Husband doesn't want me?

Question

I am 29 and my husband is 43. We have been married 6 years. At first we had an awesome s*x life and he talked all the time about how he had never responded to another woman like he did to me. Fast forward, yes I am fatter and so is he. I would not describe either of us as "gross" or anything, men do flirt with me so I must not be repulsive. I think I am getting near the age where my s*x drive is stronger, although I have had a very strong drive my whole life. One of the things that bugs me is that he still desires bj's and I do like/love to give them, so he does still get those, although I must admit I am beginning to resent him so I have been doing it less- I like it so it's probably punishing me more than him. :) I literally have to beg for s*x. When I hear people talking about "only" once a week I WISH for that. I think about every month or so is about right for us now. I have asked him to be honest with me if it was because I had gained weight, and yes people, I really wanted to know and could handle it. I have taken on a healthier lifestyle and improved and at least that would make me feel that there was going to be an improvement. He denies that is the reason. We have had very harsh words in the past, but for a few years now things have been much better. I am very cognizant of his needs adn supportive of him, but when asked, a few times he has said his lack of interest was because of "our relationship". I asked him what was wrong, I want to make it right, but he says he doesn't know. Yes, I am earnestly complimentary about his body and am still attracted to him. He shows no signs of that with me. Was I just a conquest and now that I'm hitting 30 I'm yesterday's news? I feel horrible and unattractive. We have never watched p**n together, and I am 110% sure he is not interested in it, but I have heard him make comments about other women. He accuses me of making comments about men, although I never say anything. I can make the distinction between saying "hey, that guy's attractive" but not actually desiring anything, but I daren't make an offhand remark like that to him. I honestly wouldn't min dif he did the same, so that's not it either. I have asked for counselling, even demanded it but he will not go. He says nothing is wrong with him and he can obviously sustain an erection if he so desires, so no physical problems. He says we are not close enough to have s*x, but that is one of many things I think a couple can do to help foster the closeness, but if we aren't trust me it is not for my lack of trying so very hard. I have begged, pleaded, tried to lead him on, I am naturally very physically affectionate, I buy him flowers or send them occasionally so I know I am not neglecting him. I just want to cry, I am so miserable. What can I do to interest him or is it a lost cause? I am trying to make the very tough decision if I can resign to living like this or not.

Answer 1

My wife is 10 years younger than I am and our s*x life is just freaking great.  She has had problems with her weight since we met, but that has never affected our s*x life.  

I hope that you can fix things with the mister, if not, you are too young to be suffering without a physical touch. If he doesn't wake up find somebody who will treat you as you should.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

I would love to help you out, but I can not understand the real reason behind your husband's behaviour.

Sorry for you.

Answer 3

The problem lies with your weight.Both of you should lose weight,and with proper diet and brisk walks,you can add zest and vitality to your life.

Answer 4

It sounds like you have tried everything a women can do.  One thing I might try though is when giving him one of those Blow Jobs you were talking about when he is hard, mount him in stead and ride him.

As far as his loss interest if he does not want to go to counseling, then you are either going to live a sexless life or get divorced, becuase like I said it seems like you have tried everything else.

Answer 5

Not saying there is, but could there be another woman in the picture? You seem really aware of your life, and your marriage, and truly desire an improvement. The only thing that makes a lot of sense is that there is another woman that is getting his attention, and affection. Good Luck! I hope it works out for you. I was sexually frustrated all my married life, due to lack of s*x, only to have her move in with another man while we were still married...it DOES happen!

Answer 6

Yes. That is what I was going to say.

If he doesn't want s*x with you, then why? Sounds like there might be another woman. People do gain weight over time (most do). That doesn't change the relationship. You are still the same person, so is he.

I have been with my partner for over 3 years. He can't get enough s*x.

Stop trying to please him. Show him you have feelings too.

Maybe he's just not worth it.

Answer 7

Have you taken any weekend trips or vacations together where you and he are the only and most important people in the world to each other?  Have you bought any new nighties lately?

Has he had a prostate check lately?  That happened to my ex at about age 41 or so.  He could not get an erection as often as he did before.  He went to the doctor and found out he had prostate trouble.  It took at least 6 months to cure him, but he did recover and avoided cancer!!

You also might try backing off.  He may feel pressured to have s*x.  Next time he wants a bj, tell him you want some things you can't have too, so either he tries to get help for the problem or he is out of bjs.  Also, put some mystery there.  Make him get to the point where he wonders if you are still attracted to him.  

