Hubby is working in Iraq and suddenly wants a divorce. What should I do? ?

Question

All of you have so much to offer and thank you for your honesty. It really was a total surprise. He is not one to have an affair but I could see it as a possibility purely for the s*x. Don't know how troops deal with it over there when their loved ones are in the US. All I hear in his messages is pain. He said he has seen some nasty things over there which changed his perspective. He also he really doesn't know too many over there - he is alone and learning to cope. If I had known what I know now, I wouldn't have let him leave. Just trying to be a supportive spouse. He took care of me after have been sick with cancer for 5 years and I am normally the caretaker in the relationship. He was drained and hence the reason for the travel. Just didn't expect this extra bit.

Answer 1

If you dont want to give up on him tell him no!

But if you want to move on and grant him what he want.

So sad  after 18 years

What a fool

Answer 2

it does sound very random of your husband, could be lots of reasons, maybe it's killing him leaving you on your own for so long, maybe he feels he has to do you a favour and let you go free, maybe he hates this life he's giving you never being there for you, guilt can do strange things to people and speaking of guilt I dont want to assume and I'm not saying this is the reason but maybe a possibility, he could have cheated, I hope he hasn't and he may not have but if he did maybe the guilt is so bad he cant deal with it so his answer is to leave you without an explanation that way you dont remember him as a cheat. To me it sounds like he is just having a really rough time over there, his mind is playing tricks on him he could even be scared your cheating on him and wants to leave you before it happens. Unfortunately the only way to solve this is to talk but i understand thats impossible.  

Answer 3

Hmm,  a friend of mine was in the same siuation as you.  He was in the airforce and went to Iraq for 4 months,  4 weeks before he was due to come home he left a message on the answering machine wanting a divorce.

My friend was shocked as she thought they had been happily marrried for 18 years.

The husband wanted a divorce asap and property settlement asap,  in which he was quite generous.

I suggested he met another women,  my friend said no way,  he wouldn't do that,  shortly after the divorce he moved to germany and addmitted to having an affair and is now married to that other women

Answer 4

My husband was in Iraq and he cheated on me when he was online and before he left. So it sounds like there might be some other women. I'm sry god 18 years wow to just throw away what a pig. Hun you will be ok. He is no man to do that to his wife!

If he can just throw away 18 yrs you deserve someone better. You still have a life to live. Once you get through this do for yourself what you want and date around and be happy.

So what should you do if it were me I would let him go. I would be so hurt and confused by how all of a sudden someone could just toss me to the side like I'm nothing.

My uncle was going to take a job over there as a civilian and my aunt said noway! She is on forums all the time and spouses cheat and everything else. So I don't blame her for not letting him, but dear talk to him soon and maybe you can find out what in the wold is going on here.

Answer 5

Tell him you will discuss this when he gets home & not until then.  If he is a civilian he is not exactly out in the fields fighting, maybe he is interest in a co-worker, or maybe someone is informing him on your behavior while he has been gone.  Him leaving this on a voice-mail is really chicken of him so my gut tells me he is guilty of a extra marital affair.  

Answer 6

he's bogus fo doing that over the voicemail  

Answer 7

You tell him wars like this suck and you're not a stupid girl and you know he got another chick and you are not going to grant him divorce and will do what you can to take him to the cleaners in alimony especially for infidelity! Tell him shame on him to his parents and ancestors for acting like a dirty dog coward and remind him this is why people all over the world hate Americans because men like him act like shallow idiot cowards with no respect and you hope he gets an STD from his new w***e homewrecker! You tell him to get his butt home ASAP!

Answer 8

Seek counseling and do not give into the divorce without trying to save your marriage. He may have met someone else, but he owes you the rest of the story on what is going on with him and what happened.

Answer 9

You refer to him as a beautiful person. He sounds like a coward to me. You don't spend 18 years with your wife and then tell her in a voice mail that you want a divorce.

How old is your husband? Forty something? Sounds like a mid life crisis and maybe he has found some young thing to make him feel young again.

I know you have 18 years invested into this man, but do you honestly want to be married to someone who is so heartless and such a coward to dump you the way he did?

It isn't wise to try to hold on to someone who says he doesn't want you anymore. The more you try to get him to stay with you, the more trapped he will feel and want to leave you even more.

I know this would be very hard for you, but try to play it cool. Tell him if he wants a divorce then fine. Your life has been on hold and now you can get on with your new life. DO NOT beg him not to divorce you. Who knows maybe when he sees that it's easy for you to let him go, he might think twice before leaving you. If that doesn't change the situation, then at least you can leave with your pride and your head held up high. Some day when he sees what a strong woman you really are, he may realize what a mistake he made by leaving you.

Answer 10

In my personal experiences (and no offense toward men in general) -- but men seem to get bold and kick you to the curb ONLY when another woman is involved.

This sudden behavior on his part is just evidence of a change in his life...

If I were you, I would try to talk to him though. -- You have been married for 18 years. See what's up. I think it's another woman -- but it could be something else - maybe a problem with  his health or just him being gone for so long - I always have to give the benefit of the doubt.

I wish you the best.

Answer 11

You have every right to know what's going on. But him leaving it on your voicemail tells you that he is coward to ask you or talk to you about it.

Give him time. Don't respond yet. Wait till he comes to you again about it and then talk when he's ready.

Living in Iraq is one thing. He is probably going through some stress or unstable outlook in life.

Of course, prepare yourself to what is coming also. Men, they are very very unpredictable and impulsive with their decisions in life. Who knows what's coming next.

Answer 12

you make it sound like you are clueless to why he would want a divorce you must have some kind of idea he wasn't happy.

Answer 13

Somethings up and it could just be he may be going through a difficult time.  Definitely contact him, and let him know that you are not giving up that easy and neither is he !!  Tell him what you are telling us, that he was the same beautiful person for weeks and all of a sudden asks for a divorce after almost 18 years ?!  

I wish you luck.