bad, you should encourage other ways around it that encourage critical thinking, instead of just school/grades.  You should be doing things that she enjoys and gets really deep and passionate about, and let that passion spread over every bit of work that she does.  Otherwise when you stress on just grades, she will get burnt out and it will stress her mind out.

Answer 9

well i guess punishment like hurting her is a not a good thing since she'll just take it negatively and rebel against you.

try pep talking her and see how it will go.

though occasional spanking is necessary^^

Answer 10

Well sit her down and talk to her. Ask her if anything is wrong. I know from personal experience that if something is upsetting or wrong with the child, then they grades fall behind.

Don't make her feel so bad just yet, telling her your not happy is okay, but also tell her that you are worried about her and that you WANT to help her.

My parents went about dealing with me in HS the wrong way, yelling and making me feel like i couldn't do it anyway.

If your going so sit down for the conversation. DO NOT sit across the table from her, sit next to her and angle the chairs toward eachother, it is less intmidating and would make her likely to talk to you.

See what she says. If she is having trouble with the work, then help her, or get someone to help her. I wouldn't pull her out of her activities just yet. But warn her that next time you will pull her out.

I know one thing i hated that my mom did was get my teachers e-mail adresses && emailed them every friday for grades and updates. But i would DEFFINATELY recomend that you do that, it works.

Remeber also that she is in 6th grade, but that means that she is going to be a teenager soon, so she is already going through some of those changes.

One last thing.. don't make her afraid to talk to you, seems like once that is gone it doesn't ever come back.

Answer 11

Way too hard on her. Let her enjoy her childhood.

Answer 12

of course you are she needs to learn that you can't always be an A student but that doesn't mean that you should stop being on top of her to be all that she could be. support her through good grades and bad grade. it's part of growing up some times we parents need to grow up too. good luck to both

Answer 13

no u should ask her if thats her best and you dont know if she tried and just wasnt her day but my mom doesnt allow me to have cs either so you should talk to her and ask if her best but i wouldnt let it slide because if she is normaly a a student thats unusual

Answer 14

yeah, definately.

just lighten up if its the first time she's

ever gotten LOWER grades.

notice i didnt say LOW grades..

a B is still an above average grade.

i'm a freshman and

i have straight B's right now.

in my opinion, there's no need to

punish her at all,

because it wasnt like she wasnt giving her best effort.

plus she's only in 6th grade,

B's arent going to be the lowest grades you ever see her get.

wait until she's in highschool..

Answer 15

I don't think you're being too hard on her.  I've always believed that the more expected from a person, the better they perform.

She has shown that she is capable of better grades.  Were the subjects difficult for her or was she slacking off?

Was she in softball & girl scouts when she got the better grades?  If so, I wouldn't pull her out.

I guess I'd tell her that I'm disappointed with her grades & you'd like to know what she thinks is the problem.  If you think it's lack of studying then tell her that if her grades don't improve that she will have to drop one of the two activities.

Also, tell her you want to see any work she does after its graded so that you can keep up with it.

Answer 16

If this is the first time this has happened, try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Find out why this has happened and tell her that she needs to improve her grades and if she doesn't(give her a certain time period),then, she will not be able to continue in softball and girl scouts.And, please never tell her she is a disappointment to you. You could say her grades are very disappointing, but, never say she has disappointed you.At her age, I would guess she got her priorities mixed up with her social life and friends. Its normal, just, do what you have to do to get her back on track and keep her there.

Answer 17

Don't be so hard on her, try to remember that severe punishment can be more harming psychologically than you may realize.

Perhaps a more productive idea would be to set aside an hour a night to go through homework with her, and to make sure she understands everything.

