Husband is frustrated with my Snappy attitude?

Question

Okay, I'm the only one working full time and managing the finances. My husband is looking for a job, but it's very hard to support two people on my income. We have $150 every two weeks for food and gas. It costs me $45 a week for my car and at least $45 for his truck…a week…figure out the math.

He keeps asking for money for cigarettes, booze, food, gas, etc. The things he is asking for are generally extras or he wastes things like gas and needs more. He sometimes helps someone with transportation but that person doesn't help pay for gas...

Lately I have been VERY snappy at him. He asks for money and I'm like "WE DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY!". He gets frustrated because I get mad at him. He doesn't seem to understand that there is no money.

His mother used to give him money whenever he wanted it, growing up. He isn't a Mama's boy, but in her eyes, he is. Some of his upbringing is showing up these days and it’s frustrating!!!!

Why can't I seem to stop being so snappy when he keeps asking for money or for me to do things for him? I have no problem saying "No", but I can't seem to keep my attitude out of it.

Sometimes I yell, "Get a job!!" but I know he is trying!

Answer 1

Come to an agreement on an "allowance" amount for the extras like booze and cigarettes.

Answer 2

Your questions says your husband is frustrated with your snappy attitude.  Tell him to stop asking you to give him something you don't have and then you'll stop snapping.

Answer 3

Wow. As if it's not demoralizing enough for a man to be unemployed and unable to provide for his family, but now he has his wife yelling at him and making him feel like a failure on top of it? Talk about emasculating!

The two of you need to sit down together and come up with a budget. Brainstorm as to ways you can cut expenses (do you need cable and internet? Can you get by with only driving one of your cars, since he doesn't need one to get to work? If so, you could cancel insurance on the other and save on gas.) Help him to find a job in his field, or encourage him to take a temporary job to help pay the bills until he finds one he's better suited for (even working as a waiter part-time would be better than nothing). But whatever you decide, decide it TOGETHER! Your husband is probably feeling like a failure right now, so now more than ever, he needs for his wife to believe in him and treat him like a man.

Answer 4

I love it.

"Limitations".....is that where the booze comes in?

Honey, Walmart hires anyone.

Answer 5

He should work on getting a second or full time job. Smoking, boozing and driving around is not going to get him hired anywhere. Why don't you tell him for each job he applies to and submits his application, you'll give him a dollar. And for each interview he goes to, $5. If he's acting like a baby, then treat him like one until he decides to act like a man.

Maybe call your utility co. and have them purposely shut things down for a few days to give your hubby a wake up call. Ask him if he'd rather use the money to pay for water and electricity or to buy a 6-pack and cigs. Or maybe he can learn to make beer or wine at home like they used to back in the day, jail inmates still do it today - that'll keep him quiet for a while.

Or the next time you make dinner, make enough for yourself only and on his plate put a cigarette or two. Maybe your actions can get your point across moreso than your snappy words that seem to miss his radar.

Another option can be to have a mutual friend of yours sit him down and go over your finances with him. He may be more willing to listen and understand the situation, since he sees you as the enemy who is only witholding what he wants, not comprehending that you don't have what he wants. He may take the words of someone he respects more seriously, maybe a poator or close relative or friend.

Answer 6

You have every right to be snappy.  He doesn't sound as if he has a grasp on how money and bills work.  Tell him to get a part time job doing cashier work or something similar.  Jobs like that are a dime a dozen and he could have one tomorrow.  He can use the money he earns doing this to fund the "extras" that he wants like cigarettes and alcohol.  Since he'll only be working part time, that will give him plenty of downtime to search for a full time job in the field he's looking.

Answer 7

Hang in there as soon as he finds employment he will have a different attitude  Right now he is depressed and  he needs you to be positive for him suggest that he manage with 25.00 per week for his personal stuff.and let it go he might be a naughty boy but is he a good man does he love and respect you ? Is he good to you? Being unemployed is the pitts and can put some people into a depression to where they lose their motivation to even look anymore because they fear every time they  will get shot down. But never give in Persevere and you will get through this . Good luck and patience. Life is short to fight over a few dollars.

Answer 8

You are frustrated with him because of the situation you are in but even more so by the fact that he seems to be in denial of the seriousness of your situation. You have every right to snap at him for this in my opinion. The "get a job" thing is hitting below the belt, but you need to sit him down and shock him into reality. Tonite at dinner, break a potato in half and tell him "this is what is for dinner" because he had to have smokes, or a bottle, or drive his buddy Tony to the strip club.....hopefully that'll wake him up. If he wants money for 'extras' then he needs to come up with that money himself, collecting cans or something..your money is earned to support the household and thats all there is. Tell him if he needs smokes then he should go give blood to earn the cash.

Don't beat yourself up over how you feel, we are all frustrated by those who won't face the facts. Hang in there, and good luck.

Answer 9

I have had the same problem, lately. He just doesn't get it.   So, I told him that when he did get his job back or just another job, that I would quit and let him pay for everything.  See how far his $$ go.

Money problems seems to be one of the things that most married couple fight about. I just show him the checkbook and say NO

Answer 10

The thing is, you shouldn't be the one writing in, he should. You have every right to get snappy with a person who is constantly asking for things that you both haven't the money for. If you've shown him the financial papers and bills and he still refuses to stop asking for things that are considered wants not needs than in all honesty, he's the one with the problem.  

Answer 11

3 months without him having a job? He obviously isn't trying hard enough. If he wants to waste what little money he has on cigarettes and booze, then he should try HARDER and get a job and waste his own money not the money YOU are worker for to keep going!

Would he rather have cigarettes then food? If cigarrettes is his answer, get him the cigarettes to prove a point on how little money you currently have. Then ask him how hungry he is!!

You have every right to be snappy with him, he is being childish.

Answer 12

Be strong. even tho it's hard times.

Answer 13

To the first person to answer...

When a woman asks for money, and there is none, and the man tells her so... that's not abusive, nor is it controlling. It's life, and any woman who demands money when there is none available (especially if she isn't working) is, in my book, a pathetic human being. Same goes for the reverse.

I think you're completely within your rights to be snappy with him... the guy is wasting your hard-earned cash! There's nothing wrong with supporting him for a little while as he looks for a steady job, but he doesn't sound very appreciative... the support is a gift, not his right, and he needs to realize that.

Try setting up a budget and sticking to it... make a little chart, if you have to. This much money is for gas for him, this much for your gas, this much for food for both of you, and you should put a little bit into savings (I know it seems tough when you're strapped for cash, but try to manage a little bit, it will help in the long run). Show him the budget and tell him that that's all he gets, because that's all you have. If he doesn't understand that, then to be perfectly honest, you might just be wasting your time on him.

Answer 14

I have a tremendous amount of admiration for you.  You have a right to be upset and realize your husband's feelings are genuine and important.  The two of you are going through a horrible amount of stress.  I suggest (at a place where there is a sliding fee/no fee scale--and they exist) marriage therapy to help you two find a way to address this time in a way that lessens the stress and betters communication.  I think and hope it will make life a happier  one for both of you

Answer 15

Your snappiness will go away when he gets a job and stops asking you to support his habits.