Husband has made a single woman his confidant and is texting her - this appropriate?

Question

Marriage is in a state of flux...he realizes that I am his best friend and only friend. So, in an effort to diversify he has made a single female co-worker his new best bud. They share text messages and work closely together during the business day. My fear is that we started our friendship in a similar manner...is the cycle likely to continue?

Answer 1

THINK TO YOURSELF IS HE GOING TROUGH A MID LIFE CRISIS. DID YOU TELL HIM THAT MAKES YOU FEEL INSECURE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP. AND THAT IT IS HURTING YOUR FEELINGS AN OPEN TO SAY ANYTHING RELATIONSHIP HAS TO START SOMEWHERE.

Answer 2

It sure would be better if his worksite buddy was a male. Is there any way you can encourage him to develop men buddies? Men do share a camaraderie with other men. How about your neighborhood, where you live? Can you encourage him to be better acquainted with the men? Could you get him to be a volunteer in community service programs?  

Answer 3

Although I am not married and I trust my boyfriend, I do not trust other girls. I dont take it lightly when girls call him or text him. Especially if I dont know who they are. We all know that there are some 'girls' out there that will stop at nothing as long as they get what they want in the end. So, if I were you, I would be careful with that friendship and I would let your husband know how you are feeling. Also explain to him that if the shoe where in the other foot, he wouldnt like it either. Either way, best of luck to you and just be on top of this..

Answer 4

It is possible to have genuine platonic friendships between the two sexes, especially where work support is concerned, he is also open about this situation, so that is good.

I would keep an eye out for anything a bit covert or too familiar though, but try not to make an issue of this as it could even give him idea's!

Maybe he needs to have more male friends?

Answer 5

No this is not appropriate, of course the cycle will continue, this is his mode of operation.  Stop this nonsense in its track.

Answer 6

He does sound like a serial texter!  And I do believe that it is not necessary to share so much with somebody else outside of the partnership.  It is OK to have mates and discuss things as men do, but it is pretty odd to be confiding in a work colleague.  Just stand your guard and be prepared.  Maybe you should let him know how it is concerning and uncomfortable to you.  Good luck.

Answer 7

your husband needs to get some male friends.  1 female friend will go badly eventually.  i'm not sure if that's what you want.  

having friends is a hard thing but having your spouse as your one and only friend is much worse.

I love that i can go places with other guys or call a male friend and talk.

guys need other guys to be properly adjusted.  women are great but they aren't guys.

Answer 8

If you have to ask this then you know goddamn well something isn't right.

You'd be wise to go with your gut feelings.

Answer 9

It can be possible since he said that you're only his bestfriend. Just be prepared for whatever comes next.I wish you luck. :)

Answer 10

He is already cheating

Answer 11

Here's the thing.. in my opinion it doesn't even matter in what way your relationship started or flourished -- what he's doing is inappropriate regardless.  My husband and I firmly believe that married people should not have friends of the opposite s*x.  Acquaintances are one thing, like people he works with who he communicates with only throughout the work day.  Your husband is a married man, and his coworker never should have even been given his cell phone number, unless of course it was necessary for business purposes.

If this is something you're uncomfortable with, tell your husband.  You are his wife, you should be the single most important person in the world to him.  If you're unhappy, he should be unhappy, and his primary goal should be to make you feel as comfortable as possible (this is a two way street by the way.)  Once you tell him you're uncomfortable with him having friends of the opposite s*x, he should cease non-work related contact with her immediately.  You should be your husband's only confidant, and he should understand that.  How would he feel if you gave your phone number out to other men and became close to them, texting and talking all day?  I bet not very well..

If he decides that he doesn't want to put you or your feelings as a priority, than you need to decide what you can and cannot deal with.  Will you be happy spending your life with him knowing he will be doing this AND not respecting your feelings?  If not, are you so unhappy with it that divorce is necessary?  Follow your heart, but please work on your marriage!

Good luck.

Answer 12

i don't think your husbands r/ship is appropriate.  he should have male friends.  why does he need a new f/male friend when he has you.

this has affair written all over it to me, if he's not doing it now, he will be soon.

BE CAREFUL, if he's secretive about txt's etc the alarm bells should be banging loudly.

Answer 13

I would not be happy is my wife suddenly decided to make another man her best bud.  So since it is effecting your marriage I would say to him how would you like if I had a male best friend that I shared everything with.  Most married men would not like this.

To fix your marriage why don't you start texting him the way you use to if you are aftaid of loosing him then do what you did the first time to keep him.  I do not understand once a couple gets married why do they stop flirting and doing the same things that got them in the first place.

Answer 14

Hunny take it from someone who lived this nightmare , request your husband cease and decist imediately this friendship dump his phone and get a new 1 and do not speak to this co-worker outside of work issue's inside / outside of work hour's .

If he refuse's he's cheating on you and seriously your statement Quote : he realizes that I am his best friend and only friend. So, in an effort to diversify he has made a single female co-worker his new best bud.

being his best friend is YOUR job nobody else's end this childish garbage now why cant he make male friend's ? what's wrong with him?

Answer 15

Well ....ahhhh yeah... I'm man, so he could be just telling you what he wants to ease your mind, however the person he is texing can be a genuin friend,... 1  question... Have you met this female? Depending on how long you both have been together you should at least know all of his friends, male and female.

Answer 16

Girl if My man was Texting any woman.. I would make it known to that ***** that she needs to back off...and then.. Me and him would have a talk.  That's not cool.. Yeah you have EVERY right to be ticked off at this!

Of course I don't trust women and Don't like my "kool-aid" being touched!..*L*

Answer 17

You all are playing with fire. And if you don't watch it someone will get burned.  

Answer 18

Possibly.  I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to become friends with a single woman and share intimate details of your marriage, not at all.

Answer 19

Probably and possibly, but what is the alternative - tell him he can only work with males - not very practical. People find dates/ partners where they see them, so if he meets women at work that is likely where he will find a new interest. Maybe work on strengthening relationship.

Answer 20

He is flirting with her.  I am sure he still loves you, but he is thinking about doing things he shouldn't with his new "friend" because it adds a level of excitement that may be gone now that the "new car smell" has dissipated from your relationship.  He won't leave, but he will cheat.

Answer 21

That depends on the man. But he shouldn't be making any single girl friends now that he is married. That relationship would have to end if I knew about it.

Answer 22

the answer is yes and I wouldnt trust him or her just let him know you are getting a best guy friend so you can have one to and divorce him because I bet he is cheating look for signs of cheating and check his email and texts this sounds fishy

Answer 23

You are quite right. It is deja vu indeed!

You were forging a relationship with him when his marriage was (your own words here) "ending" ... not "ended"..

His first wife would be absolutely delighted to hear about what's going on now. It is true, you realise, what goes around, comes around.