Husband is jealous of my relationship with our son.....?

Question

Some background info...I am a clinically depressed person who is now on medication ( we were able to refill it last night!) Throughout my pregnancy and for 9 months after I was unmedicated and a HORRIBLE person and mother. I basically missed out on the first year of our sons life, which left the duties and the joys to my husband, to enjoy without me. After coming within minutes, literally, of losing both my husband AND my son, I called and made an emergency appointment with my doctor to get meds. Now I am the person I was before the depression took a hold of me, the person my husband fell in love with and now I am sharing in all the duties and joys of being the mom to a beautiful little boy. My husband admitted that it is hard for him, since from the beginning it was all him and Eli. Is there anything I can do to help him see that it is better with both of us sharing in this time?

Answer 1

Tell him to grow the h**l up!Hes your son to.

Answer 2

wowowow

Answer 3

Wow that must have been tough on you i'm so gald your feeling better and able to spend time with your husband and son more. It's just ganna take time for him like the women who's husband isnt involed at first then is able to its like woah ok there someone else here. Kind of like your this great actor now you have someone there that can make the play better but having to share the spot light as well. My suggestion woud be to talk to him tell him how much you love him for not only him taking care of your beautiful boy but of you to. Let him know hey i'm ganna need help on this i'm ganna need you by my side. Also i dont think it wouldnt hurt to maybe one day out of the week let them have a daddy son day just the 2 of them. You can go shoppng talk with your friends or maybe just get stuff done that you wouldnt be able to during the week and he has his little boy to himself for a day. Hope that works

Answer 4

I am pregnant and diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I am not on any medication for this pregnancy.

I am seeing a therapist and she said oftentimes depressed people become dependent on their spouses, and once recovered, we become independent which can cause anger, rage and jealousy from our spouses. Maybe you can have a heartfelt conversation with your husband and explain the difficult journey you had, and now that you feel so much better, you are so excited to have him and your son in your life. Always give lots of compliments to your husband, because now he probably feels empty and inadequate now that you're better.

Congrats on the new baby and to your new life

Answer 5

A family outting... that all of you can enjoy. Hold your husband's hand and watch your boy have fun, together.

Answer 6

aww this reminds me of some movie I watched, but I forget what it's called.. Maybe you can do other thing to keep you busy sometimes like go out with your friends once a week. Also you three can do a lot together as well. Make it about the three of you. Sometimes just him and your son, and other times just you and your son. Just balance it out.

Answer 7

Find something that only he does with your son. His nightly bath, story time, play time outside, etc. Sounds like he's a little put out because your son doesn't need him as much anymore. If you can find something that your husband and son do together, only them, it may make him feel "needed" again.

And as others have said do lots of family outings. It's summer time so there are plenty of places to go to. The zoo, the local pool, etc.

No, your husband doesn't sound immature as someone else said. He just needs time and help to adjust to do this new chapter. Glad you are feeling better and are able to enjoy your family again. Good luck!

Answer 8

As with most change it will take a little time to get use to. Another little storm before the beauty. Where the sun always shines theres a dessert below. Try to see humor in every situation with you ,him and your son and bring it to light. Also try to build your husbands confidence in your mothering abilities. He may be a little unsure since he cared for your son alone the 1st year. Glad you feel better.

Answer 9

Your husband sounds like a great guy, so do all you can to keep him happy. It takes some adjusting to make room for someone who has not been involved until now. Be sure to tell him how much you appreciate what he has done, and how much you love him. Try not to take over the care of Eli, but share duties. Ask Dad which tasks he did not enjoy as much, then assume those tasks for your self. Let him still be the one who does the fun stuff at least for now. e.g. both my sons-in-law did the bathing for their sons, a fun activity, while the moms did the feeding and dressing.

Give it time. With love and awareness it will all work itself out. Congratulations on getting back on an even keel again.

Answer 10

Congratulations on your recovery!  There are so many good suggestions here, that I wanted to add only one more thing..  Compliment your husband, and let him take over tasks that he is BEST at, not necessarily likes more.  If Eli never fusses when your husband is dressinghim, say, "Honey, you are so good with Eli when you're dressing him- He never fusses!"



