How would you take this? Family problem?

Question

I have a ten year old son and he is at that age when the opposite s*x becomes an issue. About two weeks ago we were at my uncles house who has a 8 year old daughter. My little cousin. My son had spent the night and I went to go pick him up. I was in the back yard with my uncle and only there about 20-30 min when my little cousin came out and told my Uncle that my son asked to see her private and was following her around and kept on asking. I was shocked and upset but waited till they went in the house to talk to my son about what had happened. He said that she was telling him she saw her friends little brothers private and thats how the conversation got started and he just said that he had never seen a girls. He said that he never directly asked to see hers. However, she is saying that he did. Me, my uncle and the two kids talked about what happened even though she still claimed he was asking her and he said that he didn't, i thought we brought it to the end.

Answer 1

Think about this.  As much as you believe your own child, they believe their own child.  Think about it, how would you feel if the situation were reversed, and your son told you that she was trying to convince him to pull his pants down, and that she was chasing him until he did it.  You would feel the same way he did.

Now, the problem is, how do you get passed it?  I think the best way to get past it is to both all agree to disagree, and let them still be around each other as long as they are supervised.  Have another talk about it with everyone present if you need to.

Answer 2

Since your uncle is so sensitive to this issue you may want to sit this event out.  Besides you wouldn't want your son to feel uncomfortable.  But you need to use this event to sit your son down, you and his father and talk to him about sexuality.  He is obviously starting to get information and you don't want him to get the wrong attitudes and information.  So it sounds like it is time for the talk!!  Also, you are going to have to talk to your Uncle, around 7, 8, 9, 10 kids get curious about s*x its a nature thing.  Your uncle could be a tremendous help in this situation.  He has to realize that this is what kids do,  now is the opportunity to get them on the right path and collectively give them proper protocol and age appropriate information.

Answer 3

you should have a talk with the kids with both parents there, you and your son and your uncle w/ his daughter and both of you talk to the kids about the situation. They werent too young to know about their private parts so they're not too young to understand what you will tell them. Thats the best and quickest way to reolve the issue. That way the kids, your uncle and you will eventually forget about what happened and most importantly so will the kids

Answer 4

I think that is so horrible of your uncle to do! That is so typical of young kids at that age. They are so curious about things. I know I was, too. So, he wanted to see her privates. Big deal. It isn't like he forced her or anything. And you all did the right thing by talking about it and getting it sorted out. What else can you possibly do to make it right? There is no reason to punish your son. Your uncle needs to realize that he is just a child and by not allowing your family to come he is forcing your son away like he is not welcomed. That would make your son feel so awful, especially if your uncle keeps that up and treats him differently from now on. You definitely need to talk to him about it.

edit- I would tell him that you are part of the family and so is your son. Tell him that you had really been looking forward to the get together and so had your son. If he is that worried, tell him you will keep an eye on your son and his behavior. Even lie if you want and tell him you and your son discussed things further and he felt really bad and wants to appologize. Then if he doesn't give in I would get rude, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. He can't shun your son for such a stupid reason. I would probably show up with my son anyway. What would he say at that point, anyways? Plus you will have other family members on your side, too.

Answer 5

Oh nuh uh! I wouldn't take that bull-c**p! If my son were just curious, you know, thats one thing... but to ban him from his own family members house for a family reunion thing.... NO! Just have to keep a close eye on him, and that is IT! No reason to kick a loved one out of your house.

Seriously, Tell him, "My son may be curious, but he isn't a stalker! If you have a problem with him, then I have a problem with you." It's like, he doesn't even love him anymore because of that one thing.

Answer 6

ask him2 give him one more chance.its pretty normal4 that age.just explain2 him how wrong it is, and ask him2 apologize

Answer 7

man ur uncle is a fking as ho

dont blame ur self tho cuz it wasnt ur fault. i mean comon kids make mistakes. its not anyones fault. its kinda of a misunderstanding. i say just wait everyone will get over it. time heal bad memories.