In the meantime, to save your sanity, buy a hand help vibrating shower massager.  Light some aroma therapy candles and bring a glass of wine to the bath.  Lay down in the tub and take care of your needs that way.  It is amazing how relaxed you will feel.  Sometimes you can have two or three orgasms or more!!  They are wonderful!!!  Bless the man who invented the showere massager!!  It is almost better than oral s*x.!!

There is one thing that could help, and that is Viagra.

Answer 8

i didn't read it till the end - too long and boring. but the thing i understood u both re overweight and he still can get hard and enjoys bj. so here is the reason of him not wanting intercourse with u - he is fat. this is the only reason. intercourse is a lot of work. my hubby is very very well fit, but when we have s*x his heart is beating very hard at the end and he is breathing hard too (he is not 20 y.o). so i can see intercourse is very physically enduring for him. i am very very well fit -go to gym every day and have perfect body but i never have s*x with me on the top - why? cos i get exhausted. so there is nothing wrong with u (well, except u re overweight, this is really not healthy) but it is wrong with him. u both should start doing cardio, u re not old both but u sond old. both of u. i suggest start from swimming if u re grossly overweight, then jogging and then u might join gym and do aerobics and weight training (when u lose weight and re in condition to do that) . good luck

Answer 9

it sounds to me that he is no longer interested in you and wants out but does not know how to tell you in his way.and it also sound like you are a very good woman friendly and sexually and if you were my wife i would be very happy to have you and the things you do would make me return the favors as well.but i am thinking in my head and thats ok for you need to tell him if he is interested in you anymore and if he wants to get the relationship back to where it was once whene you met and got togather.but either way your young and im sure you can always find someone else to have fun with you and possibly be with someone that will be full of energy like you.god bless and take care.  

Answer 10

Hey gal that too much,why should u beg for love from him,hey why dont you ignore him,dont do anything dont even seems interested even if it taked a move en go out with ladies have fun en see if he can change coz u are not interested,try en talk to him later if he cant change sorry there is a lady somewhere this is not normal.

En why dontu try a gyme work it out en loose weight u can be attractive again ,

Answer 11

There are a lot of desperate guys who will flirt around with unattractive overweight people, so I wouldn't take too much comfort in that.

It sounds like you're not the same person he was once attracted to, you've gained weight and now he's no longer turned on by you any more.

How do you fix that?

Get some ambition and put as much effort into losing weight as you do whining about the consequences of being overweight.

If don't care of yourself, don't expect your husband to find you desirable.

Answer 12

You poor thing.

Ok it seems like there is another woman, no you dont want to hear this - neither did I but he's resenting you by pushing you away, refusing s*x and in a way he's telling you he's seeing someone else by checking out other women but giving out to you when you look at other men.

No you dont want to believe it and I dont blame you - its a horrible situation to be in. What ever you're doing now to get him to love you and be with you - STOP!!! Its not healthy, hun every woman puts on a few pounds when married, so dont worry about it.

If you love him, let him go. Trick to it is no more begging, its hard trust me but play "solo" like you are totally independant. Everything you've tried has failed so far. He's not buying into it so here's what you can do to get your husband back.

1) focus on you, pamper yourself to a massage

2) talk to a councillor - obviously you need to talk to someone and well he aint listening. Dont force him to go - its his decision

3) become independant - do things your way

4) look back at when you first met, what things did you do as a couple?

5) remind him why he chose you, do this subtely.

dont run after him, he'll have to come running to you.

You're a strong independant woman, no more tears, you're beautiful and have so much to offer. If he cant see that then drop him. Even a trial separation sometimes works.

Good luck

Answer 13

for the longest time I had the man in my life do just about what your husband is doing now, this what I did!This is entirely up to you what you decide to do! My first and only love of my life, had taken me for granted, before I moved in with him, he took me out to dinner, bought me red roses, said he loved me every day, yes the s*x was great, until it seemed to be "a if I have to job", he would wham ,bam, thank you mam, you know? No, foreplay, no love ,its seemed it is was over, except his cut downs, and belittling, his silence( to make his point, or get his way, he wouldn't acknowledge I was alive, let alone in the same house, SO I LEFT, I GOT MY OWN APT., LET HIM HAVE HIS HOUSE AND I HAD HAD MINE,,When he realized I WASN'T COMING BACK,oh he was so sorry! please forgive me, you know you've probably heard all of this, I SAID TO HIM,I DONT CARE, I LOVE YOU AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, BUT NO MORE!And I still to this day love him, and I will always love him, but NO MORE! I'm not worth much but you know what I'M GETTING BETTER!SO, WILL YOU!