Husband driving me crazy

Question

My husband thinks my life is easy and his is sooo hard. He works to pay the bills while I stay home and take care of our 4 month old, on top of taking care of our 4 month old I have to clean, cook, keep up with the property, its a 24/7 job. On top of being busy all the time my husband is constantly calling me giving me other task to do like deal with the utility companies or giving him information, and he always calls at the WORST TIME and then gets mad at me because Im too busy........ Then he comes home and throws his dirty cloths on the floor, makes a big mess in the kitchen, leaves his dirty socks laying around the house, leaves his dishes laying around the house, tracks in dirt and smokes in our back room and ashes where ever the h**l he wants so basically after spending all day cleaning and taking care of our child and doing the extra tasks he gives me my day starts all over with cleaning, getting baby feed,bathed and ready for bed...... I never get any time off and he acts like Im his maid and on top of all of this if I ask for help he yells at me about how he has been at work all day, he NEVER helps me with the baby and usually makes my job harder. Lately he has been telling me that I need to get a job on top of all of the other things I do, I dont have time for a job !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He makes fun of me about how my life is sooo easy and his is so hard , he says comments like " Man, I wish I could stay home all day " .

And yes Ive tried to get him to realize everything I do and he just laughs in my face and goes on about his business, Im fed up and im irritated and I need a break and he doesnt think I deserve one.

Answer 1

Tell him being a husband is part of helping out around the house your not a maid. Part of being a husband is also part in being a father figure to his siblings.Tell him to be a real man and deal with the responsibilities of being a husband and father. Tell him to switch the roles around for a week he'll definitely appreciate you more. Tell him you'll work for a week and he has to do everything around the house. He'll beg you to come back home. I'm a 35 yr husband and father been home since Dec 2007 due to getting hurt on the job. Even though Ive always helped my wife with everything and changing diapers and bathing the kids. Well now that Ive been home all this time I appreciate my wife even more now. I realize everything that she has to do we have 5 kids 11,10 & 8 yr olds and the babies are 27mths and 4 mths so I definately know whats up. SO JUST TELL HIM TO BE A REAL MAN AND SUCK IT UP!

DEFINATELY TELL HIM NOT TO SMOKE AROUND THE BABY BETTER YET NO SMOKING IN THE HOUSE AT ALL.PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN TELL HIM WHAT THE REALITY IS

Answer 2

He's not handling it the right way, but my Dad is similar in nature to that, except he actually helps out a good deal.  I think you're getting too worked up over this, though - of course you need a break, but it isn't fair to him to expect that he helps with a boat load of chores when he gets home, either.  He works all day long to bring in the cash, and you have to do house work and watch the children.  It seems like a good middle ground, but perhaps both of you are frustrated with each other?  Talk it out and see how he feels, and then come to a compromise.

Answer 3

I can relate to some of what you are dealing with. I have a 14 month old and a 2 year old, and let me tell you, it is no picnic..they are on two completley different schedules..and fitting the house chores isnt easy. My husband did reach a point where he got a little carried away with it, not quite as bad as yours, but enough to irritate me. Every woman deserves a break. Even you. I did for sure, and I had to sit my husband down and tell him not to say anything, to just hear me out. You know, I was half expecting him to just laugh and walk away, but he didnt. For the first time he leveled with me. I got my break, still do, every sunday. It's hard for men to understand the battles women have to fight as stay at home moms. To them its easy, unfortunatly this will be a never ending problem for a lot of women out there. My husband is not good with helping with the children, but he is helping with house chores..But girl, you need a break, before you loose your mind. Stress is a health hazard. Take your son to your mothers for a couple hours and take some time for yourself. The laundry and dishes will have to wait, your mental and physical health is far too important. You need to stay strong, for your childs sake at least...

Answer 4

Welcome to married life! Seriously, it does get better. You have to be firm tho and lay down some rules, for one, absolutely no smoking in the house, esp around your child!!! Duh, let him know that's not healthy for the babies lungs and he needs to take his nasty habit outside. He needs to be told to pick up after himself, at least, so it's not like you have 2 kids to pick up after (you really do, 1 big and 1 little!).  I know it's a lot, h**l, it's a full time job, 24/7 but believe me, once you get on a roll, everything will just kinda flow.  I would def let him challenge you and stay home one day and do the things you do... maybe he'll realize it's not a party and you're not sitting around eating bon-bons and watching Oprah.

Answer 5

Did you know his views on housework and children before you got married? Was he already a male chauvinist? Why did you have a child with a man if you didn't know his views on all of this stuff? Didn't you discuss who would do what when the baby came? How long have you been married? Sounds like you are married to an old-fashioned pig. I feel sorry for you! BUT..it's hard to change a man's life view of the world. He definitely sees women as the slave or work-horse. Also, I"m very troubled to know that you have a newborn and he doesn't do anything for the baby when he gets home. That's terrible!

I only see this getting worse unless you have a serious talk with him. Sounds like this is a hard mountain to climb because you didn't talk to him about what his role would be, etc.

My husband just walked in and asked if I wanted to get away for a day at the spa; we also have a 4 month old. He works and I don't. I am looking for a job though. I believe your husband is probably a bully and you should probably go back to work and let him see how the house backs up w/ garbage and mess. Also, you need to stop picking up his c**p. Sounds like you are setting a bad example for him. He undervalues your work and he treats you like c**p. I'm sorry that he doesn't help you with the baby. Leave his things right where he drops them. Step over them for a week. Tell him that you  are tired and that you need help too. Tell him he can take the baby for a few hours and you'd be more than happy to pick up his things off the floor. YOur husband sounds like a thick-head so I'm sure this would work with him. I have no answers for you. I'm sorry!

I'd say have a long talk with him, but it sounds like you married someone without talking about expectations! He's has ole' fashioned ideas about women and being at home = slavery! Try having a serious talk with him or ask his parents maybe they can help talk some sense into him or ask an older male that he respects to do so; he sounds very hard-headed. Get someone to babysit for you and get a break. I hate to say it, I'm usually more upbeat, but ghee...sounds like you didn't pick so well in the man department! This is hard to fix after the fact.  

Answer 6

I had that same problem with my husband and do you know what I did?  I went out and got a job!  I wouldn't ask him find out his schedule and go!  He can take care of the baby, you are not a single parent.  I have a 5 month old and I know how hard it is.  Once I started working and I would only clean up when I made a mess....I would not wash his clothes or clean up after him and his friends.  I would make myself food and clean up.  After a few days he got mad and said the place was a mess, I said look around the only stuff on the floor is yours and your friends, I am not your maid, I am your wife!  He said but the place is messy I said well I have been cleaning up after myself so the mess is yours, but I will help you clean it up.  And I did, I have not had a problem with him since.  And he helps with everything without me asking for help.