Answer 8

This is tough because he is right on the line,agewise. Chalk it up to innocent curiosity but address it still. I understand why your uncle is nervous and I understand his tendency toward being overly protective rather than letting it go.

I was sexually abused by an older sibling who had plenty of credibility with my parents. It is frequent that mothers especially take their son's side in this type of accusation. That doesn't mean you are wrong to believe your son; just some insight into human nature. My mother still doesn't believe the accusations even though my sister was also a victim and corroborates the story.  I think even if there were videotaped evidence she would still either deny it or blame me and my sister, and while it hurts, I have to get over it.

I am not saying that your son is necessarily displaying any more than a typical level of curiosity about the opposite s*x. BUT use this opportunity to look at your son's life VERY closely; he is entering a phase of transition and probably increased privacy. What are his influences? what does he watch on t.v and see on the internet? Is he a loner at school and subject to ridicule and rejection? What is his general attitude and demeanor , and most importantly, how much time are you able to spend with him and control his influences and make these observations?

In the case of my abuser, had my parents taken the time to notice some of these problems when my brother was your son's age they could have intervened with counseling. Maybe even counseling for the whole family would have been appropriate, just to learn some more effective life strategies and shed some of the dysfunction that fed the problems we faced and haven't yet dealt with.

I don't know if it would have changed the outcome, but we might have increased our level of trust with one another so that we could address these types of things. Also, it could have been that my abuser was being abused. I might have been saved a lot of pain, confusion, self-loathing and poor decisions a lot earlier, but I thank God I'm addressing it now and becoming much healthier and happier.

I understand your desire to stand up for your son, it's part love and part pride. You should regard this situation with your uncle as secondary right now; your son is #1. Appreciate too that your uncle is just trying to protect his daughter and it was probably as uncomfortable for him as it was for you to disinvite you to the family gathering. Let him know that you just cannot be sure who is telling the truth because you weren't there (not even King Solomon could really tell) but that you are taking the situation seriously and getting some outside help to figure things out. And truly, this situation on its face tells us very little. You will have to do the tough work of trying to be both supportive but completely objective with your son, it is a tough balancing act and some family counseling might be in order. Use your best judgment.

Answer 9

I think the fact that he is older is putting him in the crapper anyway - I wouldn't sweat it - Your uncle is weirded out - and doesn't want to deal with the fact that his daughter is clearly curious too *denial* and girls advance much faster than boys so the age difference is no surprise to me..(hence her bringing it up - opening the door for your son to be comfortable talking to her about it and now using that against him - perhaps she's worried SHE'd get in trouble)........I know we had a girl on our block 2 yrs younger than my son and she kept trying to watch him when he went to the bathroom - we just wouldn't let them be alone. Mind you her parents let her watch "American pie" the unrated version at the age of 5 - so you can well imagine what kind of things SHE's seen at a young age...........

As far as your son not being welcome in their home? I take that as a YOU are not welcome in their home - stick up for your son - it's not like you're going to lock them in a room together during dinner........the WHOLE family is going to be there so unless he's going to whip it out and show her and ALL he guests - I don't see there being an issue...........

HHHmmmmm..........to me this "girl" sounds like a $hit disturber - and will likely get worse as she gets older .............might be better to keep your kid away.............

Answer 10

you believe your son,that's good...call your uncle and tell him how you feel and how it is making your son feel and also say you understand how it makes his daughter feel...say you have talked to your son and explained everything to him.

you have to understand that he believes his daughter as much as you believe your son so I don't think there will be a "winner" just a compromise....if he doesn't want your son there fine don't go,and if your family asks why send tell them to ask your uncle then to get back to you....good luck.....

but seriously if this happened to me I would still invite your son,but make sure all the children activities are where there are adults to supervise...and since I know you had a talk with him I trust he would not do it again...