If you insist on a punishment then have her read an hour a night, then explain to you what she had read. (trust me she won't be able to make up a story for long)

Answer 18

set aside about two hours every weekday to study so she can get her grades back up

=)

Answer 19

My son is also dropping grades and for the same reason.  He's forgetting to turn things in, and he seems to be a day dreamer.  He's a smart kid and so sweet...just a dreamer though.  I understand your frustration, but the best way to see if she would pull her grades is to motivate her.  But first you have to listen to her...beyond what she is saying, but REALLY listen to what she's not saying.  She already knows you're upset and she's beating herself up for it, right?  So offer rewards for her improvements.  Be creative, yet not too elaborate.  Really acknowledge her for her efforts.  If she has a set back,  keep up on the motivation.  With rewards, start on a daily basis if you have to, and then work towards weekly, then spread it out.  I told my son that if he gets everything turned in weekly, that I take him for ice cream at teh end of the week.  I get online and check his current progress with the website the school provides for the parents to see.  My son also knows that certain things would be taken away...like game time, if he gets sloppy with his organization.  Also, if he leaves a book at school that he needed for homework, I drive him back to school to get it.  I charge him for the gas.  There are consequences, but in life there always are if you choose not to go by the rules.  I hope this might have shed some light.

Answer 20

take away her most valued possession but ask her why they are slipping first because she may be needing some attention for something

Answer 21

No, leave her the extra curricular stuff, but cut into her TV time to raise the grades

Answer 22

Have a talk with her without allowing your emotions to interfere. There could be other reasons why her grades have dropped, maybe something as simple as she needs to be examined for glasses. Do not just assume she is not doing her best. If on the other hand it is merely she is too busy doing other things to get her work completed, limit outside activities until her grades are back up. Remember she is still a child, be thankful for her good grades and continue to work with her on the ones she dropped on. Even a 78 is not the end of the world.

Answer 23

you should definitely talk to the teacher and your daughter to see if those grades were unusual or if your daughter needs some extra help, a better spot in the house for homework, a less busy schedule, or the self confidence to expect the best from herself (and not just to make you proud)  

The grades aren't as important as the effort, creativity, and learning something.

Answer 24

no punishment - punishment makes kids get worse grades

Answer 25

Yes, you are being too hard on her. Why did her A's stop? Is she having some problems with school? Is she having problems at home. Tell her to get them back up to A's and giver her consequences if she doesn't do it.

Answer 26

First i would try to find out what the problem is.  When a straight A student has grades go down like that there is usually a problem.  It could be a problem at school that she isn't talking about or something so before deciding on discipline I would try to find the cause of the problem first.  Once you know the cause then you know how to adjust it to bring her grades back up.

Answer 27

The same age as my granddaughter, scouts, volleyball, & cathechism have had no effect on her A grades.  You need to make sure she has her homework done, & have an after school chat with those certain teachers, if you aren't getting the answers from your daughter.  My granddaughter was having some trouble with Math last fall until her Mom talked with her teacher.  Set up an appointment with them.

Answer 28

No punishment for bad grades. At least not till you find out why they happened. Talk to her and, after that, talk to her teachers.

She could be having any number of problems understanding her work or how to do it: how to manage her time, how best to study these different subjects, just not getting some key concept, she could even have a learning disability that is only appearing now. She might be having troubles with kids in the class -- like a bully -- or she might have a bum teacher. She could be becoming more interested in socializing and less in school at her age, but that's still something to talk about with her and help her handle.

What she is NOT doing is failing so as to get at you. No one likes to not do well. She is not doing it on purpose and she is not doing it to you.

Always remember: you are on her team.

By the way, her grades are not all that low. Didn't you have a few low ones in your school career? I think we all did.

Answer 29

i sorta think your being a little hard on her. the grades are unneceptable but im in 8th grade. & every now and then i get one or two bad grades. she can definitley get it back up! just ground i dont think you should go as far as pulling her out of her activities. just talk to her & be understanding. warn her that you she needs to raise her grades.

Answer 30

You don't want to be to hard on your daughter, that's not a good thing at all. Pulling her out of softball or girl scouts won't really do anything for her. Try talking to her about her grades, ask her what went wrong. Did she not turn in any papers, ect? Have her show you what she does at school everyday so you can make sure she's on top of everything! Good luck to you and your daughter!

(:

Answer 31

dont be hard on. she probably has some other unfound and unrecognized problem.

talk to her kindly and ask her if anytins troublin her.

be kind to her and let her share her problem but dont get angry watever she says.