Question:

Husband Expectations?

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If a husband works two jobs, drives an hour each way to work and the mother is a stay at home mom should the husband still be expected to clean up the house on his only days off ? Also, should she complain if he wants to watch ten minutes of tv every so often and sometimes doesn't put his clothes in the hamper? Should relations only be when she is in the mood? I think I already know the answers to these questions. I'm the human doormat.

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lol...it should be together, I understand that he works two jobs, but the thing is a stay at home mom, is just like having a job out in the workforce. You only get a break here and there. He should put his clothes in the hamper, when they are dirty, but watching ten minutes of tv isn't going to kill anyone. If they both work together and pick up stuff everyday for a few minutes it won't take a long time to keep the house clean, and his day's off they could enjoy time together.
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It sounds like it but by the same token you haven't given us a clear picture of what your wife is dealing with. It is one thing if there are NO kids present or 1 - 2 (in which she should be able to handle it) but if she is trying to juggle 3+ children than her day is just as filled / hard working as yours (so in that case, than why doesn't she deserve time off)?
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No my husband works and I stay home I don't feel he should have to do anything in the home. I paint the house my self lay the floors cook clean take care of the kids and everything take out garbage what ever. The only thing I ask is that he help if a time comes up there is something that I can not do but so far I have managed. I do want to add when I was working full time he did help some of course I did more but I was ok with that because he did make an effort. Sometimes that all we are really looking for is you making an effort to help.
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While I agree if you work a busy schedule your wife should cut you some slack on the chores, and let you watch a bit of tv. But, you can put your own clothes in the hamper, it takes all of a minute. It's not unreasonable for her to ask you to do something around the house once in a while, like cut the grass, take out the trash. And your can't force your wife to have relations with you, so yes only when she is in the mood. You don't like that she forces you to do housework how do you think she would feel if you forced her to have s*x with you?
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You sound unhappy and i think you should discuss this with your partner, if she home all day then she has to make sure the house is clean, its your right to get ten minutes or more than of tv, and if you don't put your clothes in the hamper,she should do it.More importantly, relations should just not be when she is in the mood because it takes two, above all i think you should discuss this like two grown ups.
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Do you really need someone else to confirm what is painfully clear?

Are you a man or a mouse? IF you act like a mouse, your woman will treat you as such....if you act like a MAN, then you may get some respect!

Tell her you have been working all day and aren't cleaning s hit when you get home! When you want s*x, don't act like a shy little boy....grab her and get her in the mood!
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i bet she does a lot of work too so stop whining
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An effort to help out would be appreciated, I'm sure. But if a guy is working 2 jobs and commuting he deserves a a little time to spend the way he wants. The wife is probably bored with no husband at home and doesn't see things from the husbands point of view. And he doesn't probably see where she is coming from.
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Why did you marry an American woman? Every day I am thankful I married a Ukrainian woman and I never have to read more than two or three questions.
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Each relationship is different. How you and your spouse work things out is up to you two. Each needs to be flexible and understanding. Know that you are a part of the household as much as she is and her job doesn't get to end at all...You go home and that's the end of your work (or you expect it to be) but her home IS her work...she never leaves. Understand her needing a little help here and there. COmpromise with what you are willing to do verses what she would like. Have open communication. You are not right in this situation...and neither is she, you know why? because neither of you are happy...

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They are probably equally contributing to their household and the raising of their family. There is likely some unhappiness between the couple because neither one of them is appreciating the other. If the husband tells the wife that he appreciates all she does, he thinks she is a great mom, compliments every meal, tells her she is drop dead gorgeous everyday, then it is unlikely that she is going to throw a fit over him leaving a dirty pair of socks on the floor. She will likely respond by showing him some appreciation as well. They need to remember what their relationship is all about and find some joy in each other again. Takes some effort to do that.
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For a second there I thought you were my friend's brother, Jeremy. He's in the same situation! I'm a really progressive, independent career woman--let me get that out of the way. But even I think it's ridiculous when a woman is a stay at home mom and constantly nags the husband to clean, cook, etc. That's the woman's job! If you are a stay at home parent (regardless of gender, b/c many dads are now staying at home) then it is your job to care for the kids, clean, and cook. Sure, the opposite spouse can pitch in from time to time, but they shouldn't be harassed constantly when they are the ones out there working hard so that the stay at home parent can be at home! Tell her that if she gets a job, you'll be more than happy to help out around the house more. Until then, she should consider it her job to keep the house tidy and cook. I think sometimes stay at home moms get the women's rights movement confused with their duties. If she doesn't like her duties as a stay at home spouse--get a job!
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Does this wife have children to tend to? If not, then perhaps you have a claim to sympathy ( except the bit about "relations". s*x should NEVER be forced!!!) If there are children to care for, then you have NO IDEA how much does all day without pay or consideration.
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No u are the breadwinner hence what you say goes.
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if ur unhappy then tell her. thats no way to live. if shes home all day then the house should be clean.
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no matter how much we work we will never please the woman thay always find something rong with us and yell at us and if she is at home all day thin the house schould be clean but you schould help her just cuzz you are working does not give you n excuse to not help your wife clean up the house and that is the biggest mistake all of us guys make thing we can always make a woman 100% happy and it is not possiable at all because woman have rights and men dont have any this is no longer a mans world it is now a womans world it is ok for them to be fat and still get guys but us bein fat thay dont want to have any thing to do with us if we are fat so guys dont have no rights any more all we have is things we have to do we dont have no choice in the matter
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Chief, I work one job that takes me 15 minutes to get to and even I don't clean on weekends. I also watch what I want when I want and use the computer for hours at a time. I do spend time with the kids and fix things and do yardwork, but I bring home the money that keeps the house going so I'm not busting my *** during my time off.