Just tell the truth, and get his help where it is needed most- your weak spots.  In turn, you help him with HIS weak spots.



Good luck!

Answer 11

your situation is complicated

Answer 12

I definantly know where your husbands coming from. I think this is more of an issue between you and him. He probably feels like hes had the duties of being a father and taking care of the kid and hes not used to seeing you as a "mother" I think all three of you need to do something together.

Answer 13

Wow.  Congratulations on making such a fantastic recovery - I'm so pleased for you.

I think maybe you need to just reassure your husband that this is not just about rebuilding the mother son relationship, but also about building the family.  So when you play with your son make sure you keep saying things like, 'you're just like daddy!' or 'You smile just like daddy!' Let your husband see that he is not being pushed out.

You also need to make sure you reassure your husband by congratulating him often on the great job he did with your son, and say how proud you are of him for holding things together...really let him know how special the famiy unit is to you and how important he is to the family...

Your husband clearly did an amazing job with your little one, and it is heartwarming to know that you are okay now and that your family has survived a major storm.  Your husband will be okay, I'm sure. He sounds like a strong man with a big heart.

Take care.

Answer 14

Actually I don't think this is such a huge problem. Think of all the Dad's who don't get the chance to bond so strongly with our little ones. It's always about mommy.

As long as you acknowledge your husband's feelings and express to him that you are not trying to take his place in your son's life I think it will be fine. Love is not something that has a limit your child has more than enough love to go around.

By giving your child both parents again you are giving your child what he deserves. In the nicest way possible explain to your husband that it's really not about how he feels, it's about what's best for your son. What's best for all kids is to have 2 loving parents. Stress how lucky Eli is to have a father that loves him so much and how grateful you are that he picked up the slack for you but now it's time to be a two parent household. If he's jealous that Eli may prefer you now that's also normal. Babies and toddlers go through phases. Mommy is favorite sometimes and sometimes Daddy is king of the world.  

At this age most children prefer the parent of the opposite s*x.

Answer 15

Your husband is incredibly immature. I think this is someting only time will fix. Good luck.

Answer 16

Firstly can i just say well done for getting help with your depression, it is a horrible illness and can turn you into someone your not.

Secondly, make sure you let your husband know how special he is for all that he's done during your 'sad times' - men need praise too!!!!!!!!

Your husband is probably feeling very left out, he too has had to adjust to your changing mood and has probably been on as much of a roller coaster as you if not more so.

Involve your husband in what you do with your son, have lots of fun time together but also make sure your husband has fun time with your son on his own (father - son time)

In time you will all learn to share each other.

All the luck!

Answer 17

Just give him some time, I'm sure he'll be glad of a bit of a break once he's used to it.

Otherwise just ask him to let you know if and when he's getting uncomfortable with you being too involved (not that he has that right, but out of respect for his feelings) and say you'll let him take back over if he feels too uncomfortable-say you really appreciate the patience he's shown you and don't want to make him feel his wonderful efforts are not valued.

Answer 18

I'm sure you're feeling it, but make sure *he* feels it to - that you honor & respect the special bond that the two of them built up over that year.   Ask him for his help & insight when you come upon challenges with your son.  Let him know that you are not trying to take the parent role away from him, but that you are now ready to join in with him in parenting together.

Answer 19

A family outting... that all of you can enjoy. Hold your husband's hand and watch your boy have fun, together

Answer 20

Tough situation.  If you understand it and the reason's why, just try to let him continue to take a big part in your sons life.  You son will know that he has two parents who love him - no matter which one's help him put his shoe's on or feeds him.  Kids are pretty resilient.  They just notice if you're getting along or not.  As long as their needs are meant, they don't care who does it!  Have patience.   Sounds like you are very understanding of your husband.  Your husband will come along.

I know when I had my boys (now 33 and 26), I didn't want anyone to hold them at all !!  Then when they were 3 I couldn't give them away!  (that's a joke people).