Hows this poem?

Question

i wrote a really lame poem (with bad spelling and grammar of course)

Enjoy!

The ground is cold the sky is dull

I guess this is the end my love

you're voice was soft you're eyes were warm

but all that's left now i your cold form

your presence was calm you're laughter kind

but all thats left now is your slimy grind

your skin was soft your hands weren't cold

but all thats left now is a bunch of mold

you took my heart the day you left tis earth

i guess i never realized how much to me you were worth

my heart has a ache

this feeling I will never shake

how much i loved you so and now i feel i must let you go

After all thats now gone i fear i must move on

It's amazing my dear how much i feared, but at least i know that deep inside my heart you will always be near

Answer 1

It's okay but...

I could have done without the slimy, mold part.  It turned your beautifully worded poem into something crude.  Maybe that was what you where shooting for?  Shock value maybe?

Sorry, just my opinion.

Answer 2

its alright..

Answer 3

i liked it, i could really feel that this poem was written for maybe someone you knew, but one thing that i thought you could change is, you had short rhyming (sorta) lines in the beggining that had a rhythm, but toward the end it sounded like the lines got longer and you lost your metter. if you didnt know you did that or werent sure about it practice keeping the poem in metter. hope it helped i did like it.