Huge Wedding Problem, Need Advice!!?

Question

I am getting married soon and I have been planning my wedding, but I have run into a huge speed bump, I grew up a strict Protestant, and I have strong beliefs and I don't want to get married anywhere but a church and have a minister there, my fiance in the other hand and his whole family are really strong Agnostics, and my fiance is putting his foot down saying he will not get married in a church and its getting me upset, and his family is freaking out that I want the wedding ceremony in a church, what should I do, I have put so much into this and I love him and want to marry him but I can't just put my religion and my beliefs aside for him. Do I call it off with this kind of problem or what ?

Answer 1

This is about more than where the ceremony would be.

You and he are not a match on very core beliefs, so you have to see where that would take you. It would affect how you two will view your marriage, how children would be raised and in what faith, what will happen with holidays, etc. and basically the tenor of the relationship.

So you two have some serious talking to do, and maybe some premarital counselling.

Answer 2

This is not just about the wedding ceremony and what shape it will take, this is about a whole lifetime you are planning to spend with this guy.  Ask yourself not whether you'll tie the knot inside or outside a church, but whether you can see yourself in a lasting marriage with someone whose beliefs are so fundamentally different from yours.

Answer 3

Just remember its not where you get married its just that you love each other.

I cant tell you what to pick because its your wedding, but i say JUST you and him sit down and really talk about it.

And noo dont call it off for something like this!

Good luck and congrats!!

Answer 4

Ok, did your premarital counselling look at religion at all? If it didn't then I would recommend having another session to discuss issues in a mixed-faith marriage, because this is a problem that goes far beyond the wedding. You two need to have a discussion of this and find a common ground that you can compromise on. Like earlier posters said, this will only get worse, not better, when you have kids.

Figure out NOW if you two can work out a mutually satisfactory solution, because you sure don't want to discover ten years down the road that you can't.

Answer 5

Hi, YES, this is a huge problem.  Arguing and fighting over religion, I am sorry to say, is a MAJOR problem in marriages.

You should NOT have to change.  Question:  What is going to happen when you have children?  Is he going to put his foot down then and not let you bring your children to church?  Have them baptized?  Have them be involved with the church youth group?

This is a major problem and I would postpone the rest of the wedding planning and try to work this out.

Question #2:  Why is this just coming up now?  Didn't you/he know from the start that you had this disagreement?  You say you are "getting married soon" and that you have "put so much into this."  Seems to me like this religion issue should have been the FIRST thing to discuss before any wedding planning went forward.

Answer 6

If neither you nor him are able to compromise on this, it is only going to get worse once you have children etc. You both need to respect one another's beliefs.

Could you have a pastor marry you in a civil location such as a garden or something as a compromise?

Answer 7

It's not the wedding, It's the marriage that matters most

Answer 8

Sounds like its Nietzsche vs Thoreau yet again.

Any man or woman that does not respect one another whether it is religious or not, is not worth it.  Remember this is YOUR life and cetainly not your "In Law Family".  You have one time to walk Earth, don't make the wrong choices.

Take a breather, re-evaluate.  Trust your gut feeling.  

Take it for what it is worth.  If the wedding location is an issue in your life now and causing havoc, imagine what it will be later in life, when REAL problems arise.  Run, run, run.

Care and luck,

Answer 9

This is just the beginning of problems to come.  Because if you disagree about the ceremony site, then you will probably disagree on everything else associated with your wedding.

Either you get married at a site that is acceptable to both of you (a park, a bed and breakfast, a country inn, a resort, the beach, a hotel, a country club, etc) OR you go your separate ways.

Answered by:  A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 10

Coming from someone who is not Protestant, Christian, ect. I understand where he is coming from - but I also understand where you are coming from as well. I'm sure he's not doing it to spite you, he's probably just very uncomfortable in a church. Would he marry outside of the church? I would try compromising with each other and I'm sure something will work out.

Answer 11

Are you prepared to have agnostics/athiests as children? If he won't get married in a church, he may not "allow" the kids to go to church or get baptized either. Your differences here are much deeper than you think. Sure you could give in and get married somewhere else, but you will regret it and resent him. Not a good way to start a marriage. If he is agnostic, why is he so Anti-church? What does he care? Why can't he bend a little for his bride? He does not sound like a good choice for you. I would have to say.... run for the hills! He is too controlling. Unless you stand up for yourself and show him that your wants are just as important, and have him compromise by getting married in a sanctuary of some sort, then you will be facing a lifetime with a man who has shown you from day one that his wants are more important than yours. You will see the pattern that your life will be all about him.  

Answer 12

You guys should have discussed this issue as early as possible, but now both of you have to compromise and do what is best for both of you. A wedding is a best thing especially for women. I think he should let you have the wedding of your dream, let him go to church just this once for you. You love him, he loves you its all that matter.

Answer 13

This is the first of many disagreements you will have based on your separate beliefs. I would seriously consider whether or not you can handle a lifetime of this. What about when Sunday rolls around every week and you have to go to church by yourself? Or when you have children and you can't decide how to raise them together, being that your beliefs are so different?  

Answer 14

There is a reason why the Bible warns Christians not to marry people who do not share their beliefs. In fact, depending on your specific church, it might be hard to find a minister to perform the service. Like others have pointed out, I must remind you that this issue will only get worse. I understand that you love him. Maybe you need to call off the wedding for now and spend some time praying for him to have a change of heart. You need time to figure out what God's will is on this.