Huaband joining the army?

Question

My husband is joining the military and I do not fully support him. We have spoken about this many times. I am currently working on getting my bachelors degree in history and the problem is I cannot be going from college to college because some credits will not transfer. I need to finish it up at the same school. He does not seem to care. He says it is his career that matters and I should support him. But then I say I refuse to work in a field that you do not need a degree for and he says that is selfish that I then refuse to work. I will not have children with this man because he hates children which is fine. We talked about that before we got married, but this one never came up with him joining the army.

Answer 1

Well when he joins the Army, he will have to go to Basic and School before he is stationed to his first duty station, so you will have a few months before you would even have to move. And depending how many more years of school you have, stay behind, finish school and then move to where ever he is at when your done. You can make it work. And joining the Army he will be making a great life for the both of you. You won't  have to pay for housing or food, you get great benefits, and he's serving our country. And you will still get to do what you want. So relax. It will be a good thing!

Answer 2

I'll give you the same advice I give to people who are contemplating joining the military.

Go look in a mirror. See that girl? She's going to be with you for the duration. Family, friends, loved ones, kibitzers like me, we're going to come and go. But that girl's always going to be there. She's the only one you absolutely have to make happy.

Secondly: in the military young marriages have one of the highest casualty rates. Marriage is a pretty dicey thing at best. Add the strain of deployment, and uncertainty; add the financial strain; add the opportunity for cheating (on both sides); and the military sometimes isn't all that conducive to a happy marriage. A lot do survive, but some don't.

Think about it. Make the best decision you can.

Afraid to make the wrong decision? You're going to make some. You're human. Every once in a while take a good look at the girl in the mirror. She knows whether or not you're doing your best. If she's smiling back at you... most of the time... you're doing ok.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear of your situation.  What exactly is your question though, it appears to me that you want someone to vindicate you and take your side.

I'm sorry, but you are probably going to have to leave this guy.  He lied to you before you were married and is now taking advantage of your love.

You certainly need to finish school, and you can do that apart.  Especially when you think that he will have about 6 months of Basic and AIT and then a 1 year deployment to Iraq or Afghanistan.  When he returns you would be close to a semester away from finishing school.

Unfortunately, the Army likes to build posts that are a million miles from decent paying jobs.  So, even if you were to finish school, the odds of you finding a job that can use your degree and will pay more than $7.00 an hour is probably pretty slim.

Answer 4

Your married life is going to be in turmoil for the first year, probably the first 2 years after your husband joins the military.  Reason:  All the training that he will have to go through is going to involve multiple moves around the country for basic training, initial specialty school and any other training that he will have to attend for his MOS.  So, if you wanted to finish school in one location, you could probably stay put while your husband completes all this.  Additionally, since about 95% of the Army has done a tour in Iraq, Afghanistan, or both, get ready for him to be deployed for a year to 18 months within the first 2 or 3 years of his enlistment.  

On the bright side, there are many universities that align themselves to assist military members and their families get degrees.  For a degree in history, since it doesn't require specific hands-on labs or anything, you will probably be able to find a school that will accept most or all of the credits you have already completed and let you complete the degree at the post you end up at.  

All in all, this guy sounds like a total a$$ to me.  Sounds like he is going to expect you to support him exclusively - without any support in return.  Good luck with that.    

Answer 5

I think, the issue is far larger than the fact that your husband is joining the Army.  Since he is not here to defend himself, I will just list the facts and let you decide what it means.

For a sake of this discussion, let's forget the choice of his carrier is military.  Let's say it is a job "A".

He decided he needs to get this job "A" and he will get this job "A" regardless of your needs and objections.  He further demands you support him by sacrificing your own goals.  According to you, he will accept no arguments or discussions.  

On the other hand....  you have your goal set in finishing your degree without delay.  Are you saying without this degree, you cannot get into a new carrier, or are you saying it will affect advancing in your chosen carrier??  What is the real reason you cannot put this on hold?  (I am not suggesting you should... this is a thought process)

The chosen job being an army, there are other considerations such as need of the country and his patriotism.  However, between two of you, the largest issue is your marriage and the common goal.  Obviously, he does not agree with this.  Then, you will have to re-evaluate what all this means.

From distance, the issue appears to be his stubbornness in having his goal as #1 and also both of your failure to communicate.  But... that's for both of you to decide.

Answer 6

You should support him. But, he should also let you finish your bachelor's degree since that's what you want for your life and if you're going to support him joining the Army for his life, he should support you too.

Figure out a way to meet him half way. Take courses online. Make him wait a little longer before joining (so you can finish getting your degree). Or, just look into another college.

Good luck

Answer 7

FINISH YOUR SCHOOLING THATS THE BEST FOR YOU AND LET HIM JOIN BUT YOU STAY WHERE YOUR AT TILL YOUR FINISHED SCHOOL THAT WOULD BE A WAIST TO HAVE TO START AGAIN FOR CREDITS WHEN HE WILL BE MOST LIKELY IN IRAC WITH IN THE YEAR ANY HOW  

Answer 8

Basically you either learn to support him, make a compromise, or choose to either just not live together or get a divorce. Maybe he joins as a reservist? If he wants to be a lifer then maybe he can join as a reservist and go active once you complete your bachelors degree. Or, have him look for MOS's that will station him at a local base.