You need to set things straight in your house.

Edit: I also agree with gottaloveredroses on the hamper thing. How ******* hard is it to toss your clothes in a hamper as opposed to the floor?
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If I would be a stay at home mom, I wouldn't expect my spouse to do the clean up on his days off, but I would expect him to put his clothes in the hamper!:P
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Personally if I were a stay at home Wife/Mom I'd make it a point to have all the chores done, food cooked & s*x ready...she should be making your life easier & better--don't get me wrong no marriage is perfect but overall you need to COMMUNICATE!
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:-D

consider that a stay at home mom isnt sitting on her @$$ eating chips watching tv all day.. shes got all your laundry to do , food to cook, the entire house to clean, probably animals to take care of and no doubt kids to take care of and shuttle around, if shes a stay at home MOM.. dont assume that shes not doing c**p and youre the only one who does anything around the house. is it so wrong for her to expect that you put your dirty clothes in a hamper instead of throwing it on the floor? or ask you to take out the trash? consider that your "only days off" are way more than she gets! NO days off! try to stop being so selfish and consider that she has a lot to do as well!
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With the exception on the relations part, the rest she shouldnt be so hard about. Look, your wife isnt in the mood to have s*x, so dont pressure her, thats all Ive got to say. This is pretty easy to understand why your wife gets so upset over the tiniest things. Your wife is unhappy that you put so much time into other things than your family. Thats the big problem. And you probably cant do anything to fix it because not having two incomes in this day and age is a recipe for welfare. Unless you have an amazing job, of course. Talk to her about it. She shouldnt get so upset if you want to unwind in front of the tv, but shes MISSING you. She resents the fact that you dont have any time for her and so she takes that anger out on you (misplaced, I know). So just sit her down and have a chat
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Stay at home mom is a job.  She takes care of the household responsibilities.  I think you might need to do some communication with her.

To answer your question -  no she is not right.  She is being selfish.
Report (0) (0) |   earlier
It's what women do - they nag.

It is because of that constant nagging that I drink as much as I do. Heck - I'm suprised that I don't drink even MORE than I do..............
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Talk to your wife about all of this, don't ***** about it on the internet.
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uhh. the stay at home mom works 7 days a week.
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Of course the house should be clean...
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Is it really that hard to pick your dirty clothes up and put them in a hamper???? Anyway.... your wife should be the one doing the household chores if she stays at home and you work, but just because you work does not give you the right to s*x anytime you want it. You may not realize this but being a stay at home mom is very hard work. Just think about it, when you get home your job is done, hers is probably still going ... cooking supper, cleaning, taking care of the kids, etc... You two should talk and neither one of you should feel like a doormat. Share the responsibilities and respect each other. Who knows, pick up around the house for her, or bathe the kids, and she'll probably repay you with some good lovin that night!!!!
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tell her that you will clean up...but to have the energy to do it you'll have to quit one of your jobs.

Sounds like maybe she needs to get out of the house a bit more
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Sounds like she's a little tough on you. Maybe you need to sit her down and make sure everything's ok with HER...how many children do you have? Stay at home moms are becoming more and more depressed in today's world... it's really a bad situation. It sounds like shes taking out all her stress on you. Ask her what it is she expects from you - nicely, though, if you guys argue your way through this you'll get nowhere. Have an actual conversation. Let her know that you feel like the human doormat- again, nicely. You're gonna have to see if you 2 can come to some compromises as far as the housework and her scolding you for forgetting things sometimes and trying to watch tv. As for the s*x, you need to handle that. Get rid of the kids for a weekend, or even a night. Cook her dinner or take her out- I know it sounds cliche but believe me, it works like a charm! Ask her if she wants you to do anything to spice it up- think toys, candles, s**y music. She might be freaked and embarrassed at the idea of a toy, I was too at first, but I went out and bought myself one and let me tell you, it's the best decision I probably ever made! Actually, the upping of the s*x-having may actually cure the rest of your problems, if you're lucky!

Good luck to you, hope I helped.
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Your wife should write up a list of all the things that she does and then figure out what her salary should be. Did you ever stop to think about the fact that she is busting her butt at home and doesn't get a dime (or any credit, obviously!) in return? My husband works away from home and I stay home with our two kids. You can bet your behind that when he gets home he is helping out. My job is 24/7 whereas he goes in at 7:30 and is off at 4:00. There is no way that I am going to work 24 hours a day (you can subtract 6 hours, maybe, for sleep) WITHOUT pay to watch him sit on his butt and watch television when he gets home. Get over yourself. Your wife has the most important job in the world and it's a shame that you don't see that. I went out of town for a week this summer without my kids or my husband and by the time I got home my husband had realized that the reason I don't get payed for what I do at home is because there isn't enough money in the world to compensate a stay at home mom for the work she does.

And by the way, relations should be when both parties want to. Have a little respect!
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Go to the bookstore and get a copy of Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." Tell your wife that you are very unhappy, and you want her to read the book.

Your wife is probably overwhelmed by caring for children and being responsible for everything at home - it is a lot of work. But the two of you need to reconnect. I'm not saying you shouldn't have to do anything at home. But you both should feel like you're in it together.

Hang in there, and really push her to read that book. Take the kids out to the park while she does it. It will be in your best interest.
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