Husband's mom is SUPER JEALOUS. What should I do?

Question

I can list the things she's jealous over:

1. We still have some freedom and aren't tied down by having 4 kids (like her). We only have one child that's still a baby.

2.We have a nice house that we're comfortable living in. It's extremely clean and her house is devastating. She made several statements concerning that she would like to move because she cannot stand to live there while fixing it up. She is going to sell her house for thousands less than it's worth so she can get out of there.

3. My husband is self-employed and makes his own hours, sets his own pay, and is very happy. She is tied down to a 9-5 job that pays $12 an hour, she has to work two weekends a month just to put food on the table and pay the electric bill once and a while.

4. We have nice things and we take care of them. She never raised her children to respect their belongings. She's always looking at our things and commenting on how nice and where did we get it, how much did it cost.. practically asking if we'll take her to the store and show her where she can buy it.

5. My husband spoke of clearing the back yard so we can install a pool. The next week, she had her boyfriend buy the kids a tiny 8 foot circular pool that's 2 feet deep. My husband and I saved up our money and bought a 13 foot circular, metal frame, 4 foot deep pool. She asks us how to maintain her pool *she only wanted one because we were getting one* and calls to complain that the water went brown/green and that WE should buy her a pool cover because we have one for our pool.

Now sometimes, it's harmless and flattering that she's so jealous. Sometimes, it's downright annoying. She comments and says that we blow our money (she's envious and pissed that she can't live like her son and his wife live). She's very unpredictable with what jealous remark she'll make next. I do my best to keep her out of our house because she'll do things that aren't favorable.

Answer 1

Your attitude bugs me worse than hers.  Honor thy mother and father........you seem almost snotty and condescending.  She's working her butt off to make ends meet, and you are belittling her and her hard work.  If my mother in law was working so hard to make ends meet, I'd be going out of my way to do nice things for her to try to make her life easier.  She wouldn't be jealous of my THINGS because she would know that my THINGS aren't really that important to me anyway.  

Get over yourself and learn a little humility.

Answer 2

My question is why isn't your husband giving his poor mother a handout? It sounds to me as if your glad she is having a hard time, i hope my sons don't ever marry a women like you!

Answer 3

That's her problem, not yours. She should be happy for her son and it's selfish of her to not be. She is insecure, therefore she cannot be proud of her son's progress and his desire for a better life. She cannot stand seeing him possess more than what she has.

Don't let her get to you, she has issues she must work through.;0)

Answer 4

you can't control how other people feel.  If it wasn't you then it would be her neighbors or someone else she would be envious of.

Just ignore her.  It doesn't matter who she is, as long as you don't owe her money it's none of her business how much money you make or how much your stuff costs or where you choose to spend it.  Just smile and change the subject or ignore the question.  (even if you did owe her money it's still none of her business, it only becomes a concern when you owe her but you're still spending on other stuff and not paying her).

there is no reason for you to get all bent out of joint over her envy or nosiness.  You just ignore it and don't respond.

Answer 5

I like how you toot your own horn in 5 different drawn out examples, then write an itty bitty paragraph about your MIL being jealous.  

Answer 6

Relax and don't let it bother you too much just enjoy your life instead of complaining about some miserable old lady.  Look how much time and effort you are spending on complaining

EDIT  after reading all your additional comments I agree with the people who think you are full of yourself.  I am sure your family must be perfect to have produced you.

Answer 7

Woe, I've never been the type that was so full of myself.  So, it's hard to comment to those who are!

Answer 8

there is nothing you can do about it, so get used to it.

Answer 9

I've had problems with my mother-in-law too. I think they were mainly because my husband is her only boy, and because I'm a good cook, which she's not. The way things became a bit better between us was after I approached her and asked her if she had any problems with me because I had noticed how indifferent she had been towards me. To my surprise she was receptive, and although she completely denied her behavior, our conversation seemed to have helped just a bit. If you have that kind of trust/relationship where you can invite your mother-in-law out for a coffee or something, ask if she has anything against you because you've noticed that she behaves in such and such manner. Ask her to please be fully open with you as you will be with her. Tell her that you don't want to have any more issues such as the ones you've explained because she's your hubby's mother and want to have a good relationship and live in harmony. The bottom line is to ask her to be completely true to herself and you; to be completely honest. Another thing, don't always tell her about your plans/ideas, or about things you bought or will buy. Just do your things and try not to "show off". If she asks, then answer in the simplest terms without too much details or arrogance. I wish you good luck!

Answer 10

"Someone" is MIGHTY into themselves, and I ain't sayin' who!

Just saying....

ADD ON- You want to talk about deadly sins?  Why don't you start with PRIDE!!!!!

Answer 11

My MIL have butted heads over similar situations.  It helped me just to realize that she's older and probably dissatisfied at the way her life has turned out.  She's unhappy and has difficulty dealing with it, so she comes across as bitter, jealous and resentful.

It sounds like you're trying not to be offended by her comments; that's good.  She won't be around forever and she is the mother of your husband, so she must have done something right, yes?  Let her know how much you appreciate how she raised her son to be the perfect man for you.

In short, look for the positives and try to make her feel loved and appreciated.  (That's what we all want, isn't it?) Fake it until you learn to see past her faults to her soul as a needy, imperfect human being. She's older and will be facing her own mortality soon.  I'm sure she'd just like to know that she's loved and her life (as miserable as it may seem to you) somehow mattered and meant something.

If possible, do something nice for her every now and then to meet one of the needs you say she has: help fix up her house or buy her some groceries, etc.  Solicit the help of your brother/sister-in-laws, too.  Sounds like she works very hard and has little to show for it.  If you help make her life more pleasant, you'll also help her realize that she's loved and appreciated and that's the point.

ADDITIONAL INFO:

Envy is a deadly sin, but be careful when judging this situation because pride is a sin, too.  As a matter of fact, I believe that virtually every form of sin can be traced back to pride.

STILL MORE:

When we're taught to "take pride in our work," what is meant is to do the task competently and with integrity, not to be puffed up and boastful about the great job we've just done.  There's a difference in the underlying meaning.

Answer 12

you sound petty.

why are you comparing yourself to your mil?

so what if she doesn't have nice things and comments on yours?

what you should do is stop using words like super jealous...

EDIT:  you should have someone read this back to you.  then you can hear what you really sound like.....it's defintely not pride.  you should be more humble.  you never know when you can lose it all.