In the army if you choose your MOS the recruiter can show him exactly when and where he'll go to basic training, where he'll be at for AIT, where he'll be stationed at after wards. Also, you only move around every 3 yrs which isn't that bad. If he was stationed at a base near where your currently located then it would give you plenty of time to finish your degree (10 weeks of basic, AIT time, & 3 yrs).

There are plenty of us (girlfriends, boyfriends, fiances, & spouses) who live a military lifestyle. We move around with them, we support them, we love and encourage them. And yet we still have our own lives. I'm earning my degree but my boyfriend is getting moved in 2 years so he's asking for an extension. Otherwise I'll stay at school for a year and fly out to see him where ever he gets stationed next. So... If you really love your husband then you'll make it work.

Answer 9

I know what your going through  I felt the same way about my husband. But he did join anyway, you know it's fine if you stay home and finish your degree, I can see that school is very important to you! Now remember between basic, and ait your looking at about 4 months, but that all depends on the mos he picks, my husband was gone for 6 months just for training. Maybe talk to your counselor and see what they can do! The army is a big deal, maybe you should actually talk to your husband instead of blaming, and fighting blah blah blah, and see what you guys can figure out together! and i know how you feel about leaving your family, but hunny your married now he is your family. For better or Worse remember!!

Answer 10

He says you are being selfish? I think he is. If he insists on joining the Army without considering your goals and feeling, you are not the one being selfish.

Let him join the army and tell him that you are going to stay where you are to finish your degree. When you graduate, you will then move to where he is stationed. If he gets stationed overseas you would be having a long distance relationship anyway so what is the difference where you are.

Answer 11

my dad is in the air force and it has been great, my mom went to college on the internet...you can support him for now because he has all that basic training to do, you might get through college before you have to move around (as for me i love to move around and people make allot of exceptions for people in the military  

Answer 12

Well since the war is on, he will be deployed, you can choose to live apart, he can live in the barracks and you can stay where you are until you finish up your degree and then tell him you will join him. There is always that option. Some, tho they are few, couple do that, I knew a couple that did that one was g*y and one was hetersexual and they were just collecting the housing money and sharing it and living apart. Funny that the army had not caught on, but your situation is differant, you want to finish up your career and he can live in the barracks, if he agrees to this, he can get a waiver or something to liv eint he barracks as a displaced bachlor and you can stay in school where you are, unitl you finish, your husband may even be able to egt on the housing list which takes a few years anyways or get a house off post until you get your degree.  

Answer 13

you should support him thats a very big decision and if its what he wants to do you shouldnt crush his dreams. you dont have to move just because hes in the army... stay where you are and let him enlist.

Answer 14

Each instillation has an Education Center.  At the Ed Center you can look into finishing your educaiton.  I think your husband is trying to do what is best for the family right now.  If you are not working, he, as a man wants to provide, apparently, his current job does not make him feel like he is providing, therefore he wants to join a job that has a steady pay check and free health and dental care.  Marriage is about compromise, if you are not going to leave your family, what are you complaining about?  Pack your c**p and follow your husband.  Yes, he should consider your schooling, but apparently he feels the need to go right now.  Not all decisions are made before you are married. Or you can stay where you are and finish your degree...but me personally I am going everywhere my husband goes, unless absolutely not possible.

Answer 15

Your right to an education and a good job are just as important as his.

With a man this bull-headed and unwilling to discuss major marital problems, I'd say this is  a dealbreaker.  Separate with no promises of eventual reconciliation.

TX Mom

Answer 16

i dont understand how him joining the military will affect your career ...?

Answer 17

maybe he is trying to finish his dream......why not support him?  if you are truley in love then this will work.  ssg schramm 16 years marriage & Army

Answer 18

You don't have to live with him. He can live in the barracks until you get your degree.

Your best bet might be to divorce him and find some guy that isn't so selfish.

A fighting man does not need to be married.  When I was in the French Foreign Legion (Legion Etrangere) a married man could not join.  Here is what they tell a prospective legionaire:

There are several things to consider before making the leap from simply thinking of joining the Legion, to actually travelling to France and enlisting at a recruiting centre:

• Appraise your physical condition. Activities in the Legion tax your physical endurance and abilities to the maximum. The most important physical requirement is running. You must  be able to run at least 10 kilometres with ease. Medical problems of any nature will almost surely disqualify you. Even seemingly minor issues such as poor eyesight can prevent you from being accepted. Recommended minimum physical prerequisites are:

- 30 pushups.

- 50 situps.

- Climb a 20 foot rope without using your feet.

- Run 8 kilometres with a 12 kilogram rucksack in less than one hour.

- 8 chinups with your palms away from you as you grip the bar.

• The age range for joining is 18 to 40.

• You can't join if you're married.

Answer 19

Maybe the one thing that you both are overlooking is the fact that from the time he leaves for basic then goes to "A" school, depending on his field of choice, there will be close to a year eaten up in training alone.

Most, if not all of this time he can not have family living with him anyway, so you will not be moving during that time. By then you should have most of your classes complete except for the final few credits.

It is true that some,very few, credits are transferable but the majority are and if you really want to follow your dreams as well as support his as well there is always a way.

Answer 20

Which came first, the schooling or the Army? If you were in school before he joined the Army then continue with your schooling and join him when you have your degree. Selfish is as selfish does. Since there are not going to be any children to care for, then your life work is as important as his unless you plan to spend your life walking 3 steps behind him for no reason. If fact with a degree your work will probably bring in more money than his career in the Army.