Husband all about him??HELP???

Question

I need some advice. I just dont know what to do anymore. Ok the situation is that all my husband cares about is him having fun. He acts like the world revolves around him. I am so fed up with it, Im starting to resent him.I have no problems with him doing things he enjoys, thats not the issue.The issue is thats all he does.He doesnt spend anytime with his family.We have a 15 month old boy and a 10 year old daughter(my step).And any freetime he has, hes out fishing, riding his bike, or whatever else he enjoys.Since our son was born, I have been out of the house once without the baby, and that was 2 hours for my birthday.His #1 priority is his fun and hobbies,not family.When I was pregnant, he was totally into it,but since my son was born, its all about him now.For example, one weekend I was so sick, everytime I stood up,I blacked out,I was sicker than a dog, and couldnt take care of our son, he was out having fun all weekend long.Thats all he does.And again, he can have fun, do things he enjoys,BUT, not every single minute of freetime he gets.Like I said since my son was born, I have been out once, and I really need a break,I have to get out of the house once in awhile, every Mom does for their own sanity. But he wont give me that option, he makes plans to go do what he wants.He spends absolutely no time with his children and does nothing for them, and its not like he financially supports us, i work too. He is 40 years old, a 40 year old kid is what he is, and Im fed up.I talk to him about it all the time, and nothing changes. We are having money troubles, and the other day needed diapers and food, well all the money we had, he blew it at the bar. So I had to borrow money to buy diapers.Im so fed up with it, so stressed, im about ready to snap. Im pretty much a single Mom, he does absolutely nothing to help with our son.Its his son just as much as mine.Its not like he makes plans for all of us to have fun, all of his plans do not include any of us. I need some advcie, what do I do?? How do I make him realize Im fed up, Im done, and Im not going to deal with this anymore, since talking to him doesnt work, what else??? I really need to get out of the house, even for a few hours, by myself, before i lose it.And I cant because hes never home.Im fed up with him blowing money we dont have on beer and his hobbies. Help!!! I do I get it through his head that Im fed up, and I had it, and life does not revolve around him???

Answer 1

i know its not nice to think but could he be having an affair?my friend is in exactly the same situation with 2 young children and working as well.her husband cheated on her an she was goin to leave him but fell pregnant and found out after she busted him cheating.she chose 2 stay 4 the kids sake and money but is extremely unhappy.if hes spendin the money and hes never there then ur beta off leaving him.at least ul get child support.maybe consider occasional care for ur young 1.its cheap and allows u 2 go do what u want for a couple of hrs.or family day care or childcare centre.its good for ur childs social skills and good 4 u 2!if uv tried talking 2 him and nothing works then the ONLY way of reaching his thick skull is by packing up and leaving without a word.he'l do either 2 things.....wake up and work things out or move on,whateva his action is will tell u if his heart is really in it.good luck!

Answer 2

umm, yes?

Answer 3

I would get up at the crack of dawn one day and leave him a note with your sons routine on it and saying that you have gone for a day at the health spa with your friends.  It doesnt matter if thats where you are going but i would definitely get out of the house before he gets up so that it leaves him with no choice but to look after the children all day.  If he tries to lay into you when you get back dont listen to it, or calmly explain that from his behaviour you thought it was ok to just go off for the day without a thought for the family.

I think what he needs is a taste of his own medicine because he obviously doesnt care at all about you and your needs, or his children's for that matter.

The other option is to take the children and stay away for a month.  If you have family or friends who wouldnt mind you staying for that long then that should work.  My friend did this as her husband would go out on a saturday night and sometimes not come back until monday.  He was always out enjoying his time with his friends and having a social life and couldnt care less about her at home with their son.  He eventually got upset that he hadnt seen his son in so long and came to see her to sort things out (she had orginially gone to visit her mother for a week but a month later still hadnt gone home).

If this doesnt work then i would leave him!!  Its not good enough and you deserve better and so do the children.  Good luck!!

Answer 4

Wow, he sounds super selfish. I feel bad for you. I would say that you should just TELL him that you are going out, and leave. But I don't know that I would trust him with your kids. My husband is kinda like that too, but not so extreme. It's too bad that he takes you so for granted. It isn't fair to you. I'd say he needs a huge wake up call. Tell him that if things dont change, you are going to make some drastic changes, and he wont like them. Or start pulling out the money from your account so that there isn't anything left in there for him to blow on useless c**p. Good luck sweetie, you deserve better.

Answer 5

Give him an ultimatum.. He either gets it together or you move on....  

Answer 6

That must be a headache! You and your son deserve better. I know it is much easier said than done but you need to spend more time focusing on you. If I were you I would talk to him one last time and sit him down and keep it really serious. Just be like... I love you but I will not tolerate this anymore. If you cant pull your **** together and be the husband and father you promised you would be then I am done...

Keep it short and just lay it out there. If he says he'll change and do better, give it a week maybe even a month and if nothing changes start making plans on how to end it and what your going to do finically and all that.

I know that has to be a tough situation.. just remember never settle!

Answer 7

WOW!  Talk about a boat load of trouble.  First of all, yes you do need to get away once and a while, you're absolutly right about that.

Secondly, it's time you gave him an ultimatum.  He can either calm down and be a parent and husband like he is supposed to, or he can leave.  It's time to stop telling him this and that and time to take action.  Besides, he isn't much of a role model for the children if all he does is shirk his duties and runs off to play "life of a man having an early mid-life crisis."  He needs to do some serious growing up, and you need to fix your life.  Since you practically live life without him, you're one piece of paper away from divorce.  I don't know if thats what you want, but that may turn out to be your only option.  If he's willing to work it out, tell him the two of you need to go to counseling as well, so as not to backslide into this same pattern again and learn from your mistakes overall.

Time to be an all out "b-word" and quit dealing with this motherlode of BS.  If not for yourself, then for the sake of your children.

Good luck, and be strong!

Answer 8

Write down YOUR hobbies or things you like to do in one column.

Write down HIS hobbies and things he likes to do in another.

Allot a certain amt. of time for his and yours and show it to him.

Answer 9

You probably need to go to marriage counseling.  Tell if he doesn't go you will leave and if he doesn't you need to stick to it.  You are letting him walk all over you so why should he stop if its going his way.  The only thing he will understand at this point is bold actions on your part.